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  1. #581
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    To add, my DH also shows no interest in searching the internet. I am the one doing all the reading and telling him update every now and then. This somehow surprised me as he shows so much interest in his hobby that he read stuff from internet every night. It seems like a norm that women are driving the fertility journey and guys just come along the ride.

    In a way, by reading all posts etc I have prepared myself mentally from the start that donor might be what we might end up. Everything comes out as a shock. DH is one step at a time person.

  2. #582
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    Thanks guys .

    Funny enough I only just benefits mentioned tonight how the girls do all the research on what vitamins etc and the v men just sit back. I just give him the vitamins and he takes them.

    I think guys are a what will happen kind of people where girls do what they need too.

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    Has anyone tried royal jelly honey or blackseed oil? I heard that both of them that are good for sperm and fertility.

  4. #584
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malak View Post
    Has anyone tried royal jelly honey or blackseed oil? I heard that both of them that are good for sperm and fertility.
    DH only took menevit. I don't know much about vit for men. MGCBertie is probably expert. High does CoQ10 and royal jelly are good for female, which I am taking. I wish I had started taking them for my first cycle. But with royal jelly, I certainly notice something different.......

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    We have just been to the FS and blood tests have just been requested for DH and we have a referral to a urologist. The FS said she doesn't exam mens parts which is nice of her.

    The blood tests will come back in about 3 weeks so I need to try and make an appointment around that time and hope that he isn't that booked up.

    It was interesting when we went for the blood tests the counter lady asked if we really wanted the CF test done because it is expensive and not covered by Medicare.

    We do not know what type it is yet but hopefully after the urologist appointment we will be one step closer.

    I did ask the FS if he needed any more supplements and she said no. She said no point yet until we know what it is because if he doesn't produce sperm then it won't help.

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    Default Positive vibes

    Hi Malak and everyone,

    Sorry to hear that you have had to join us on this journey. My DH has AZFC micro deletion (one of the better AZF's to have apparently). We found out about a year ago and he is only just now starting to come to terms with it - they clearly process it a lot differently to us. We have decided to start surgery from next year and try and put it to the side until then.

    A big thanks to those who have taken the time so share their good news and successes lately, im sure it is easy to forget to share the good stuff....we all need a little hope sometimes and the happy endings really do have an influence (no matter how they have happened).

    Although we have a chance at finding some live sperm I am trying to be a little realistic about the options. He is not keen on donor sperm but has said that he will probably agree if I insist. To me it is the easiest way to have a family - although it would not be his biologically I know the minute he has that baby in his arms it wont matter. He did say that he felt that "it would not be his child". Has anyone had issues once the baby is born? Legal, with the sperm donor, father not wanting the baby or otherwise. My other concern is him not wanting to be involved in the pregnancy and me feeling totally alone. Just trying to look at all sides and any thoughts would be great.

    Thanks all

  7. #587
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    @Malak: I hope your FS referred you to the right urologist. We got ran around at the very beginning, wasted $ and time for useless referrals. Our referred non-fertility specialized urologist didn't want to see DH after a month of waiting for the appointment.

    There is a list somewhere here on the thread (provided by MGC Bertie when I first started out this journey). This is for the male side. I'll write whatever I can remember here for now. CF, Y chromosome microdeletion, karotyping, LH, FSH, testosterone and inhibin B serum. Yes, you need CF for sure. Men with CF usually have OA -- missing van deferen.

    Your FS has a good point about the supplements. Supplements help if it is at the borderline parameters. If one doesn't produce or in my DH case (maturation arrest), supplements won't help. BUT whatever you feel like doing if it eases your mind knowing you have tried everything.
    @Shelson: I hope your appointment with Dr.G went well. If you dont mind sharing, what's the % chance he gave you. From what i read in the literature, AZFc case is the most promising one to find sperms, so I am interested to know if it has higher chance than the maturation arrest case from Dr. G experience.

