Giving you a great big bump and wishing you all the best in your search
Giving you a great big bump and wishing you all the best in your search
I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that I to have been through the long search for a donor embryo so know completely what you are going through.
I am really happy to say we have just had our first donor transfer and found out yesterday that I am pregnant
I advertised on this site, in the Brisbane child for many months and was also on the waiting list at our IVF clinic.
In the end I felt like I had had enough and decided to go public with my story on Facebook. I know that this may sound a little silly, but it worked! I wrote a rather long blog with our story and innermost feelings and posted the link on my wall asking all of my wonderful friends to re-post it on their wall in the hope that it would reach a family that would be able to help us.
Within 24 hrs I had so many responses, lots of amazing ladies that offered to do egg pick ups, a family who were happy to go back and make some more embryos for us as they had used all of theirs in achieving their dream and also a message from the wonderful lady who would go on to become my donor angel. It was just under two months from the very first phone call to her to the day I was in on the table having my first transfer.
So - do not give up! try every thing you have in your power to reach the person to help you!
I had decided that I would try something new every day to try and reach my donor, I was going to post up flyers, try and get free ads in local papers, put articles in newsletters and try and get my story into the paper if the facebook thing didn't work
My donor told me that she had received the letter from her clinic asking if she wanted to destroy, donate to science or donate anonymously. She felt that she didn't want to do any of these things, she had been losing sleep for two weeks over it when she read my story on facebook She said it was like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders reading it and decided then & there that she wanted to help.
The relationship that has grown between me and my donor is amazing, she told me last night that she feels like it is her sister that is pregnant but a little bit more special. I am so happy we decided to look for a known donor, it is wonderful in so many ways.
I wanted to share and tell you to keep searching and not to give up, your donor angel might be just around the corner for you to
Sharon what great news for you and your donor! It is great to hear that the joy (and relief) of donor and IP finding each other is spread between the two of you.... what I'm trying to say is that your donor has found a great solution, relief and happiness to her concerns about what to do with her extra embies through a donation that will bring so much joy to you.
We are still looking and hoping. I have been thinking about advertising on facebook in the same way you did. I don't know how to do the blog thing and am tossing around the making it know to family, friends and then through the wonders of facebook to their families and friends, who are to me ... strangers... for some reason it makes me nervous. I guess mostly because some of my family and friends who know about our IVF tries have expressed the opinion that we should give it up, we tried, didn't work and should stop to save stress and expense. And of course the others that don't know... does it matter that they know... I don't feel clear enough about it to take the plunge. Will think on it for a wee bit more. Why not put it out there... not sure why not. It was lovely to hear that you got so much support from your risk taking. I think Im nervous about getting the opposite.
Anyway, I think the difficulty your donor had with being given 3 options, none of which suited her, could be eased if known donation was better known and understood as an option. I wish clinics made it better known. It isn't fair on families with extra embies trying to work out what to do or to those of us waiting and hoping that embies might become available. Our clinic never suggested known donation as an option when we were making embies (only anon donation or destroying, they didn't have the research option), but on the upside, they did suggest websites including Aussie Egg Donors where known embie/egg donation is the norm when we began looking at requiring egg and embie donation.
I hope your pregnancy is going smoothly.
Last edited by cillile; 29-05-2011 at 18:46. Reason: wanted to add more
You raise some very valid points, things that I have been giving much thought to and would really like to find out more about. I have been thinking about approaching the IVF clinics and trying to find out what their reasons are for not promoting the known donor options. I feel that maybe it has to do with legal responsibilities and not wanting to go to the trouble of the extra work that a know donation involves. Just a guess atm, but I am going to look into it as I feel that their might be lots of couples out their that feel like my donors did and I feel very sad that these embies could have had a chance at life in a family that really want them.
It is a fact that most people just let their embies expire at the end of the 10 years as it is quite difficult to make the decision on what to do with them. I would like to see people given much more info at the very start and given councelling before they even begin on what they might like to do with left over embryos. At the moment only something like 20% of people are ok with the idea of donating their eggs/sperm/embryos, I think this might be related to being scared of the unknown.
