I am a long time BH user, but have signed in 'incognito' to get some advice about something I am worried and ashamed about.
A bit of background - as a teenager and through my 20s I was a very heavy drinker - big binges on the weekend and drank steadily throughout the week too (while managing to hold down a full time job). I have had several bouts of depression throughout my 20s and have been on and off antidepressants for years. Each time the black dog rears it's ugly head, I stop drinking AS much (to try to give myself half a chance at recovering) but once I start to feel better my level of drinking starts to creep up again and the cycle is set in motion once again.
I stopped drinking completely when I was pregnant and drank very little throughout the 15 months that I BF, but since weaning, my drinking has been steadily increasing to now when I am drinking around a bottle of wine a night. I am waking up most mornings feeling rat$**** - hungover & guilty that I let it 'happen again'. I am feeling less and less able to control it and throughout the day whenever anything stresses me out or irritates me (which is more and more often these days) all I can think is "man, I could do with a glass of wine". I know I need to stop. I just don't know how.
I was hoping that I could call on the ever knowledgable BH to swing me some support and some suggestions and to how I can help myself. I need to do this or it is going to destroy me.