    Have you and DH been to the donor counseling? They advised us only proceed when we both 100% certain sure about it all. What you are describing is what i am going through and feeling at the moment. I am not at all convinced DH is on board 100%. He just wants to go along with it. After going through the FET process all by myself, I don't want to go through the entire 9 months without his involvement. It is not much difference than raising a baby as a single mother. So what's the point of having someone around giving opinion while not getting the necessary support? If you know what i mean. I think the only way for the child not attaches to him is if he takes off after he/she is born. My DH has this concern but i truly believe that it won't be the case if he treats the baby as his own.

    Oh...Are u asking about the legal responsibility? We are told loud and clear that DH will not get away with the legal responsibility even if we separate/divorce. That says I won't want that to happen so I'll make sure DH is on board fully. If something happens to me, the grandparents have no right to take the child away from him. The kid cannot claim the inheritance of the biological father if he turns out to be a rich man.

    While my DH seems very unsupportive for my last round FET, he did still do nice things to/for me after the transfer. Men deal with things differently. Because he was hurt so badly after the miscarriage (our only promising chance to have his bio kid), his withdrawal of not getting involved is a way to protect himself from getting hurt again. It was hard for me but I totally understand. Thankfully with a lot of IVF ladies I met along the way who supported me.

    Sorry ladies, I might come across as not so positive. That's probably because we have gone through this process so long that the hope of having a biological child is gone and now in the process of waiting DH to move onto the next phase despite him has come to term for his infertility. BUT my attitude to the mTESE is that there is no single surgery is the same despite the same condition with others, you might be the lucky one. Good luck!
    Last edited by bbhope; 11-09-2014 at 16:28.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to bbhope For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (11-09-2014)

  9. #588
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shelson View Post
    Hi Malak and everyone,

    Sorry to hear that you have had to join us on this journey. My DH has AZFC micro deletion (one of the better AZF's to have apparently). We found out about a year ago and he is only just now starting to come to terms with it - they clearly process it a lot differently to us. We have decided to start surgery from next year and try and put it to the side until then.

    A big thanks to those who have taken the time so share their good news and successes lately, im sure it is easy to forget to share the good stuff....we all need a little hope sometimes and the happy endings really do have an influence (no matter how they have happened).

    Although we have a chance at finding some live sperm I am trying to be a little realistic about the options. He is not keen on donor sperm but has said that he will probably agree if I insist. To me it is the easiest way to have a family - although it would not be his biologically I know the minute he has that baby in his arms it wont matter. He did say that he felt that "it would not be his child". Has anyone had issues once the baby is born? Legal, with the sperm donor, father not wanting the baby or otherwise. My other concern is him not wanting to be involved in the pregnancy and me feeling totally alone. Just trying to look at all sides and any thoughts would be great.

    Thanks all
    We chose not to share our conception story, because we want to control how and when our children find out. They all know we used ivf but not donor sperm.
    My DH is a daddy in every sense of the word. He is often told how much our son looks like him. He is a million times more hands on than all my friends partners, and I often say that our children are still the product of mixing his soul with mine. Not dna! he identifies with the children in a zillion different ways. One twin won't eat a cookie if it's broken, just like DH as a boy. The other sleeps with his arms above his head, just like DH. I could go on and on. DH had all the same concerns about donors, but they are all completely, 100% gone now.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to safam For This Useful Post:

    bbhope  (11-09-2014),ertgirl  (21-09-2014),MGC Bertie  (11-09-2014)

  11. #589
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    bbhope;

    Dr G. says we have a 50/50 chance of finding sperm through mTESE with AZFC. If they find sperm then we will need to go through the normal IVF process, which is then another hurdle.

    Thanks for the info on the legalities. We have not gone to the counseling as yet - I think he was worried that the baby may be taken away from him in some way. I think DH wants to totally rule out his own biological before even considers donor but as I am now 30 and I am thinking ahead as I am very aware of my age.

    So sorry to hear you had to go it alone - us ladies are a strong breed when we need to be. At least you had the support of the IVF community. And remember that your story shows such determination, "It will be alright in the end....and if it is not alright, then it is not yet the end"

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Shelson For This Useful Post:

    bbhope  (11-09-2014)

  13. #590
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    Thanks Safam - that put a smile on my face from ear to ear. Im a big believer that dna does not make a father, the man does. Nice to hear a happy ending


 

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