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  1. #311
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    Welcome to a very unfortunate club Meltdown. I can't write much as I'm typing one handed feeding the bub. Hopefully my story will be on the bubhub website soon and it might help you through the tough times.

  2. #312
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    BBhope,

    Agree infertility is horrible, thankful for people to connect with but wont wish it even to my worst enemy.

    Sounds like you didn’t have the best experience with Dr J and are now getting an opinion from Dr G which is probably for the best. I heard he is one of the best. When is your appointment with Dr G? Is it a phone interview or are you flying to Syd?

    To be honest, I wasn’t well prepared for our appointment with Dr J and did not ask more questions than I should have. We asked if we could possibly find sperm and she said no. This was after seeing the biopsy report that there were mostly Sertoli cells and few spermatogenic cells. Actually, I did not mention earlier the first SA was not 0 but few 100,000. However Dr J said that sometimes its an error, which was confirmed in our 2nd and 3rd SA test which was 0. My husband actually liked her because she was straight to the point and honest. What he didn’t want was for her to give us false hope.
    He could not bear to go through another surgery and be chopped up again. His point is that he doesn’t want to go through the pain and money (We have already spent about USD10k on the varicocele surgery all out of pocket as we were overseas). Cost will probably be lower here as we have Medicare and private insurance but its not the money but more the disappointment. To him, donor is not such a bad option, he will still be the dad and it will save us a lot of procedures if we can do it with IUI. Very big of him to say that. On the genetic test, DH is not willing to do it unless it is something that will be passed on to the baby if we do TESE/mTESE but since we are on the donor route that is not relevant.

    We used to live in Asia and just moved to Perth. We chose Perth because even though some things are more expensive buying a house is still more affordable than Sydney. I think it’s a personal choice. Although if we knew that the waiting list was 2 years, we would have chose the eastern states!

  3. #313
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    Meltdown.... you will get lots of support and great advice here on this thread - if nothing else, you've come to the right place. Really sorry you're in the same situation. When I first came here I got such a lot of good advice to point me in the right direction, that I'm rather pleased that I've managed to helps others like bbhope, who is now in turn helping you. Much of what she says, is exactly the same thing I would say.

    For me, any waiting time has been agonizing, particularly due to my age (39 when we started TTC) so time was always an issue. If you're much younger, and others who are in their 20s, have been happy to wait for longer periods to see specialists, plan surgeries, save money or go on donor sperm wait lists. That will be a big factor for you.

    Dr Golovsky is THE specialist to see for the ultimate mTESE. There is another doctor, Dr Lok, also in Sydney who also is highly regarded and does this procedure too. I felt the same way as Bbhope - we had to have this final procedure done, so that we could move on with no regrets. DH would still love to have his own sperm work, but he's so good about using anonymous donor sperm (he didn't feel close enough to any of his cousins to ask). I probably cried, no, howled every night for about 3 months about using the donor sperm, and not having DH's biological baby. I'm still sad about it at times now, but I don't howl all night long like I did in those early days. So, as even though you might not be able to see it now, time really does help, not a week or a month, but eventually you'll get there.

    For some women, the donor sperm worked first time, and they're happily pregnant or holding their little ones in their arms now. I can't wait to get to that position! But unfortunately for us, we've used the donor sperm twice now and it hasn't been the magical formula. We're trying again with it in October, and then will reassess, as for us, it's likely to be an aged egg issue as well.

  4. #314
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    littlesunflowers is offline It's not about the seeds - it's how you grow the flowers
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    Hi Meltdown, sorry you had to join us at all, but glad to see you here! It sounds like you are already a fair way through the journey. Your DH sounds a bit like mine - after a TESA mine said ok, I don't work, let's use a donor. We did go another step with an mTESE and IVF 6 months later, but by then we had picked a donor as well and we checked into hospital together on that day very excited that we were closer than ever to starting our own family. It took time to come to peace with each decision, though, and the best lesson I learnt is to take it one step at a time.

