Oh Sara - you brought a little tear to my eye (in a good way!)
I'm really proud of YOU for telling Oliver's story because I know some parts of your story would have been very painful and difficult reliving. But by doing so, you're raising awareness of heart disease in infants and showing more often than not, there are happy endings! New heart mums will read your story and it will give them hope so really, you've done an amazing thing.
Me & DP
DD; DS2 ; DS1 - Heart Angel 4/3-26/5/08
i dont think ive posted in any of your threads before, but i have been reading your story from when you started all your tests etc during your pregnancy..
thankyou so much for sharing this story with us, you are such a strong and inspirational woman and mother and what a beautiful little fighter you have there
cant wait to read the rest.
Me: 31 hubby: 31 Little miss 2 yo
IVF: 1st cycle: April 2010: BFN; 2nd cycle: June 2010: BT 4/8= 3rd cycle: October 2012- Freeze all; FET Feb 2013- BFN; FET March 2013- BFN; FET April 2013- 11/5
MyThreeCubs, I'm reading your story with great difficulty. Words are just completely inadequate to describe the traumatic journey you've been on. We were blissfully unaware that there was a problem with our angel's heart (and even now they are still running tests and we may never know what it was) until he was born and didn't survive. We also didn't know until birth whether our new little DS would be ok as no scan or test could rule out the possibility that he would have the same condition as his brother. Despite this, I simply cannot imagine how you were able to get through each day of your pregnancy knowing what you did. You are truly amazing. I'm so glad to know this story has a happy ending - it makes reading it just that little bit easier.
35yo single Mumma to
DS 12, DD 5 & DS 2
Hamish David 30.1.10 - 30.1.10Moments in my arms, forever in my heart
Sara your story has bought me to tears.. and also given me hope in a way I never thought possible.
My belief in miracles had gone but you are living proof.
I am speechless.
Me = 41 DH = 46
11 rounds of IVF.
Our little angel, Callum, born sleeping @ 21 weeks
Another precious angel, Elise, born sleeping @ 28 weeks
My ceaserean was booked for the 20th December. Of coarse this sent me into chaos- 5 days before xmas? I was utterly and completely convinced that I was going to miss xmas with my other 3 children and while in the grand scheme of things it seemed a petty and shallow issue to be concerned about- it was just one last thing to throw me over the edge.
I threw myself into organising a freezer stocked full of food for my husband and the kids, buying and wrapping all the xmas presents and hiding the Santa ones. I suppose the only upside to not buying or organising any things for the baby was that it freed up a tiny bit of time. I did, however, set about planning the ceaserean itself to the finest detail. I met with both Drs who would be performing the surgery, (Dr Shae and Fiona, thank GOD- my pleading I think wore her down!) I double checked that our family paediatrician would be on call that day at the hospital and a paediatric team was booked to be in attendance at theatre. I had a consult with the anesthethist as I was terrified that they would need to use a gneral anesthetic as they had for my last ceaserean when the spinal block wouldn't work. They agreed that it was preferable to again try the spinal as the risk to the baby of a GA was significant- but they booked the senior anesthethist to attend the surgery in case 1) the spinal didn't work and 2) If they had to get the baby out lightning quick if the GA needed to be administered. In the end, even I couldn't deny that I had the best people lined up to deliver this baby which subsequently brought forth a fresh wave of panic-what the hell happens if I go into labour BEFORE the 20th?? Dr Shae it would appear shared my feelings on this as when I voiced this concern his only response was, "Please don't!"
The morning of the birth came- I was to be at the hospital at 6am and I was to be the first, "cab of the rank," so to speak. I was tired- more so emotionally I think, as after sobbing inconsolably from about 11pm- 12:30am I had exhausted myself to the point where sleep WAS the only consolation. To say that I was terrified was an understatement- every little kick, nudge or movement I prayed wasn't going to be the last- I really think, had I the option, I would have kept that baby in forever if it ment keeping him safe. I couldn't believe that D day was here- and I wasn't ready for it. However, once at the hospital I was strangely calm. As anybody who has had a planned c-sect would know, it's a very strange feeling to be sitting, standing, walking, feeling fine- knowing that in a matter of hours you will be confined to a bed in sheer agony. Not a pleasent prospect. I was extremely greatful that my best friend was there to meet me at the hospital and hold my hand until I was taken to theatre, as my husband was at home, getting our children off to pre-school. She was a calming and reassuring presence and I think we even managed some jokes while we were waiting. I remember her telling me that my hair looked nice and I said, "well that's the main thing isn't it? "lol.
