We sadly lost our DS2 on 31 January 2011 at 31 weeks gestation I developed severe pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes early on and was flown to Brisbane and admitted to Mater Mothers as my bp was 180/100. I was in the labour ward for 36hours on a magnesium sulfate drip, insulin infusion and another two drips. Our little darling Jake was doing ok and would always kick the machines during monitoring. As we were stable for the time being and the doctors were happy with Jake staying in a little longer to allow the steriods to work better, we were transferred up to the ward and advised that we would have another ultrasound the following morning and we would probably be meeting our precious little man that day.
Well monday morning came around and we had an all right night. I had my obs done and monitoring at 5.30am and all was fine for the both of us. I was sitting up eating my breakfast just before 8 when I felt Jake move for the very last time and then a minute later my waters broke. When I stood up i had blood running down my legs and was bleeding bad. The midwife's took a very long time to come to the room and when they did, they could only just pick up Jake's heart beat and it was very very low. I was transferred down for an emergency c-section and sadly our little Jakey didn't make it The doc's worked on him for a while trying to save him but nothing could be done He was a tiny 1.2kg's and 39.5cm's long, totally perfect.
I later found out that I had a complete placenta abruption but didn't show warning signs that is what was happening. Sadly my husband wasn't there when it all happened as he was driving back from out home as he had to pick up our other son. Telling my husband we lost Jake was the 2nd hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, the first my burying my son. I spent the following 3 days in hospital and we had Jake with us nearly all the time. We had hand and foot castings done and some professional photo's too. We got to dress him in a lovely outfit that had angel wings on it and he looked beautiful. I loved spending that time with Jake and it was soooo hard to say good bye to him when we were leaving the hospital, I was suppose to leave with my Jake in my arms, not a memory box.
The next couple of days were a blur as I was drugged up on painkillers and just wanted to be by myself. The one thing that kept me going was the love and support from my husband and DS1. I had to stay strong for DS1 and he needed his mum. We arranged a private ceremony for just my husband and I to say goodbye on Tuesday 8th Feb and I honestly don't know how i got through it all. I remember arriving at the funeral home and as soon as I saw the words Chapel, I stopped dead and wanted to run away back to the car. We went into the chapel and they had it beautifully setup and Jake looked like a little sleeping angel We spent an hour with him, read him letters and cards people had wrote for him and placed photo's, flower's, a drawing from his big brother and a little mother and baby angel pendant in with him. Saying the final goodbye was sooo difficult but I also felt more at peace after.
We picked up Jake's ashes the following day and decided to head back out home. I say good morning and night to him every day and I have a beautiful picture of him on my phone that I look at just before I fall alseep at night. I miss my little guy soooo much and just want him back in my arms. DS1 keeps asking about bubby and we tell him that bubby is sleeping as he doesn't understand as yet. One day when he is older, we will sit down with him and explain that he has a gorgeous little brother Jake who was too perfect for this world and that he is an angel baby watching over us all. Thanks for reading my story......