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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Wishart, Qld
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Gaslighting - have you heard of it?

    I knew my ex was a sociopathic compulsive liar (this is not so much an insult as pretty close to the truth going by my own research of his behaviour)...

    a close friend, who is very familar with how he behaves, just put me on to this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting it's call gaslighting and I just realised this is exactly what he has done to me throughout our marriage.

    eg would be mostly around money but also around other things..
    me 'didn't you pay that bill'
    him (long convoluted story of lies)
    me 'did you pay it then or not I can't tell?
    him 'I paid it last week'

    2 weeks later when a reminder comes in the mail (final notice)

    me 'didn't you pay that?'
    him 'no I said I was going to pay it but I couldn't pay it because.. (cue long pack of lies that are rather complicated)
    me (confused) so you didn't pay it? what ever??? I'll pay it give it to me..
    him 'no no I'll pay it today I'm going past so will pay it this morning I'll sort it out..'
    me 'er... okay'

    2 weeks later final notice

    me 'didn't you pay that bill???!'
    him 'I told you I couldn't do it.. plus I went to pay it but they wouldn't take the money.. blah blah blah and you know you're not good with money and you get confused easily'

    okay.. it might sound like I'm pretty dumb to keep believing or trusting in this man but his so confusing that you don't realise it's happening. I ended up taking over the home finances but then he just lied to me about how much money he was making in his business so took over that as well eventually but then he lied to me about how much he was charging customers etc.. in the end (final straw for me) was him getting a $7000 personal loan out behind my back while we had 3 very young children and could hardly make ends meet (he got it to buy himself a musical instrument) and he had several different bank accounts to deposit cash from his job into which we never saw I found out eventually..

    has anybody else experienced this gaslighting thing? how did you recover/trust anybody ever again?

    my ex still sees the kids twice a week (I have 100% custody) but he still lies to me pretty much the whole time he's over (esp about child support). I find it so enraging!! I get mad with him then he tells me I am being nasty to him in front of the kids so he wins again! I find him impossible to deal with.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    What you have described would be hell to live with, thank goodness he is out of your life.
    Last edited by Stiflers Mom; 06-01-2011 at 22:36.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    My place...
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yep sounds exactly like my ex too... except it wasn't money it was other stuff like going out with the mates golf and who he was playing up with behind my back.


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