The nurses came and did my pre-op checklist etc and I did began to lose it when the 2nd one in a row enquired about the "anxiety" that was noted on the front page of my file. I asked her, "Did you actually read my file?" (thinking if you bloody well had you wouldn't need to ask!) Of coarse she hadn't, neither of them had and I thought PLEASE DON'T SPEAK TO ME. If you can't manage a cursory glance at my file which would tell you WHY I am anxious then please don't bother speaking to me at all!
Luckily at only 7:30am they came to take me to theatre. I was given my hospital bracelets and began the long journey down the corridors. The orderly who was accommpanying us was quite funny, upon hearing that this was our forth baby he told my husband that he could give him the number of the local bloke that does vasectomies. I told him that I wasn't leaving theatre until my tubes were well and truly tied but what the hell, why not make it doubly certain? Lol.
All of the theatre staff were fantastic. It was quite a big crew with the paeds and the extra consultants. They all knew our situation and were doing their upmost to keep us calm and relaxed. I even got a local before my canula was inserted without having to ask! The worst part was the administering of the spinal. The anestethist assistant had me sit on the bed, bent over a pillow with my hands on his shoulders. He was talking to me, trying to keep me still and calm. It. Bloody. HURT. I am sure that she was so determined to make it work that she pushed it further and further in, to the point where i was crying and yelling that it hurt and begging her to stop. Finally she told me it was in and her assistant told me, "you did great, really great- well, except for that part where you were screaming!"
Immediately I started to feel it take effect and that was actually the point where I did start to panic. In all honesty I NEVER expected it to work and secretly I always thought that I would have to be put under and while on the one hand THAT terrified me- actually being awake for this ordeal was not something I had ever seriously contemplated. The higher up the numbness began to creep, the more I started to panic. They begin to set up the curtain in front of me and that was when I knew that this was seriously happening. I was shaking at that point and every time the anesthethist asked me if I could still feel it when she touched me with the ice cube I was desperately relieved when it got to a point where i COULD feel it. Every little bit of feeling gave me a little more control. The anesthethist was having none of it though and tipped me upwards so that gravity would encourage the spinal to take full effect- and it did.
The nurse told me that they were going to insert the catheter. My last ceaserean they had done so while I could still feel it and this time, to my immense relief they respected me enough to wait. I am not sure after this at what point they started cutting but the nurse holding my hand was doing her best to distract me with converataion and while I can only remember snippets now she did quite a good job. After a while I was beginning to wonder what on earth they were doing down there- did it really take that long to get a baby out? I could feel little tugs and a bit of pressure but the atmosphere was very peaceful and I assumed Dr Shae was taking his time with the surgery, as he had told me he would. I would have to guess that it was around 20 minutes or so, although at the time it felt much longer, before the nurse warned me that there would be a lot of pulling and tugging and it would not be long before the baby was out. I was completely uprepared for the AMOUNT of pulling and tugging- I would liken it to that last spin cycle of the washing machine- nor was i prepeared for the roar of the suction while they vaccumed out the fluid around my baby. My heart stood still at this point as did my breath until finally, finally, somebody said, "and baby is out!" I am crying now as I write this. I was terrified, scared to breathe, just waiting for a sound- anything- and then he cried. Just one little cry to let me know that he was alive. I can't adequately describe how surreal it was to hear this baby cry, this baby that would never cry, would never live. I lay fairly motionless, frozen as they whisked him over to the table. I saw them cluster around him but nobody was panicked- except me, I hadn't heard him cry again. Fiona, bless her yelled out, "It's definately a boy, he has a big penis!" then suddently, without warning he cried- really cried. Screamed, actually. I said to the nurse closest to me, "Is he allright?",My voice choked with anxiety. She stopped, looked at me and laughed, "he sounds ok to me!"
As they cleaned him up and listened to his heart, his little cries filled the room and I began to cry also. Sob, would be more accurate Somebody, I have no idea who, kept passing me tissues. Through my tears I saw my husband cut his umbelical cord and somebody showed me our camera so I could see his beautiful face. Finally, he was passed to me, wrapped in a blanket- only his face visible and supported by my husband I held him to my chest, trembling, shaking and crying but by this point he was asleep, content. I cannot ever adequately describe that moment. The first thing I noticed were his little ears- perfect, flat against his little head. He had a perfect little nose and a perfect little mouth, his lower lip jutting out slightly. Those moments that I held him were absolutley surreal. I could not fully comprehend that this was HIM. This was my baby. This was the little person that we had nearly lost, that we had cried and grieved over. this was the little person who I had fought so hard to keep alive. This was him. I was holding him. Oh, he was perfect. It was unbelievable.
My baby is out!!!!!!
The big big cry
Continued page 4
Last edited by MyFourCubs; 24-01-2011 at 12:24.
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Wow wow wow!! I keep waiting for the next installment and with this one you have finally drawn tears form me
Congratulations on the arrival of your little man
DD1 3.5 years
DD2 11 months