I miss hot showers. Now i just have luke warm ones, DS showers with me.
I miss hot showers. Now i just have luke warm ones, DS showers with me.
I miss being able to eat at sidewalk cafes. I love watching the world go by but my son would like to go with them.
I also miss sleeping in.
Going to the toilet by myself without kids banging on the door mum, mum, MUUUUM!!
Spontaneity - being able to just go where we want
not having to deal with poo everyday
i miss when my mind was clear from the stress that comes with a special needs child.
i miss being in the work force, being a part of the world.
i miss getting the opportunity to enjoy my husbands company
i miss getting to cook fancy dinners <i have very fussy eaters so we all eat very bland dull simple things.
and like everyone else has said. i miss sleep.
i hope you get what your heart desires ((GBH))
Peace and quiet... for a WHOLE DAY. Sure, you get little bits and pieces here and there when they're asleep, but some days you just want to bludge and be pretty much left alone... but you don't get much of that when you're a parent.
The cost of life as a childless person is pretty okay. You work, you earn, you buy... for yourself. When you have kids, working becomes more difficult (especially when you HAVE to fit in with daycare hours), you have to pay for daycare, and then you have to pay for lots of stuff, most of which is no longer for you. It's not just babies who people tend to think cost heaps thanks to nappies and formula and stuff... because then that baby grows up, and they start needing lots of stuff. Apart from the basics (clothes, food, shelter), they'll want toys and books, you'll need various bathroom items, cups and plates and cutlery, a million and one containers for their foods, schoolbags, lunchboxes and drink bottles, swimming lessons, any other lessons, their airfares and accommodation to go places, their entry fee goes from "free" to costing something. They'll have birthday parties, and make friends and attend birthday parties. They have craft materials, new shoes, bigger outdoor equiptment... etc etc. They cost a fair bit. lol.
Just randomly going out. You know when you just decide last minute you want to go out for dinner/out with friends/etc? Yeah, that kinda stops. You can still do it, but it's not the same. You have to make sure the restaurant has childrens meals/has a highchair/has room for a pram/has a change room, etc. You have to plan bags full of nappies, bottles, etc, and for older kids, you need to plan something to keep them a bit entertained... because conversation and good food just doesn't do it for them and you know you've got to occupy them or else they'll get shirty and ruin the whole night (for you and for other customers) with their complaining/whinging/screaming/etc.
Childless friends can easily become a thing of the past once you have your own.... because your life just changes so much and theirs doesn't.
If your child goes down for the night and then you decide you'd really like to go down to Baskin Robbins and grab an ice-cream, you just can't. Your kid is in bed, and you're stuck there until they wake up (except in emergencies, of course).
You start feeling guilty. A lot. About everything. Were you too harsh when you told them off? Should you have really given them take-away for the 2nd time this week? Are you setting them up for a lifetime of issues because you don't love YOUR body? If I just did THIS I could be so much of a better mother... etc etc. I can feel so sure of my parenting, and then I hear DD having a cry and I just feel horrible (even though I know I've done hte right thing, her tears make me feel mean).
Your body can age really quickly. You might be fat pre-pregnancy, but it could still be better than the sagging loose skin, stretchmarks, etc that you've now got. Your whole body shape can change too. Sometimes people like these changes... but I bet more of them don't than do.
You have more time for your partner pre-kids because there's nobody else to occupy your time... but partners can so easily be pushed aside for children, and it can cause a lot of strain.
Holidays are fun as a childfree person. Holidays with a child can be really expensive and stressful, and you've got to do kid-friendly stuff, rather than actual "interesting" stuff. (I'd love to go on a tour of the important areas in Tudor history, but I can't imagine dragging my 5-year-old along, kwim?)
The home you live in has to meet extra criteria. Is the area child-friendly? Walking distance to the school? Is it a GOOD school? Any parks nearby? Is the backyard big enough? Big enough kids bedroom or a place for a playroom? Are tiles really a good idea for my baby that is just starting to walk? That sort of thing.
You can't be selfish anymore. Seriously, that sucks. I HAVE to cook dinner. If I don't want to cook dinner, I still need to provide it in some way... I can't just go, "Meh, I don't feel like dinner so I'll jsut go to bed early..." because you've got someone else who relies on you. You might want a promotion, but it could take away a lot of family time, so you've got to weigh it up... and maybe give it up for the sake of spending more time with your child
Life really does change a lot when you go from childless to a parent...
Firstly big for your BFN. I'm so sorry that it didn't work for you and I truly hope this is the last BFN that you will see before your !!
I think a "bucket list" is great. When we were doing IVF one of the things that kept me going was doing things that I knew my friends with children wouldn't be able to do. I figured if the universe didn't want me to have kids yet then the least I could do was make the most of it. So here are some of the things we did. Looking back as much as I hated the long haul TTC and IVF journey we had, some of the extra "couple time" DH and I got was truly wonderful.
Here are some of my suggestions:
* Date nights. Movies, dinners, pubs etc.
* Loooong sleep ins.
* Long sleep ins, late breaky and then back to bed for another sleep!!
* Weekend getaways (romantic B&B style)
* Day spa treatments
* A long indulgent drink of wine (between IVF cycles of course!!)
I hope for your sake that you wont be needing your bucket list for too long. However, good on you for doing your best to turn a negative situation into a positive one.
I wish you nothing but the best!!
Just wanted to add after reading Angeleish's post, one thing we did regularly while TTC was spontaneous weekends away. We even hired a convertible after one of our BFN cycles and drove down the coast for a long weekend. It was a great way to celebrate what was good about our life at that time and take advantage of our lifestyle. It really lifted our spirits and now I look back I am so glad we took the time to do those things.
I forgot to say earlier (Sorry): Good on you, for finding a way to be so positive at such a hard time! Embracing life no matter what it throws at you is difficult at the best of times. I admire your attitude a lot.
And fingers crossed, you'll get your BFP soon!
I am sorry you are going through this.
There is ALOT I miss!!
Being able to shower/go to the loo alone, not having the house trashed if I leave them alone out there. Going to dinner or a movie without having to organise a babysitter. Going to the pool on a hot day (when DH is home we do - but one parent plus 3-4 kids where only 1 can swim is not good). Things staying clean when you clean them.
It's mine and DH's wedding anniversary and I want to take him away for the night, but it's too hard organising a day around his work, school, daycare and a baby sitter.
Being able to take a bath without other little bodies wanting to join me.
Not being able to book accomodation easily because std rooms fit 2adults plus 2 kids.
Earning my own money (without having to fork out a heap of it on childcare)
I miss sleep, reading a book when I want, watching WHOLE movie or T.V show (through the day), going out when I want and to where I want, going out for dinner, eating in peace, going to the toilet in peace, working (yes, I do!) and time alone with my husband.
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