As for your story, firstly I am saddened that you have not received support from your family. I have been very lucky in that department. In the end though it is yours & your partners decision for your family. I am sure their are people who cannot imagine doing what we have done with knowing our donor, but they are not us and we feel very happy and secure in our choices. We have to look after us first and that is the most important thing. We simply can not give up on our dream of having a family and for us it is about the children being happy and loved more than them looking like us. And part of being happy and loved it to know that their donor family are wonderful and love them also.
Putting your story on facebook is a very personal decision. It has it's good & bad points. The good is obviously the possibility of getting that amazing gift of an embryo, the bad is that everyone does know your story and very personal details, you have to be ready for that. For us we think that it was worth it, because even though every person knows our story at the moment, as time goes by it will be irrelevant if they know or not. Don't worry about what people will say, again I was very lucky and if anyone had any negative thoughts they kept them to themselves.
I suggest telling those closest to you that you are considering the idea, they do need a little time to get used to it and will raise issues with you that you can talk through with them. I look at it as adopting an embryo, only it has a bonus of the donating family loving them so much and that is why they gave them to us to have a chance at life. I would also strongly suggest that you go and get the councilling in relation to receiving donated embryos, they cover things that you might not have thought of and will give you and your partner things to think about to make sure it is the right thing for your family. We did 3 different lots, one through city fertility (our first clinic), one with a councilor connected to the IVF place at greenslopes hospital and one with QFG with our actual donors. All of these councilor were excellent, chat to your clinic and they will recommend someone.
Also I wanted to say - if you are true to yourself and are very sure that this is the right decision for you, when you are talking to someone who has doubts they will be influenced by your conviction and know you have chosen the right thing for you. Spend the time to be sure and everything will fall into place for you.
As for creating a blog, it is really easy. Go to wordpress on and create a new blog (it's free). All you have to do is pick a name and a theme and post a new blog. Write it from your heart, not what you think people may want to read. I can give you a hand if you decide to make one for the blog, I created a new hotmail email that is non identifying, I think it is best to keep your details private until you meet your potential donors - just for web security.
Then I posted the link on my facebook page and asked all of my friends to read and re-post it on their walls.
Thinking back on the donor problem with clinics, I wonder if you could put a poster up on the wall in the waiting room of your doctor or clinic? Ask them and see You have to some how reach the person who your story strikes a cord with and makes them want to help you.
Best of luck with your journey, it is a long and difficult one and has its ups and downs. Remember though that you are not alone to be true to yourself.
Hi, I havent read through your whole post sharon, sorry got a headache but, you are correct with your thinking about the clinics not promoteing the known donation and sometimes not even the anon. My donor didnt have a clue where to even look to find a woman to donate to and when she approached the clinic that were no help at all and the things they wanted her to do for an unknown donation were just plain stupid and very off putting. I found her by pure chance, through a friend on a suport site for IVF she was talking with yet another woman who wanted to donate and her clinic had told her " it is very unlikely your embryos will be donated to a couple they are more likely to go to reasearch" I am now being gifted 4 embryos and the other lady is now very hopeful that when the time comes she will be able to donate to a couple as that is both hers and her DH's wish.
Cillile, I hope your angel finds you soon and with luck we might just help those to see that their embryos are needed to help give hope of a child to others.
We are still waiting and hoping. DD turned 4 recently. We had a lovely party. Last week we went to a prep introduction session at the local school. It is hard to believe that we are already making preparations for her to enter primary school.
Last edited by cillile; 16-07-2011 at 21:46.
I'm hoping you have luck with finding your embies through this and other sites. Certainly it's frustrating to rely on the clinics. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
We have been offerred the wonderful gift of a little lone embie. We are looking forward to things progressing and being able to give it our best shot.
We are hoping that this little fella is the one.
Hi cillile, that's great news. How's it going? Really hope this will be the one.
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