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  1. #591
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    @Shelson I know how you feel about the sperm donor and how hard it is for DH. I always wonder what if DH can't connect. Also another thing I wonder why people tell the kids, are they obliged to? Also another thing I wonder is if the kids know imagine how DH would feel if the child says "you're not my real dad anyway". We all know how kids say things they don't mean like "I hate you mum" but imagine if a child says something without thinking that hurts DH.
    @bbhope - I can't remember all the tests but there were alot of them and took a lot of blood from DH. I know they are definitely doing the hormone because the FS talked about it.

    How do you know if it is the right kind of urologist? The FS said he deals with male issues where the FS deals with the female side. They aren't even looking at me yet until after we see the urologist as they don't want to waste our money if it turns out nothing they can do to get sperm.

    I did ask if anyone does M-TESE in Brisbane and she said that there are a few if we have to go down that road. She said that TESA is better (I think less invasive).

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  2. #592
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    You don't have to tell the kids if you don't want to. It's your call

  3. #593
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    Quote Originally Posted by safam View Post
    You don't have to tell the kids if you don't want to. It's your call
    That is good to know. All stories I have read so far they talk about telling the kids.

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  4. #594
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shelson View Post
    bbhope;

    Dr G. says we have a 50/50 chance of finding sperm through mTESE with AZFC. If they find sperm then we will need to go through the normal IVF process, which is then another hurdle.

    Thanks for the info on the legalities. We have not gone to the counseling as yet - I think he was worried that the baby may be taken away from him in some way. I think DH wants to totally rule out his own biological before even considers donor but as I am now 30 and I am thinking ahead as I am very aware of my age.

    So sorry to hear you had to go it alone - us ladies are a strong breed when we need to be. At least you had the support of the IVF community. And remember that your story shows such determination, "It will be alright in the end....and if it is not alright, then it is not yet the end"
    Yes, they would want to do the IVF concurrent with the mTESE. That's because if they find any, it would be a small number which they will lose in the freeze. It is certainly another hurdle. ie. in our case, we won't be able to repeat mTESE, so after both failed cycles, we have to move onto donor. Because it was the first time that I was doing IVF, FS didn't know my body very well. I turned out to be a low responder with low number of eggs (5 eggs). I don't know if it makes any different if I produced more eggs so they could try harder to find more sperms. DH sperms are most likely low quality.

    30? You would be the youngest of most of us here. Lol. But i know what you meant. FS doesn't even know why I am a slow responder for my age despite OK AMH.

  5. #595
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malak View Post
    That is good to know. All stories I have read so far they talk about telling the kids.
    Yes, it is your call. However, the counsellor strongly encourages us to tell the kid at young age for good reasons. If you haven't watched datelines interview of donors, donor kids and parents, go and watch it. You can find the link on IVFA donor site. You will understand why they encourage us to do that. The ones that seem to be able to accept are those who were told at young age. Also those who have chance to contact biological father at the age of 16 or 18. Thus, they encourage open identity. Of course, this is personal choice. I must say that the interview is very thought-provoking.

    The counsellor went through a lot of psychology issues. It is advised that you should be the one telling your child not the parents or anyone else. Again, it is personal choice to tell the child or not.

  6. #596
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malak View Post
    @Shelson I know how you feel about the sperm donor and how hard it is for DH. I always wonder what if DH can't connect. Also another thing I wonder why people tell the kids, are they obliged to? Also another thing I wonder is if the kids know imagine how DH would feel if the child says "you're not my real dad anyway". We all know how kids say things they don't mean like "I hate you mum" but imagine if a child says something without thinking that hurts DH.
    @bbhope - I can't remember all the tests but there were alot of them and took a lot of blood from DH. I know they are definitely doing the hormone because the FS talked about it.

    How do you know if it is the right kind of urologist? The FS said he deals with male issues where the FS deals with the female side. They aren't even looking at me yet until after we see the urologist as they don't want to waste our money if it turns out nothing they can do to get sperm.

