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  1. #811
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    Quote Originally Posted by MGC Bertie View Post
    Jenni...yes sorry your first one didn't last. I go for another BT tomorrow and then my first scan next Tues. Feel a bit queasy but otherwise that's it, so really hard to know if it's still progressing or not.

    As to IUI, yes, on the anon donor sperm list (about 30 donors) only about 10 of them were marked for IUI. When I asked about why this was so (thinking that it was because of the donor's preference to only give for ISCI, e.g. only wanting it to go to those most desperate), but I was told that wasn't the case, but rather it's because not all donor sperm can swim fantastically after being thawed, and only those with IUI have been graded such. On a side note, it did make me wonder whether the IUI ones should have been used all along, since they're obviously the best swimmers.

    Malak....yes, all the counsellors (and I've been to three) and modern research say it's best to tell the child about being from DE and/or DS as he/she is growing up so it's never a shock. However, none of them would recommend a path to take about telling others, saying that this is a personal choice. But some of the things they did say is:
    - to tell close family and friends, in case the child asks questions to them as they grow up
    - to tell medical people, especially when looking at hereditary / genetic issues which won't come from the mother or father
    - you should tell their pre-school/kindergarten teachers as they always study "family" topics, and will need to be aware - this then led me to thinking, then all the kids in the class will know and all their parents too - basically the whole world
    So, I'm really in a quandry, and I know this will be different for each person. Personally I feel that I will just be open and tell everyone from the start, as I kind of don't like the idea of hiding it, and then later someone finds out. But for us, it's donor sperm, so I kind of feel that DH should make this decision, but as yet, I can't tie him down on how he feels and wants to tackle it.

    I feel then same Bertie. I think it's up to DH. 2 friends know and that's it. Sometimes I want to tell people because they say things like 'maybe you won't need ivf again it will happen naturally' when I know it never will. But I wonder would my baby want people to know when he grows up? So maybe is a decision I should leave to him when he is older and he can tell people if he wants

  2. #812
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    Default Azoospermia

    ***NEED TO VENT***
    Having a moment when I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHY!!! 😥WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY 😥 what did we do to deserve this punishment ??? WHY is it sooooooo unfair 😔 so many people posting about having babies, being pregnant, 1st birthday etc!!! - feeling heartbroken 💔

  3. #813
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    @DererminedOne I feel your pain! Your post comes on top of my post last night.

    Sorry if this bit offends anyone .... at times I think if there was a god why would he do something like this to us?

    You see people getting pregnant with their 2nd, 3rd etc and then them saying "We didn't expect to get pregnant so soon" ... I really hate when they say that! It feels even worse when someone gets pregnant by a one night stand or by accident.

    All I ever wanted was a child that was mine and DH genetically ... was that too much to ask? Obviously yes

    Vent away ... we all know what it is like

  4. #814
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    I should add ... lately when I see little babies in the shopping centre I want to take one home with me. I think DH thinks I am officially crazy!

  5. #815
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    Default Azoospermia

    I feel so sad that the men have to go through this....it must be such an emotional roller coast!!! I mean I know how much it is for us 😥 it's just such a sad sad story.....
    @Malak your not the only crazy one if I'm not thinking those thought then I want them the furtherest from me...sometimes I really struggle to be happy for others that have become pregnant it's like a tabu subject!!!
    Last edited by DeterminedOne; 08-01-2015 at 19:28.

  6. #816
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    Malak... I don't know how many times I've thought about stealing a baby from the shopping centre, not that I would really do it, but I thought it many times, and even discussed it with DH a number of times when I was hysterically howling, who thought I was absolutely mad. Itsort of gets easier, or rather, maybe I started running out of steam to cry and howl, so the last year hasn't been anything like the first two years.

    DeterminedOne.... I so know how you feel. The only thing that really made a turning point for me, was when someone on one of these threads said to me once, that perhaps those pregnant ladies in the shopping centre or other places, may actually be IVF ladies themselves. Once I started thinking that way, I found trips to shopping centres much easier on me. I can't say I have a fool-proof plan for pregnant women at work or friends, unfortunately I just stay away from them, so it's meant that friends I used to see a couple of times a year, I only see once a year now, if not less. At work, as soon as babies is mentioned in the staffroom, I get up and make an excuse to go to the toilet or needing to do some photocopying. Very anti-social, I know, but it's the only way I've got through it.

    On a new topic of conversation, my workplace is made up of about half strict Catholics. I've read that Catholics are totally against IVF, but am wondering if anyone has any real experiences of telling Catholic friends / colleagues about being pregnant from IVF, let alone donor sperm?

