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  1. #71
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    TB I rarely venture out of the IVF section of this forum as the rest of it 'scares' me.

    I was 36 wks pg with my IVF baby after a MC, and BM sent the kids over for their visit- DSD gets in the car coughing and says "oh I have SWINE FLU" I nearly jumped out the car to go beat up BM
    She sent them over when they had chicken pox- poor dsd had them everywhere (I mean everywhere) and she hadn't been to a doctor.
    DSS currently has a sore on his leg, BM says it's a white tail spider bite...


    One rule I can think of is don't ever ever *think* that you love your children more than the SK's.

    Those people who say they love them all the same are either better people than me or liars. I love them, but no matter what anyone says, it's not the same. It just isn't.

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  3. #72
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    Rule: Do not under any circumstances plan to move closer to a university that is only one of three in Australia who offers the masters you wish to undertake. Even if this move is what will be best for the rest of the children who live with your husband and your self. It is unthinkable that you will be further from the child who has become a spy and is the link to the hostile toxic bio mother, and does not wish to see you anymore. It is just plain evil to want a life and achieve some goals that are what your husband and you want in life. Evil.

  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backflip View Post
    TB I rarely venture out of the IVF section of this forum as the rest of it 'scares' me.
    I know what you mean! I've only recently begun to get a bit more brave ...

    WOW on the swine flu story. DSS is prone to respiratory ailments and I'm terrified he will get whooping cough this year, while my soon-to-be newborn is very susceptible. DH is taking SS for a booster vax next week (along with himself). Not telling BM until after the deed is done. I don't know if she'd object or not - SS was fully vaxxed according to schedule - but it's non-negotiable to me, and if there's going to be drama over it I'd rather limit it to the after, rather than the before AND after.

  5. #74
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    Good idea- the whooping cough vax only lasts for 10 yrs, so wise to get DSS done too.

    She didn't end up having swine flu, it was mother diagnosed, but the fact she happily sent her over anyway knowing I was heavily pg made me furious!

  6. #75
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    2plusbaby is offline <------ "Jellybean" at 12wks 5days
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    I just wanna say your all doing a great job, SM and BM included. It is not easy AT ALL, to send your child to say with Dad and the new... SM. Never liked the term to be honest. I'm your Mum not her... (sorry little vent)... she didnt raise you, she is there when you visit your father... Hardly the same...

    On the other hand I am a SM too. However BM died when he was just 7 months old, so he has no memory of her. And I am his SM by his choice, you can see above how I feel about it so it was NEVER a forced thing!!

    As a SM I find I give exceptions to him that I dont give my own. I really try very very hard to be as equal as I possibly can. I love him to bits, I feel most of the time he is mine, but he still get exceptions. SS suffers from Aspergers Syndrome, so is difficult as the best of time... now his a teenager, young for his age and OMG has the attitude started... TBH if my bio son spoke to me like the way my SS does I would smack his mouth... but I dont... I almost feel I dont have the right... ALthough I am one of his primary carers (along with his Dad).

    Don't get me wrong, smacking is not something that is practiced in our household, however enough is enough. We have tried EVERYTHING we and the parenting group we went to could think of... reward, punishment, talking it out, writing it down, this action = this consquence... all to no avail... SS is close to 6ft tall and has no trouble "throwing his weight around". I will not be constantly disrespected from anyone, DF never speaks that way - especially not towards me, so I certainly don't expected it from SS. Bio son is starting to copy... makes me so angry.

    anyway that ended up being a little of a vent... sorry!!

    RULE for SM: Don't ever think your doing enough... your not the "REAL" parent, enough is never enough... more is expected for the same level of respect.

  7. #76
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    2plusbaby. I must say, I have never wanted or tried to be my step daughters mother and would never want to be. I think many bio mothers get a bit paranoid about that stuff to be honest. I have my own children to look after and do not expect to be treated like cr@p by a guest in my house, and that is what she is.

  8. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by spoon View Post
    2plusbaby. I must say, I have never wanted or tried to be my step daughters mother and would never want to be. I think many bio mothers get a bit paranoid about that stuff to be honest. I have my own children to look after and do not expect to be treated like cr@p by a guest in my house, and that is what she is.
    Yep, when I came onto the scene and it became obvious that the girls adored me, they got a talking to from their mother "she will never be ur mother!" HELLO!!! I don't want to b, as much as she is an idiot she does do a pretty good job with them. I also try and think how I wld feel and I wldnt like some young woman trying to b my kids mum, so why wld I do it to her??? I found out she said this because one of the girls just said it randomly one day, I turned around and said "that's ok I don't want to b ur mum, U've already got a good one!" - took alot for me to say it nicely lol

  9. #78
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    2plusbaby is offline <------ "Jellybean" at 12wks 5days
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    I bet saying it so nicely was a little of a challenge! I was just saying in my own experience with bio sons father, any woman he happened to be seeing at the time, son would come home with the SM and step brothers and sisters implanted in his head... annoying!!!

    Even now with my own step son we let the kids decide for themselves, he decide I was his SM and my bio son decided that he had a step brother.

    Blended families can be such a challenge some days!! Your all amazing, blended families or not

  10. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2plusbaby View Post
    I bet saying it so nicely was a little of a challenge! I was just saying in my own experience with bio sons father, any woman he happened to be seeing at the time, son would come home with the SM and step brothers and sisters implanted in his head... annoying!!!
    Yea that wld suck

  11. #80
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    this has made me feel better about myself. we only have sd part time but it istill an issue (not the child, the bm) i wish i could print out these "rules". would love to put them up for everyone to read. i really need a printer.

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