Boys wearing "girls" costumes.

[nothanksbye]

What do you think?
would you mind if your son wanted to dress as a girl?
do you think it means your son is gay?

would you say something to a parent who "let" their boy dress as a girl?
this story will make you think.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

My son is gay,

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
Boo’s best friend is a little girl
Boo has an older sister
Boo spends most of his time with me.
I am a woman.
I am Boo’s mother, not you.
So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)

But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.

And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

I hope I am doing that.

And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[Pregnor]

What a horrible story... I hope i am as brave as that woman in encouraging my son to be who he is, but to be honest i probably would have tried to convince him to go as shaggy or something. But if he really pushed for it, then yeah, i'd be right there behind him

[Pregnor]

Oh and i wouldn't think it meant they were gay, and i wouldn't care if it did

[MsMummy]

Well, of course I wouldn't let my son do halloween, so not applicable.

I actually don't understand people's obsession with boys dressing as girls and their sexual preference. If there even is a correlation, then so be it - if your kid's gay, they're gay. Why screw them up telling them what they can and can't wear?

Yes, people may laugh at them, but that's for them to navigate - not for parents to stifle them.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

to Boo's mum! Some people have this absurd notion of sexuality being this fragile thing, and that you will ruin the child and make them gay if you laugh at your son for trying on mums shoes or dress as a character. IMO it in no way speaks to the childs sexuality, just highlights the people and things that they are surrounded by. I agree with Boo's mum that it is so sad that he already felt aware that he would be laughed at or ridiculed.

If Boo gets to 16 and still wants to wear the Daphne costume, we can review our position on whether or not this is indicative of sexuality, but even then, it's all good.

[MummaBear03]

I don't think it would make any difference. I'm glad I have a girl. She has had in her collection brides dresses, Thomas the Tank engine outfits, a Scooby Doo costume, princesses costumes, a train driver outfit, a chefs outfit, a police costume, all sorts of things and it's ok for her, as a little girl, to dress up as Thomas the Tank Engine, but it's not ok for a little boy to dress up in a "girlie" costume? I think that's so wrong.

[Gandalf]

how cute did he look? someone posted this on facebook a few days and just went *squeee* - i wanted to reach through the screen and pinch his cheeks.

i want a son like him i just felt so bad for him that the parents were such stupid bigots.
but good on his mum. she did the right thing imo. i just hope that it doesn't have long-term repercussions for the poor tyke

[Mummasaurus Rex]

My little brother often dressed up in my clothes from about the age of 4 until 8. He loved it. He used to go and visit the neighbours in his costumes sometimes and call himself Claudia. Our mum never tried to stop him and the worst thing the neighbours called him was a dag and even that was in an affectionate way.
I honestly thought it was perfectly normal for little boys to dress up as girls and vice-versa.
My brother is now a happy, healthy and motivated uni student so prancing around the neighbourhood in my pretty dresses can't have affected him too much.

[the girls mum]

I think its sad....that story made me cry - too boo and his wonderful mother!

It is NO different to Miss Munch dressing up in 'boys' clothes - her thomas tops, dino tops, truck tops - and yes I KNOW they arent 'boys' clothes but they ARE LITERALLY BOYS clothes as I CAN NOT find any of them in the girls section AT ALL!! Which I think is ridiculous!

She also has Thomas big girl pants which fyi are Jocks as once again NO option in the girl section.

I think it sucks that girls have to be a certain thing as boys have to be a certain thing - I love it when munch dresses in pink frilly skirt and thomas tops xx

[Benji]

Why is it with role play, kids can be monsters, ghosts, and other morbid characters (which I don't have a problem with monsters etc) but if they are dressed as a girl it's some kind of huge deal. That's what ROLE PLAY is - playing the role of somebody you are not.

People need to get with the times. You can't "make" someone gay. You're either gay or not. Does that mean bigots like the mothers in the article were forced to be heterosexual?