Vent- I think I have issues

[Kaileysmum]

Hi all, I don’t know if this goes here but I’ll put it here anyways.
I’ll start with telling you I’m going through a bit of a bad time at the moment with myself, keep getting depressed about everything, and getting obsessive thoughts about negative things. But I think I’m driving my partner away.
I’ve been spending most of our time together talking about how I think he doesn’t love me anymore, and that he’d prefer someone better. But I just can’t help it…..I’m paranoid about it as I’m so insecure about myself. I am overweight and I know he liked it better when I was smaller (as he has told me once I forced it out of him), he doesn’t hug or kiss me much anymore, he doesn’t say nice things to me like he did. He went out on the weekend with the boys which he never does (he hates the pub seen), he ignores me when I talk to him some times, and he’s constantly late home from work. So all these things are making me think he doesn’t want to be around me, we have talked about it over the last few nights (most of the talking is me crying lol) and he says I’m being silly, that maybe I have something wrong with me as I’m never happy and always agitated. Which got me thinking maybe it is all me, I don’t know…Ahhhh !!! Sorry its long and probably doesnt make sence, but I needed to get it out of my head..

[mumslilspunks]

Big to you!
I have times like this. I think that DH regrets marrying me etc but men are just a very weird speices (SP?)
I think you may be reading a bit to much into things, late home from work etc.
Have you thought about maybe speaking to your gp?
I do hope you feel better and feel free to PM me if you need a chat.

[Foxy]

Hugs to you Kaileysmum , sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I think it is normal to feel a bit down from time to time, especially when you have a little one, DH, house, work etc all demanding your attention. If you think it is a little more than just feeling "down", I hope you consider having a chat to your GP.

Whenever I feel like my DH and I are "going though the motions" eg, not as much affection, not as many compliments etc, I try and remind myself that you get back what you give out, if that makes sense. Maybe you could try showing him some more affection, or giving a compliment. Even something as simple as cooking his favourite dinner just to show him you care, could remind him of how lucky he is to have you! Maybe you could try and plan a picnic or similar activity for this weekend that you can do together as a family.

Men sometimes have no idea, and it's up to us as the superior sex to remind them!

[~Alicia]

ohhhh Kaileysmum I'm exactly the same so I know what you're going through. Please feel free to pm me

[SamanthaJane]

I know how you feel aswell

Just keep your chin up and try to stay as positive as you can

He loves you, and you love him, relationships just need work to keep them going

Maybe a little night or 2 away somewhere (alone) would help

[natasha]

Oh dear hun. I go through times like that and in the words of Doctor Phil, I think to myself 'How much fun am I to be around when I'm like that?'

It sometimes pulls me out of it. I think DH doesn't even want to come home sometimes and whenever he goes out I always yell at him that he would rather be out with his mates or working late than be with me.
he turned round to me one day and said 'well do you blame me?'!! He said that all I do when he's in is moan and complain that he doesn't love me and he's going to find someone better and leave me. He said it wears him down so much that yes, he does want to go out just to get away from it.

I try and be more positive about things. I try and make myself fun to be around, and to be honest it's a real struggle sometimes, but I put myself in his shoes and listen to myself going on and on and i can see where he's coming from.

As for advice.......You have to love yourself before anyone else can truly love you. You need to work on your self esteem. Become the type of person you want to be, and your husband would want you to be. And that doesnt mean losing weight if you don't want to. My DH says he would rather have me happy, content with him and my life,fun to be around,loving my husband,and a little overweight than some stuck up skinny thing who is obsessed with herself any day.
Hope that makes sense.
You have to work on yourself, when you are happy within yourself, the worry and paranoia will go away, I promise, and you will become someone your partner cant bear to be away from.
What do you like doing? Just you, on your own? Before you had your baby...what did you like? What were you good at? You need to start finding yourself again it sounds like.
Gosh i hope that doesnt all come across badly, Im rambling now hehe.

[~Alicia]

ohhh Natasha! I know u were talking to the OP, but that's exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks

[LittleBoysRock]

I know exactly how you feel!

I have come to the realisation that DH loves me just the way I am! I am the one who doesnt like who/what I am and only I can change that. It is very easy to take these things out on the ones we love. I frequently take things out on DH that have nothing to do with him....he is very good at pointing this out to me.

I didnt feel down like this until after DS was born. I think being a Mummy is emotionally draining. We get NO time to ourselves and life revolves around baby and DH. Maybe taking some time to yourself or go out with some girlfriends...it might help to give you a lift!

[Kaileysmum]

I didnt feel down like this until after DS was born.

Same here, thats when it all started for me, I dont know why, maybe the weight I put on when I was pregnant, and the pressures of being a mum. Its funny how having a baby can change you.

Thanks guys for all the replies, Im glad Im not the only one who feels like this, I wish I could just stop the stupid thoughts about it all, as I know deep down that Im being so silly.....Thanks natasha for the advise too, it was very helpful, and I know exactly what you mean. I need to feel better about myself and then I will maybe think Im good enough to be loved. Thanks heaps guys!!!