rather have a healthy baby than none at all

**sunshinebub** · 02-10-2010 15:42

Just wondering your thoughts on hearing sometimes of women who get dissapointed, sad or even "devastated" when they have a scan and the baby is not the sex they want? I mean devastation is seeing your baby on the scan with no heartbeat....

I've been reading some posts here about this, and as a person who has had 5 miscarriages, I think I'd just like a healthy baby, no matter what it was...

I try to understand the gender disapointment thing, but I just can't..after everything I have been through.....I would love to be in these woman's shoes and be pg with a baby that was alive!!

Is there a little part of you that thinks the same thing, or is it just me? Would you be happy to be pg even if it wasn't your preferred sex??

**KaM** · 02-10-2010 15:43

I think a baby is a gift regardless of the sex or medical conditions they may have

**onelasttime** · 02-10-2010 15:45

I'm having my 4th child and I never had gender disappoint!! I'm with you I'd rather have a healthy baby no matter what gender

**threechooks** · 02-10-2010 15:48

I have had a recent m/c and am having trouble conceiving. I do not understand gender disappointment. Never have. It must be painful to read those threads.

**Pregnor** · 02-10-2010 15:51

I don't understand it either. I have never lost a baby, but I would be happy with 5 healthy boys if it meant that i never had to feel the pain of losing a child.

**sam's mum** · 02-10-2010 15:52

I am sorry that you have experienced this pain, but it doesn't mean that I don't get to feel mine.

should the person that "only" lost a foot not be upset because somewhere there is someone who lost their whole leg?

what if someone who was totally infertile said to you that they don't understand how you can be disappointed, at least you can get pregnant? your pain is valid to you, and that is all that is necessary for anyone to feel their pain.

I do understand that you would be happy with any live child, I felt that way after my miscarriage. I do love all my children, that doesn't mean that I didn't experience true emotional distress that I needed to work through in relation to gender disappointment with my third child.

**headoverfeet** · 02-10-2010 15:54

I'm sorry your upset OP maybe you need to avoid those threads if they upset you

I do think that people need to remember that everyone has their own journey

**Señor Chang** · 02-10-2010 15:57

Originally Posted by sam's mum

I am sorry that you have experienced this pain, but it doesn't mean that I don't get to feel mine.

Everyones pain is valid no matter how trivial some people may find it.

**3boysnpregnant** · 02-10-2010 15:59

Originally Posted by sam's mum

I am sorry that you have experienced this pain, but it doesn't mean that I don't get to feel mine.

should the person that "only" lost a foot not be upset because somewhere there is someone who lost their whole leg?

what if someone who was totally infertile said to you that they don't understand how you can be disappointed, at least you can get pregnant? your pain is valid to you, and that is all that is necessary for anyone to feel their pain.

I do understand that you would be happy with any live child, I felt that way after my miscarriage. I do love all my children, that doesn't mean that I didn't experience true emotional distress that I needed to work through in relation to gender disappointment with my third child.

I agree completely you just worded it better than I would if been able to.

**Theophania** · 02-10-2010 15:59

I too do not understand 'gender dissapointment'... Although in saying that I have a son and a daughter... BUt I can tell you when I fell pregnant with my second pregnancy I was excited either way and didn't really have a preference...

Although I myself do not understand it, I am not going to judge those who do. I think regardless of gender dissapointment those mothers and fathers will love their child no matter what sex they are, I just think sometimes they need to grieve over a lost dream iykwim...