  5. #315
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meltdown View Post

    Sounds like you didn’t have the best experience with Dr J and are now getting an opinion from Dr G which is probably for the best. I heard he is one of the best. When is your appointment with Dr G? Is it a phone interview or are you flying to Syd?
    I guess men like it straight to the point answer, although DH also felt the same about being pushed after our first appointment. In my DH case, there is a chance for low count. Thus, for not ordering a 2nd SA and immediately made such conclusion was a shock to us. Sadly, she was right. The 2nd SA which i insisted her to order came back 0. I am one of those who want people to give some sort of sympathy toward our situation. You know how hard it is. While frank is good, my take is that no single azoo case is the same. Statistically, azoo is still a not well known area of male infertility. Thus, you never know the odd. There is a rather surprising, rare scientific outcome of successful sperm retrieval from a man who did his undescended testes surgery at adulthood (16 yrs old, i think).

    Your DH case might be similar to littlesunflower's DH -- sertoli cell only. I wish we could have given you some advices earlier. The Cornell urology dept has a great website describing the azoo. If I remember correctly, varicocele surgery doesn't necessary help. It actually against. I can see why your DH doesn't want to be cut up again. My DH also felt the same because he was cut up twice to fix both undescended testes! I somehow convinced him that the mTESE is our only chance to find out if we could have our biological baby. Trust me, I am still grieving. I know all about the disappointment and thus have been thinking about the donor route on and off. I have more pressure because DH doesn't let me talk to my family about it and they keep asking us when we want to have the baby or assuming that i am pregnant. He also doesn't want to talk about the donor at this stage. Yes, no matter what he will be the dad of the child if we go onto the donor route but he refuses to redefine the word "father", if you know what i mean. This is a tough one.

    As for the appointment, we are doing the phone consult in two weeks time. We fly to sydney a lot for work this year (in different time). I am actually in the east coast at the moment. Unfortunately, it doesn't necessary work out with Dr. G schedule. I figure if Dr. G can be a bit flexible in the near future, I can somehow schedule to visit the work site in sydney for a month and do the entire cycle here. DH just needs to fly in for the surgery. But we will see....I am in my 30s so it would be wise to proceed now than later.

    Ah..we have a lot in common. I lived in the states for ~10 yrs.

    [QUOTE}
    We used to live in Asia and just moved to Perth. We chose Perth because even though some things are more expensive buying a house is still more affordable than Sydney. I think it’s a personal choice. Although if we knew that the waiting list was 2 years, we would have chose the eastern states![/QUOTE]

    We are currently on the housing market because we can finally apply for the PR. But i must say that it is pretty much the same as in Sydney. Worse due to uncertainty in the mining sector with overpriced houses. It has been ranked the highest in the nation this year. You moved back just in time before the craziness on the housing market. Before other people bashing me since it is a bubhub forum, I'll leave it as this. We can talk offline on lifestyle thing.

  6. #316
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    DJ Nette, sorry I missed your message earlier. Congratulations on your newborn and Ill look on the bubhub website on your story.

    MGC Bertie, thank you for your advice and support. DH is away for work but he mentioned he is willing to see Dr G if that’s what I really want. Bless him. I howled last night when DH was not around, normally I try and stifle my cry and I cant even speak to my niece on Skype without crying. Emotions are still raw. Its terrible to say but I don’t know if I can ever be happy again. I think I might be able to reach cautious happy one day. Until then, Im not allowed to start the donor process until that happens. Ill be thinking of you in Oct. You are a strong strong woman to go through 4 IVFs.

    Littlesunflowers, Congratulations on your pregnancy. Thank you for your advice on finding peace. I hope to get there one day.

    Ill be joining the donor sperm thread later and consult you lovely ladies on your experience on that front.

    Bbhope, Must be hard when your husband does not let you talk to your family. On the other hand, my whole family knows about it (news spreads fast in the family) so no one asks. It’s the elephant in the room. Please let us know how your appointment with Dr G goes in 2 weeks, I might want to make an appointment as well if DH agrees to go with it.

