it's got to stop

[drunk incognito]

I am a long time BH user, but have signed in 'incognito' to get some advice about something I am worried and ashamed about.

A bit of background - as a teenager and through my 20s I was a very heavy drinker - big binges on the weekend and drank steadily throughout the week too (while managing to hold down a full time job). I have had several bouts of depression throughout my 20s and have been on and off antidepressants for years. Each time the black dog rears it's ugly head, I stop drinking AS much (to try to give myself half a chance at recovering) but once I start to feel better my level of drinking starts to creep up again and the cycle is set in motion once again.

I stopped drinking completely when I was pregnant and drank very little throughout the 15 months that I BF, but since weaning, my drinking has been steadily increasing to now when I am drinking around a bottle of wine a night. I am waking up most mornings feeling rat$**** - hungover & guilty that I let it 'happen again'. I am feeling less and less able to control it and throughout the day whenever anything stresses me out or irritates me (which is more and more often these days) all I can think is "man, I could do with a glass of wine". I know I need to stop. I just don't know how.

I was hoping that I could call on the ever knowledgable BH to swing me some support and some suggestions and to how I can help myself. I need to do this or it is going to destroy me.

TIA

[Just Add Water]

First of all, huge congrats to you for realising that you need help, that takes an amazing amount of strength.

I would really suggest going to talk to your gp, or giving alcoholics annonymous a call.

Main website: http://www.aa.org.au/
Phone Numbers: http://www.aa.org.au/contact-aa-phone-helplines.php

Addictions are horrible things which we don't choose to have in our lives, so please don't blame yourself for this disease you are dealing with.

Keep talking about it, even if you stay undercover, hopefully you will realise you have a lot of support on here and no doubt there are members who have been where you are and can help you on this path.

[MyFourCubs]

I don't have a huge amount of experience with addiction but I think it's fantastic that you are realising that there is a problem. I also commend you on stopping drinking while you were pregnant and bfing- that is fantastic and a huge accomplishment! Don't underestimate how strong you are as you clearly can overcome this with the right motivation. I am not going to attempt to write anymore as I am seriously underqualified but just wanted to give you a for reaching out and asking for help. I hope somebody can jump in with more ideas for you.

[MamaKoala]

Big hugs. Someone with experience will be able to answer better but I think you should cone clean to your family first and get them to support you. AW meetings would be a good start or speak to someone about a recovery program, either out patient or in patient.
Good luck with your recovery.

[SuperGranny]

hi, well done for you to admit you have a problem. that is always the first step to getting help and starting the recovery. I would second the advice of ringing AA or Lifeline, someone to talk to is important. One more step, empty the cupboards of all the wine or other alcohol you have in the house. It is not easy to overcome addictions, but it can be done one day at a time. hugs, Marie.

[Hokey Pokey]

I suffer with severe depression and although I do not drink, I know how hard this is =(

Drinking will definately affect your mental illness which I'm sure you already know.

Have you sought help for your addiction to alcohol?

Big hugs xxxx

[drunk incognito]

Thank you all for your quick replies. OOpsie Daisy - I haven't sought any professional help for my drinking (if that's what you mean). I guess the first step would be to go and speak to my GP. I think that, for me, will be a really, really hard step because it sort of makes it 'official'

I have tried to speak to my DH about it a few times but I think he doesn't honestly see the problem - he doesn't mind a drink or 'two' himself & I think he thinks I am being a bit overdramatic if that makes sense. To be totally honest with myself, I think he doesn't mind at all if I am a bit pi$$ed of an evening because I tend to get a bit frisky (and stone sober my libido is pretty poor). I don't want to make him out to sound like a total git though - he is wonderfully supportive in all other aspects of life...

[Theophania]

Hi DI

I read your post and it really hit a cord with me. I too have a drinking problem. I was a massive binge drinker before I had kiddies. I stopped drinking while pregnant as well, but it seems as soon as I could I would drink. I have a family history of alcohol abuse so it seems I am set in the cycle.

Since falling pregnant with DD I have seen a drug and alcohol counsellor, a social worker and a psychologist on a regular basis. But at the end of the day they can 't make the changes for me, it is something that is going to have to come from within me... I need to find my inner strength. I know its there, you have it too you also managed to stop drinking while pregnant.

I find that I am often making excuses for myself when I drink. I end up feeling depressed and guilty the next day and swear to never drink again and then two days later after the guilt has passed I find myself opening another bottle of wine. I have tried to stop so many times, but all I can think to myself is 'how boring will life be without a drink', but to be honest life will be so much better because I won't have hang overs to deal with and I can get out of bed and take the kiddies out for the day without freaking out about driving and still being over the legal limit....

I am considering AA. I think the group support is probably going to be the best thing for me now. I don't know where in Aus you are, but if you ever want to chat or need some support I would be happy to chat on FB, MSN or exchange phone numbers. I know how bad it feels when you are continually waking up and slapping yourself for what you did the night before......

[drunk incognito]

thanks for your reply too SM - although I hate to think of anyone else going through this turmoil, it does make me feel a little less alone! Thanks also for your offers of support - I may well take you up on it sometime in the future. I hadn't thought of accessing a one on one D&A councillor - I am not sure I am ready for the whole group AA thing, but a one on one session might be a good start. Thanks for the fuel for thought and wishing you all the best in your personal journey too

[Pinkzy]

As someone who was placed into rehab 3.5 years ago because of my then drinking (and drug) problem, I really feel for you and what you're going through. Apart from the physical pain and illness, I remember the emotional side of it well. The guilt, shame, anxiety, fear. The lengths I'd go to to hide the problem from loved ones (which was pretty easy as I lived alone then).

The suggestions in this thread are great and seeking help is the first (and most important) step you can take. It's also a very wonderful (and a very POSITIVE) thing you've done by reaching out for support and guidance here. You're not alone

You will get through this and you will recover - I know you will. If you need a shoulder or someone to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me . Sending lots of love, strength and support your way xo.