Question for those who grew up with a step-mother

**shelle65** · 25-07-2010 12:37

Sorry if this is a garbled mess, I'm not thinking very straight at the moment...

Just wondering, for those whose parents separated when they were little and their father re-partnered and had more kids and their mother didn't... did you think of your father and step-mother and half siblings as your "real" family, and your mother was just... your mother?

No idea if that makes sense but thanks in advance if anyone can answer

**MrsBeee** · 25-07-2010 13:20

I asked my DH as this was his situation.
He said that he thought of his mother and father as his family still, and that he didn't have a 'real' family anymore, but a mother and a step-family (his parents split when he was 2). He was always conscious that they were not his full blood siblings.

**Blairysmum** · 25-07-2010 13:29

I HATED my step mum she wasn't very nice to me, she went through alot though so now I am older I kinda feel sorry for her, she feel pregnant and had a hard labour at 36 weeks and her son has brain damage and autism so she took it out on me because he was upset that my dad had a "normal" child and she didn't (she couldn't have kids after that!) I cut ties with my father because of her she didn't approve of my husband and got in my dads ear!? So I now speak to neither of them.

I love love love my step dad though my dd will only know him as her grandfather, and that doesn't upset me at all

I always tell DH if anything ever happens to me your number one priority is and always will e our daughter if she (god forbid anything happened to one of us!) didn't like our new partners then I am in the understanding that we will not give up our wonderful relationship with our child or children for that person

**mrse** · 25-07-2010 13:36

My mum and dad split when I was 7 years old as he had many affairs when he went away on "business trips" and had a flousie in every state. They divorced when I was 12.

He then remarried and I hated my step mum. She tried to shower me with gifts to win me over and i hated that. When they got married I never attended the wedding as I didnt agree with it. And they got divorced as she cheated on him.

Dad then went on re marrying another lady and they have been together for 11 years. She is 20 years younger to my dad and in order to see my own dad I need to make a booking! I need to be pencilled into her diary. I bet her son doesnt need to do that.

Lucky after I was born dad had the snip but he has more of a relationship wiht my step brother.

I am bitter about the whole situation as his wife has dad wrapped around her little finger and my dad hasnt the balls to call his own flesh and blood.

**FearlessLeader** · 25-07-2010 14:35

We are all family, my half brothers (three of them) are just as much my brothers as my 'full' brother is. I didn't grow up with them so much because the eldest is 12 years younger than me, but i am as close to them as my full brother and actually see them more than i see my full brother. But Mum and Dad are and always will be my mum and dad. Stepmum is great and i definitely think of her as family, but not close family, more like an aunt or something i suppose.

**catch 22** · 25-07-2010 14:54

I have never thought of my dads ex wife and her children as my family. My stepmum hated me. She would blame me for anything my stepsiblings did. I got grounded for 3 months because my 10 year old stepsister was smoking weed at the local bus station with people from my school. My school had over 1500 students and i was meant to be friendly with them all.

i also had to hand over all my centrelink payments to her and i didnt even have enough money to catch the bus to school. I had to walk 90 minutes everyway carrying a trombone. I also had to work to buy my school uniform and pay school fees. I took 9 days off school to work 12 hour days at the show. I found a job that was an hour walk away so i could work nightfill 7 days a week and she wouldnt let me take it. I even had to walk 3 hours home from band practice with a trombone once a week. To get there i would leave school at lunch and walk there. My stepsiblings never went without. New clothes, steiner school, older 3 got cars ect. So glad my dad divorced her. Also i tried to move out but she told centrelink i could live there so i wouldnt get any money. I was close to joining the navy to escape but i was so underweight, i was medically unfit.

edit: no they are not my family and i dont really think of my mum, full brother and sister as family either. More like second cousins ect. My whole family sucks.

**MrsBeee** · 27-07-2010 15:59

I answered this the other day, as it was DH's situation, but I am the 'new siblings' in this scenario, and though I can't guess at their thoughts, my half brothers and sisters always called me and my little sister their sisters (and we always called them our brothers and sisters), we've never made the distinction between half and full blood brothers and sisters (in fact, one of my brothers has corrected his wife when she called me his half sister, he said 'she's my sister'). BUT they never saw my mum as their mum. She was always Jan, and they had their mum and our dad.

**newmummy2010** · 06-08-2010 13:57

My half siblings are my real family(they're 10-20yrs younger than me) I adore them and hve always given them lots of love and attention, my stepmum is like an auntie..I don't like her never have, she always favoured her own children and traumatized me, but was forced to pretend I liked her so we could all get along and live in the same place.
I still see the younger siblings but try and avoid talking to her when I visit

**mimsie** · 06-08-2010 15:01

i was a right royal biatch to my step mother! She married my dad a week after I turned 13, not the best time to walk into my life, lol. My mother didn't remarry until I was 19 and married myself.

Dad had another child with my step mum who is 11 now, and she had a son who is 22.

I reached a point with her when I was about 17 or so, and I just went woah I have been horrid to you and you actually rock!! lol

Nowadays I'm not super close to family but definitely moreso to my dad. I find my step mum to be the sort of level headed, friendly and considerate person that I need in my life though, she's certainly a role model for me more than my mother, where I have issues.

All of my siblings are half except for the step-bro - my parents were married before they married each other and had 5 kids between them. Then I was the only child from their relationship.

Anyway as for your point, yes and no. I feel like I have two very different, very distinct families. I think my fondness of my step mum and the respect I have for her somewhat comes from the lack of those things with my mother - that is a strained and difficult relationship to manage, and has been for many years. So I find my step mum a refreshing alternative, if that makes sense.