When do we really want strangers' help with our parenting?

**pegasus** · 12-10-2010 00:02

Just wanted to share an experience I had today with my kids.

Last day of school holidays so the morning was taken up with stuff that needed to be done - getting car towed to get fixed, washing, cleaning, getting uniforms in order etc, etc...Nothing exciting for the kids, so I thought I'd take them out to buy lunch for a treat before going grocery shopping.

Choice was KFC, and while we were standing in line, they started niggling at each other (nothing new - they love to poke the other one and run around after the other). 9 times out of 10, they'll stand in line patiently, but today they were niggling constantly at each other. I told them to stop 3 times, and warned them that this was a treat lunch, so if I had to tell them to stop touching each other and running around me one more time we'd leave.

Sooo....we get to one from the front of the line and they start again, so I say "Right, I told you both if I had to say stop one more time, we'd leave, so we're leaving".

I walk out, they follow me and both of them have started crying "mummy, no!". We've just got out the front door and a woman comes up to me (she wasn't inside), and said to me "You need to respect your children more".

I said "They were mucking around, I'd warned them 3 times and they did it again, so I followed through on my consequence".

Her - "They're only kids".

I then did say "but this is a treat and I'd warned them", but then thought I should just walk away, so I could talk to my two.

I did ask them if they knew why I'd walked out and DS said "because we didn't stop when you asked" so after talking to them, giving them hugs and saying that's right mummy loves you, but you need to listen etc...

I then got them in the car, buckled them up and took them through the drive through so they got their treat lunch (and I got mine too), but it got me wondering - how does my parenting look to others.

I had two crying children, but I was determined to follow through on my consequence I'd warned. It's the same when I'm in the shops and they want a toy or lollie, I say no and I've always thought, I'll put up with a public tantrum so they know tantrums won't get what they want.

I figure a bit of public embarrassment is worth it for the good of my kids in the long run.

Sorry - just realised how long this is - but was just wondering what you all think?

**Basil** · 12-10-2010 00:07

Busy body should have pulled hear head in! Awesome parenting

**JabberJaw** · 12-10-2010 00:09

Meh, i would have done what you did, and have many times.

I have a friend, and she would have said to me the same as the stranger said to you

she has only one child though so does not grasp the concept of parenting more than one child, which IMO, is a whole different kettle of fish.

**prideNJoy** · 12-10-2010 00:12

Honestly, I would have done exactly the same thing. If I give the kids a certain amount of warning and tell them there will be a consequence, then I follow through.
I don't want my children to think that my word doesn't count for anything.

I would have told the woman who approached you to mind her own business though! How rude.

**c38** · 12-10-2010 00:16

I think you handled the situation beautifully and were more then polite to the lady who challenged you. It actually irritates me no end to hear parents giving what are obviously empty "threats" and not following through. I think its disrespectful in the long run to not follow through as it's teaching them that you can behave however you want and you will still get everything that you want. And life is not like that.

**Pinkzy** · 12-10-2010 00:21

I would of smiled and said "Thanks for your concern, but I'm their mother and this is none of your business. Enjoy your lunch" then walked away.

I can't stand busy bodies, I have absolutely no patience for them.

**pegasus** · 12-10-2010 00:34

Thanks ladies - I'm smiling as I'm reading your responses, as I thought I perhaps should have walked away earlier than I did, but it's always tricky when you have your kids there that you don't want to lead by rudeness.

She did want to put in a parting remark that child services don't see it as the parent does....makes you wonder what she may have gone through (she was older than me and didn't have any kids in tow), but did say something along the lines of she understands that you can lose it at your kids sometimes, then added this gem....

"My son knocked over a display in Woolies one day and I told him off (somewhere in there she said she used the 'F' word)"

My actual parting remark to her was that "I never use the 'F' word in front of my children and they wouldn't even know it"

Just wanted to add this as if I'd put it in the first bit it might have changed how you viewed her telling me I wasn't respecting my children enough.

Everyone has a back story.....I get more worried about what goes on behind closed doors than what I ever witness in public

, so I can't remember the last time I spoke to a stranger about their parenting.

**2 Cherubs** · 12-10-2010 00:48

Good on you for following through, I think I need to take a page out of your book as I don't always follow through with my threats and I think its important for children to have limits. As for the nosey woman, I wouldnt have wasted my breath on her pffft!