  7. #817
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    Bertie: unfortunately, your shopping mall logic doesn't work well for me. No offense to other IVFers. I just don't think it is the same thing for what we are going through. I do sympathize those who tried many cycles and years without a bub since I've met one in person. However, in the last two years I have been on BH, I feel like 99% of the local IVFers have all graduated. Doing IVF is like such a joy for some of them. Enough time has passed for them to have second pregnancy. First and secon go work straight away. I posted there a couple of times and don't feel connected to anyone. No one seems to relate and understand. Even a word donor sounds a bit taboo......

    Strange enough. Despite me still feeling unease about the donor choice, I haven't had any big cry for a while since we picked the donor. Even on the anniversary of the miscarriage. I don't think I'm excited about starting IVF because this roller coaster ride isn't fun. Perhaps I feel a bit more hopeful of moving forward?!

    I don't know many strict catholic out there but I do know few religious friends. My cousin being one of them. She has no reason to delay the parenthood. She is married as long as me and DH so I suspect that they have a problem. I asked her once if she would consider IVF and she said yes. She is now pregnant and I didn't want to ask. So I don't know where they draw a line because I find it rude to ask.
    Last edited by bbhope; 08-01-2015 at 21:52.

  8. #818
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    @bbhope I am so happy to hear that your DH has come around to donor sperm AND you have progressed to selecting one!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is he news. I'm so sorry I missed that whilst I was living in the loss of the pregnancy last month. You will be able to focus on other things now, which is so good for your moving forward. We might have success together this month - wouldn't that be nice! When is CD1 for you? What stims are you on? Good luck hon I really hope it all goes beautifully for you.

    @mgcbertie I wouldn't worry about the lack of symptoms - just don't think about it and enjoy the ride! I'm sure it will be great with those hcg levels you're in a fantastic position.

    @DeterminedOne I had the same spin out just two nights ago, and we are about to start again. It catches you when you least expect it. The way I have started to convince myself that everything will be ok, is when all my girlfriends have finished having their babies and pining for more, they will be revelling in supporting me! My best friend can't wait to throw me a massive baby shower as she has had two bubs since all this has been going on and can't afford anymore, so will be treasuring mine when I get there. So you just have to remember this will all be behind us one day - whatever our path ends up being. I find this thread the best and most comforting to me, as @bbhope said the girls on the IVF threads who haven't had to even think about donors, just don't understand. We have a whole other level to contend with.

    @Malak I was reading back over your posts regarding mTESE and IVF. If you go through IVF cycle and don't have donor sperm as back-up, then you can freeze whatever eggs you get, otherwise it will be an IVF cycle wasted. I would be recommending that you at least do that. I got 23 eggs and 19 that matured in my first cycle in November and I think the loss of pregnancy would have been a lot worse had I not had so many eggs and subsequently embryos due to the donor sperm back-up. But for you at least freeze your eggs and you have preserved your fertility and even if you don't use the eggs down the track you have them there just in case. I read about women just doing an IVF cycle to freeze eggs to preserve fertility and this would be the case for you. You never know you might be so grateful for having done that down the track. I wish that I had been able to retain some of eggs, but they wanted to fertilise all 19 with the donor sperm in order to create as many embryos as possible. Hopefully one of the eight remaining will be our future bub.

    Speaking of which, when I saw Dr R after the loss of pregnancy, as I said he said it was not a miscarriage but a chemical pregnancy even though I had a BFP. Confusing. Anyway he called it a near miss and have said it was the embryo. Which made me wonder - if this embryo wasn't able to survive... will any of the remaining eight?? I asked him this and he said 40% success rate or 4 out of 10. So if I started with 9, chances are only 3 will be good and six bad. Hopefully I've eliminated one bad one, but boy if I have to go through all eight I think I'll a) be broke b) broken-hearted. Testing is possible, but only so far as thawing and re-freezing and thawing again and those that survive the manipulation are said to be the strongest.

    So our only option right now is to stay hopeful and hope they picked a good one this cycle.

    xx

  9. #819
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    Jenni - A friend of mine's FS has a theory that most women only get one viable egg per stim cycle, which would have been the egg that they would have released if it was a natural cycle, if that makes sense. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, as some very lucky people get more than one take-home baby from the same stim cycle. But I think there's something to be said for it. So I reckon it's extremely likely there's at least one normal emby in your lot, I just hope you have it transferred sooner rather than later.

    And yes, very early miscarriages are always just called "chemical pregnancies", as nothing much happens after implantation and the production of hcg. But if you prefer to regard it as a m/c that's understandable.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Sariele For This Useful Post:

    JenniwithanI  (09-01-2015)

  11. #820
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    Hi All,
    Can I join in too? This is my first post.
    Ttc 3 years, 2 failed fresh Ivf cycles.
    One more attempt at Ivf/icsi with a biopsy and then have been advised to move on to DS.
    I can't remember who I used to be before Ttc. It is an obsession that I cannot wait to move on from. But I cannot move on until we have exhausted all avenues. DH count is not zero but almost. No one understands how hard this journey is, how it takes over your life and the fear that nothing will ever work.
    How do you keep hope alive??


 

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