I think you need to let go of control a little and you need to speak up.
If you laugh when they do things, how are they supposed to know you are annoyed?
You have to set your boundaries.
I do kiss my kids very loudly though and bubbas cant choke on bread.
I was just like you with my first and I was hugely over protective and a little paranoid.
walk away from them and work on what you want.
Then you can set boundaries.