Preschool aged children and personal boundries.

**The Velveteen Rabbit** · 25-08-2010 11:20

What do you think of preschool or young school aged children holding hands, hugging, pretending to be boyfriend/girlfriend? I have notice many parents at my child's kindergarten think it is very cute and endearing and often joke about it. I can't stand it and particular considering my child is involved in this behaviour being encouraged by other parents it irritates me to no end. I spoke to her carers about it and they agree with me that it is inappropriate behaviour and they will work on it. I never said anything in front of the other parents because I think they would think I was a stick in the mud. Just interested to see others opinions on the matter.

**BabelFish** · 25-08-2010 11:25

I think it depends on how far it goes. But to me that's just normal modelling and exploration of relationships and behaviour that children see in (hopefully) normal circumstances.

It's all a part of growing up. But I do think that it needs to be monitored and for there to be gentle intervention if things are going a little further than what could be considered normal childhood exploration.

**something** · 25-08-2010 11:46

I have no problem with child-led behaviour, innocent imitation, role play etc.

But when parents lead the children and instruct them how to act, or apply labels and connotations that children don't even understand, I don't like it one bit.

Someone I know does this and the little girl is (IMO) overly involved in this behaviour to the exclusion of other play. I find it disturbing.

**The Velveteen Rabbit** · 25-08-2010 11:49

Originally Posted by something

I have no problem with child-led behaviour, innocent imitation, role play etc.

But when parents lead the children and instruct them how to act, or apply labels and connotations that children don't even understand, I don't like it one bit.

Someone I know does this and the little girl is (IMO) overly involved in this behaviour to the exclusion of other play. I find it disturbing.

This is exactly how I feel. One of the other parents keeps saying to me that we will be grandparents before our time and It drives me crazy, can't stand it. I did not teach my daughter to model this kind of behaviour and I am frustrated at the way the other parents are treating this as if it's innocent. They are preschoolers not adults and they should not be engaging in these kind of relationship models when they have no comprehension of them.

**nothanksbye** · 25-08-2010 14:37

Originally Posted by Chesby05

I think it depends on how far it goes. But to me that's just normal modelling and exploration of relationships and behaviour that children see in (hopefully) normal circumstances.

It's all a part of growing up. But I do think that it needs to be monitored and for there to be gentle intervention if things are going a little further than what could be considered normal childhood exploration.

**JabberJaw** · 25-08-2010 11:27

It doesn't really bother me, i am pretty sure that at that age they don't actually grasp the true concept behind boyfriend/girlfriend anyhow. I think its more like best friends.

Children in that age group are often told to hold hands with someone when they walk to library/pool/out of classroom anyhow. And again it might be with a child of the same sex and i dont have a problem with that either.

What is your concern exactly? I know hugging is often discouraged due to it nits/headlice but i dont have a problem with kids calling the opposite sex there boyfriend/girlfriend because it is not in the same contest adults use the term.

**The Velveteen Rabbit** · 25-08-2010 11:30

Ok so my daughter is 4 and is constantly (every day she sees him) with this other male child holding hands, cheek kissing, saying she loves him and that he is her boyfriend. All the other parents think it's cute and encourage it. I don't agree I think it is inappropriate behaviour for their age and I do not like encouraging it.

**The Velveteen Rabbit** · 25-08-2010 11:34

I might add that my daughter is very affectionate and she does hold hands and hug a female child she refers to as her best friend. I have no problem with this. I have a problem with the connotations surrounding the behaviour in the other instance not because he is male but the relationship model itself.

**SimplyMum** · 25-08-2010 11:51

No- I don't agree with that level of relationship modelling. I don't have a problem with hand holding, kissing, hugging in a friend type context but not to that extent of boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't particulary like the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. DS has a 'girlfriend' but as far as I'm aware it doesn't go beyond the title and little gifts (yesterday DS gave her his apple seed

), but I also don't encourage it.

**Pina Colada** · 25-08-2010 11:51

I don't have a problem with it at all, I think is completely normal behaviour.

I REMEMBER doing it as a 5 year old. I used to hold my cousins hand and we used to say we were going to get married when we grew up

I find it quite sad that an adult would put some kind of inappropriate spin on it.

And I don't quite understand how you say that your daughter is affectionate, and behaves in a similar way with a girl, and that doesn't worry you, but you don't like her being affectionate with the little boy, but it isn't because he is a boy?

Maybe I misunderstand you.