Strategies to prevent selfish greediness?

[Piffle]

Hmmm I'm really very disturbed by all the threads about the terrible behaviour of kids at Christmas time. Especially regarding the selfish uncaringness and greed about presents etc. I've been wondering what I can do to prevent this happening with DS in the future (he's 14 months now).

Does anyone have any ideas?

The strategies I have come up with so far:
1) Every Christmas DS can round up a boxful of toys he doesn't play with anymore to give to "poor kids" (charity) so they can have a nice Christmas too.
2) Try to get him really involved with the gift GIVING e.g. pick out pressies and wrap them.
3) Don't get too many pressies for him - I feel maybe a lot of the problem comes from kids getting mountains of pressies at Christmas, the specialness of each pressie is diminished cause it's all about what's coming next, and the total tally etc. This Christmas we intended just to get him a sandpit and a few stocking stuffers from Santa but with all the family pressies (), it really added up. Will try to be more strict about this in future years.
4) Also, I remember as a child Mum giving me a lecture about not being selfish if I wasn't thankful for a pressie and explaining I need to say thankyou and appreciate the gifts even if I don't like it very much (this came after getting a Bible as a present hahaha). So I may need to employ more obvious tactics to explain about correct behaviour also.

Any other ideas or thoughts? What do you do?

Cheers!!

[BigRedV]

I thnk you could get your child to list 10 things he wants, and maybe get him 5 of them.

[Aussiemummy]

We do homemade gifts and things which are sentimental.... homesewn and painted clothes, homemade teddybears, cooking, scrapbooking, having photos developed, printing a nice poem or quotes, vouchers to spend days together to see something new etc...

Also every year we buy or donate towards the kmart wishing tree, food collections and any other charities needing help...

I thought once Ds gets a bit older and is able to understand more we'd buy things from oxfam... like a goat, school supplies etc for people in 3rd world countries...

I have also heard of families baking muffins and making cards for sick children in hospital over christmas, elderly in retirement homes or sending packages to those who are in the army/navy/airforce etc....

[MarchMumma]

Totally agree with you! Our little guy is only 9 months old, but after witnessing the appalling and ungrateful behavior of our nephew yesterday, my Dh and I have decided to adopt similar strategies to what you've outlined. We are going to do the annual toy cleanse each year, but give it to a womens refuge centre or something for kids who really need toys!

[Mmm Dessert]

OP, I do roughly the same thing with my two big kids (aged four and two) that you've outlined.

I'm very strict with manners from my children anyway, but even more so when it comes to gift giving and receiving. I always try and get them to hand out their gifts first (sometimes it's the adults who get too excited and start loading them up with presents the minute they walk in the door) and show their appreciation for what they've been given.

Today we also spent some time going through their toys, picking out what they've finished with that can be donated to charity. I've explained that some children can't afford new toys, so this is like their present to them.

I'm proud, and a little bit embarrassed, to say that they were both absolute gems yesterday and today. (Apart from a little sleep-deprived meltdown from DD in the late afternoon).

[nothanksbye]

I think kids get rude because they are usually exhausted and overwhelmed.

So the best strategy is to pace it out.
Kids usually unwrap pressies and take a million phone calls, then go visiting or have people in their house..get more pressies, speak to more people... Mum and dad usually get a lot more relaxed and normal routine and rules go out the window, so the kids get more wound up then usual.

They crash and behave how anyone would when exhausted and overwhelmed with no idea how to lift back out of it.

Christmas burn out...I just cover mine with strawberry champagne.

My kids got spoilt rotten and didnt turn psycho..this year...

But we had NO one over to the house, we didnt go anywhere. They had to have a nap after lunch and we watched a movie together.
We went out today and they got more pressies.


But it was paced and slow and they didnt lose it.

DS did cry when he got a bike..but it was happy tears.

[Señor Chang]

One thing my parents did was that with any money we received through gifts, chores or pocket money we had to save a portion and donate a portion. We could choose the amount and who we wanted to donate it to. It could be a charity or it could be buying a lunch order for a kid at school who didn't have lunch. We always spoke about why it was more important to give rather than receive.

[Dannielle]

My girls are always really excited and happy with what they get. Even yesterday when they got the presents from family you couldn't tell what they liked more as they seemed just as happy with the new clothes as they did with the books or toys.

We always go through all their toys etc together every year before christmas and give away anything they don't really want anymore to charity.

They DO get TONS of presents from Santa though. Then anything from 1 to 3 or 4 things from us. But it never costs a lot overall. They don't get big $$$ items. They do all get a few presents the same or similar but even when 1 opened things that the other hadn't opened yet I didn't have 1 jealous at all.

We always include things they need for school the next year plus anything else they need. So, amongst this years presents were art smocks (for my twins), drink bottles, insulated bags, pencils, textas, pencil cases, pens, highlighters and library bags. They also got new clothes, toothbrushes and travel containers (we are going away), book lights, books, cheapie lanterns and puzzle books. And they even got a new little toy storage box (one of those one's that comes folded up made with material) which they loved. They got a few toys and dolls too.

I always take them shopping to get their sisters presents from them too. This year I gave them $6 each for each sister and we just went to the local shops. They were SO excited and really put some thought into what they picked. I have to admit by the time we finished I was a bit over it as it had taken so long but they were pretty cute trying to choose the perfect thing within their price range and then hide it from their sisters and wrap them when we got home. Then yesterday morning they couldn't wait to see each others reactions when they opened their presents. It's one of my favourite things about christmas.

We have had some tantrums from the little ones last night and today but I really think thats more to do with the food they have eaten and maybe tiredness. And there has been no problems at all present wise even when we discovered one of DD2's presents was broken while DD1's and DD3's were working. I just told DD2 we would see what we could do today about fixing it and she was fine with that. (And luckily I was able to swap it over early this morning.) But things are definately going to change next year and even New Years Eve this year and I will be in control of all the snack foods.

[Piffle]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys! It's good to know that that behaviour is not inevitable.

W+E+O - no need to be embarrassed at all! It sounds like your kids have lovely manners through your loving hard work.

Danielle - your DDs sounds lovely - so why do you think your kids are so well behaved etc? Do you have any specific advice regarding that?

A,R,BMum - it's true that kids are often overwrought on these big days but I don't see that as an excuse for greedy, selfish behaviour.

AussieMummy - you sound like a saint! What great ideas but I don't know if I have time or ability to homemake pressies etc. I love the idea of helping out with muffings etc at nursing homes/hospitals.

BigRedV - the list is a good idea. We had a "wish list" on the fridge when we were growing up and we certainly didn't get everything on it. Personally I think it would be very damaging to a child to get absolutely everything they wanted.

SenorChang and MarchMumma - thanks guys!

[nothanksbye]

A,R,BMum - it's true that kids are often overwrought on these big days but I don't see that as an excuse for greedy, selfish behaviour.

[:

ok..fair enough.
My children are not greedy or selfish.

DS asked what he did to deserve so much.

maybe some kids are just born rude little sh!tes.

They usually turn into rude big adults.

I do think we expect far too much from our children when most of the time the blame lies fair and square in the lap of the adult.

It will never be about strategies for christmas that will fix that...but have a human relationship with them will.

Not giving them a million presents and then sending them off to play with no attention or family input..