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    MGC Bertie  (02-09-2013)

  8. #317
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    Sorry MGC Bertie, I meant 5 IVFs, not 4. I can read numbers...not

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    MGC Bertie  (02-09-2013)

  10. #318
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    Hi, gals,

    I think I need to seek counselling but I am quite hesitate. My previous experience with counselling on a different issue hasn't been great. It was useless to me. The best one i had was in a different country. I suspect that we need a special type of counsellor to help us deal with the infertility.

    Sorry...i don't know where to turn to at the moment so if you gals don't mind telling me how you gals deal with these if you had encountered similar issues.

    I was always willing to talk about baby and stuff minus the TTC plan on tea/coffee day out. I keep the TTC plan to ourselves and only few friends know about it. Strangely, I only feel comfortable talking to these few friends who aren't in my big social circle. Even though my big social circle friends, such as Uni, high school and colleagues, are closer friends than these few friends. I guess I am afraid to be the gossip in my larger social circle. However, several incidents had made me rather uncomfortable and made me feel depressed afterward.

    Incident related to a friend who know us TTC...When I wanted to visit her during my business trip early this year, she assumed I were pregnant and asked me if I want her baby clothes. I politely said that I am not. Then, just this past weekend, she called me online. I told her that I am on business trip. She made some comments about if me and DH always go on business trip blah blah blah, sounded like telling us that we didn't know what we are doing that's why I haven't fallen pregnant. I knew what she was going with this so I found an excuse to hang up. Gosh. Regret telling her about it. Now, i have to hide from her forever.

    Incident related to my female colleague (a bit of a close friend) recently, who doesn't know about us TTC....we went out dinner couple times. The last two times had been very awkward. The first time, out of the blue, she asked me if we are TTC. I said no. I am not good at lying so I wasn't sure if she could tell. I didn't recall what conversation brought up this again the second time but it was related to fertility and IVF. I think i might have made a comment like "you never know". Then, i was bombarded with series of questions related to us TTC. Ah..........i almost wanted to scream in the end! I feel my privacy is being intruded. DH also knows this female colleague as a friend so I feel even awkward to talk about this! Sure, I lied...again, I am not a good at lying!

    I think sooner or later, I'll start avoiding all my friends. Also, the reason why I didn't shout out "none of your business" because you know how it hurts when a good friend says that to you. I don't really know how to deal with it.

    BB
    Last edited by bbhope; 03-09-2013 at 20:03.

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    Hi bbhope,

    I have only been to 1 counseling session so far alone and 1 w DH, which was mandatory before we get on the donor list. I have found both sessions to be very useful. Our psychologist only does fertility-related counseling, I can PM you her name. I found the sessions helpful because she has met alot of people in the same situation and I can draw from their experience through her (this was before I became active on bubhub). Also, she brings up issues/topics that we might not have explored. She confirm things that my practical side knows but my infertility craziness side says otherwise. For example, I told her I felt that I was being punished for things that I have done previously (karma) and she was like you know sometimes good things happen to bad ppl and bad things happen to good ppl. I knew that already but it helps hearing it from her. Counseling is quite expensive about 170 an hour but it helps if you have Medicare and you can get a GP to enrol you into a Mental Health Treatment Plan and you get about 120 of that back, which makes the counseling affordable.

    On friends, I have given 4 type of reactions when they ask when are we having kids 1) Just smile 2) "Not yet!" and walk away as fast as possible 3) "We are having problems" and walk away fast 4) Tell them every detail and that we are on the donor list and start crying. To be honest, I cant even keep track who I have told and who I haven't. When we first found out, I had a compelling urge to tell everyone (DH did not mind, he said nothing to be ashamed about) so I wasnt the only one to feel sorry for myself. Now, Im limiting myself to reaction 1-3. No need for everyone to know the details except family and close friends.

    Im with you bb, I feel like shouting at some people too. Its amazing how untactful some people are. Get the message if you get short, curt answers and stop asking. I think there should be a rule around that if there are no kids after say 1 year the kids question should never come up. Actually, now I never ask anyone that question just in case they ask me back then I have to tell them my whole life story

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    Bertie, did your DH do the inhibin B test in the morning? I recall other hormone tests he did were in the morning. The GP didnt tell him this time so he went ahead with a convenient time.
    Last edited by bbhope; 08-09-2013 at 01:35.

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