Don't know how to handle him!

**TheUndomesticGoddess** · 01-02-2011 08:15

DS is 4 and a half months old. Up until about 3 weeks ago, he was a great self settler - I would literally put him down awake and he would go to sleep within 5-10 minutes without any crying. In the last 2 weeks especially, there are times when I will put him down for a sleep, and he will bable to himself for about 5-10 minutes, then start whinging, then evertually crying hysterically with real tears.

I usually go in to replace his dummy at some point early on, before he starts really whinging/crying. But when he gets to the point of proper crying, I will go in and replace dummy and pat his bum - this used to work, but now he won't settle with just doing this, in fact, I'm pretty sure my presence in the room gets him more worked up.

Not ALL sleeps are like this though, although the non-self settling is being more frequent. Yesterday, his morning sleep, he went down fine, as he did today. We went out, and he was late for his lunctime sleep, fell asleep in the car for 15 minutes then I put him in cot when we got home but then he babled for a bit then started whinging then the hysterical teary crying started. I eventually took him into my room and lay down with him on my bed, where we BOTH fell asleep LOL (but he still was upset initially even with laying in my bed with me) Then, last night I put him to bed after a bath and book and he was rubbingh his eyes - yet he spent nearly the next hour crying/screaming. I would go in every few mins to replace dummy/pat bum. I would tell him firmly 'It is time to sleep'. Evertually, after some bum patting (an nearly an hour after bedtime) he fell asleep - from pure exhaustion, I think.

I just don't know how to handle him when he is so upset. I'm not used to a crying bub! He never has been like this, ever. I think that, essentially, I am using a controlled crying approach - which I don't really want to do, but I don't know what else to do, as I said he seems to get more worked up when im in there trying to help him to sleep!

Another thing - I'm sooo unsure of how long he should be sleeping now, the 'routine' we were in previous to the last 3 weeks was very predictable, so now im confuised! He will wake/stir around 4:30-6am - sometimes he will be stirring that whole time, but I never feed gim before 6am. My question in regards to that is: how long after feeding him at 6am, should I keep him awake for? As he shows tired signs after about half hour-45mins after bottle, but then if he has been stirring since around 4:30-6am, he has been awake a long time? I'm unsure how long to keep him up, in that instance, before putting him back to bed.

I TRY to keep him up for 2 hours between sleeps during the day, but when he starts showing his tired signs, I will put him to bed pretty much straight away (if we are at home). I don't want to risk him getting overtired, but then even putting him to bed when he shows the signs, he can sometimes get hysterical after 10 mins in cot. And he doesnt have a 'set' bedtime - it's anywhere between 5:30-6:30pm. His bedtime depends on what time he napped during the day (as it changes slightly each day). I'm so confused and I'd REALLY appreciate replies with advice!!!!!!

I know it is prob a pahse, and he MAY be teething (not sure?) but in the meantime, I need a better solution to him settling when he gets like this. Some days and nights he is perfectly fine and capable of getting himself to sleep. It's just some days he can't/won't now. HELP!

**TheUndomesticGoddess** · 01-02-2011 21:05

Really? 32 sticky beaks, but no one responds? LOL!!
I REALLY need some advice, anything, as I may of tried it, or i may not have tried it..so many mummy's out there that have prob been through same thing, but no one wants to share their secret to helping bubs sleep!!

**GirlsRock** · 01-02-2011 21:21

Ooh now I feel bad for reading and not having any advice for you. Thought I would post anyway just to say I hope it gets better sometime soon.

**Hannahly** · 01-02-2011 21:29

He sounds as though he has figured out that he doesn't 'have to go to sleep' and is protesting. Maybe he just needs a few days of some re-self settling techniques, but tricky age. Could be stacks of reasons (teeth/hunger/growth spurt/more alert now).

Sorry im not much help either... It's not for trying to keep techniques secret (for what it's worth i used save our sleep as a guide not gospel and it worked for my kids) it's just all kids and families have different needs and desires and ways

**Nicky2006** · 01-02-2011 21:37

hmmm I don't really want to give an advice, its so difficult because I have a completely different approach. I wonder if you stress yourself too much by establishing a schedule. But then again I don't believe in scheduling babies but just go with the flow and the instinct. My heart jumped when I read you fell asleep with him!! And why not! Maybe he is currently in cuddly mood, or teething or having a growth spurt or whatever. I think with cuddles you know they can't do damage and tbh I would pick him up before he gets the freaky cry. I always think maybe mine is sore somewhere I mean we are never top fit either and how hard it would be then if someone would keep on coming and going for a quick talk and go iykwim. Sorry difficult to describe and even more difficult to not get involved in a cc vs attachment parenting discussion lol...

**TheUndomesticGoddess** · 01-02-2011 22:22

this is my issue - I DON'T want to use the controlled crying method! But, I have no idea how to help him settle anymore. I seem to make him worse by being in the room with him trying to help him. So, I end up letting him cry for a couple mins each time before going in to try resettle again. I'm really confused HOW to settle him. I dont want to be picking him up all the time, and him getting used to that. I just dont know what to do with him anymore when he gets like this. I'm by myself, so when he gets hysterical, Its hard to walk away to try calm myself down, as at times him being so upset makes ME want to cry! And I don't have someone here with me to help me with him so I can take a breather for 5 mins before trying again! I just really don't knwo what to do, and I need to figure out how to help him re-settle. He CAN do it, he's proved it, I just dont know why now he won't, at times.

**Nicky2006** · 01-02-2011 22:40

I have absolutely been in the same situation I was a single mum, too tired and exhausted to help Ds1 sometimes when he was upset. Where abouts are you? Maybe I can give you some support? Well with Ds2 I have figured out for me that if I pick him up all the time it made him a more content boy in general. He does fall asleep happily cause he trusts that if there I sth I am there. He might really just have changed, needing more physical contact! Do you use a sling? The days ds gets too unsettled I use this to put him asleep. A few days later he is back to normal then.

**Nicky2006** · 01-02-2011 22:41

do you bf? Cause then it might be sth you eat?

**bressar** · 01-02-2011 22:54

Virgomum I'll be brief cos I'm on my ph, my DD is 4.5 mths old and I could of written the first 4 paragraphs myself...mine doesn't have a dummy tho. Wot the hell is going on lol?? I've resorted to breastfeeding to sleep at the moment...i don't control cry but like u said she gets more upset if I'm in her room arghh
no advice for you I'm afraid but fingers x for us both it is an age thing that will pass!!!
Also I put my bub down straight after a feed if it's like 5-6am..was keeping her awake for 2 hrs between naps but I think it's too long for her
i went and borrowed Elizabeth Pantleys No cry sleep solution from the library - it's helped a little
good luck xx