    I did ask if anyone does M-TESE in Brisbane and she said that there are a few if we have to go down that road. She said that TESA is better (I think less invasive).

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    A lot of your concerns regarding the donor will be addressed at the donor counselling. In regard to "you are not my dad anyway". Kids get upset and will say those similar angry words no matter whether DH is the bio dad or not anyway. To add a sense of humor, one good response i get to counter this is "go and tell (clinic name) donor number X to give you pocket money then".

    An urologist that specialized in fertility. Andrologist will be able to evaluate as well. From the sound of it, your FS seems to know what she is talking about.

    It really depends on the diagnosis and medical history. The andrologist (first FS) that we saw here in Perth discouraged us to do TESA (multiple needle aspiration) because of my DH condition. And this FS only does TESE so we went to Dr G. Dr. G did take one needle sample (TESA), and nothing was found so he did the mTESE. You can do a sample needle biopy first with TESA before deciding what's next. Well, you don't know what you are dealing with at the moment so just one step at a time. Who knows, maybe it is OA and problem will be solved easily.

  7. #597
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    Default ps

    To add, @Malak, if you don't do donor, it won't matter. But if you do down the track, AMH is quite important as you mentioned that you are 37. It is good to know where you stand in term of ovarian reserve.

  8. #598
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    Thanks for that info @bbhope. I hope so much that it is OA.

    The FS will start doing on tests to check me for IVF is we get that far. I think she doesn't want to waste our money if not necessary (did I already mention this? I can't remember).

    The FS was really good at explaining everything to DH and he was happy with her. Though DH did laugh when she told him he looked like a male. It was good how she added the right humor in.

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    All the best on monday BT, @mgcBertie.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to bbhope For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (13-09-2014)

  11. #600
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    @Malak - so sorry for the delay in responding. I have just arrived back home in Melbourne after a month away. We needed this break to prepare us for the first round of IVF and mTESE procedure booked in for November.

    No issues at all about asking me your questions. You question "Did you find out what caused it in your DH?" Unfortunately not. My DH has what @bbhope has said before: Maturation Arrest. We probed on a number of occasions what was the cause, but the only thing they said was that is was just one of those rare things. Why couldn't it be a sixth toe, instead of infertility? My DH has Primary Maturation arrest - the very worst condition apparently and just something that he was born with. We have gone through all the possible reasons, but the reality is, this is just him. His tests results all came back normal - normal levels of everything which made it even harder to understand.

    The sperm even if they find it, will unlikely develop as it would have needed to go through all stages of sperm production. However he wants closure on the biology chance, and hence why we are going ahead with mTESE in conjunction with our first IVF cycle in the hope we have that miracle on the day. As I said earlier we have a donor now lined up as a back up. We have been through all the counselling and its been fantastic, but we have made a big decision to use a donor family member - no different to a sister donating to a sister or a mum to a daughter. My DH is so much happier about it, and whilst its a massive decision for me, I saw the difference in my DH when he knew that there would be a genetic tie of some sort. So we're going with this Plan A and Plan B for now and hopefully have success. If it doesn't work will look to Unknown Donor, but you just need to work through the stages until you are happy with the decisions made. It's a very personal decision. We have all been through the counselling and have the full support from the FS, the US Male Fertility Specialist, counsellors, all our parents. We will not be telling our friends about who the donor is or that we used one, until we have first told the child. I have told just a couple of close friends, but not about the donor.

    Your comment that his brother is fine but he is not - it's cruel but it just happens. My DH is an only child, but his Dad is perfect - obviously. Had him! Just the way it goes.

    @bbhope - I'm not sure I follow your comment about "hope you don't mind the personal questions". Not at all! Fire away - PM me anything. I'm back now.

    @bbhope and @MGC Bertie and for those that have been going through multiple cycles, is there anything I should be doing to prepare for my first IVF cycle? I have read about the vitamins great suggestions I'll get onto those - I basically stopped taking anything when we found out about all of this, but I want to be doing everything right in preparation for IVF beginning start of November.

    I meet again with the FS to discuss the course of meds, and then the nurse in early October, but until then?


 

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