View Poll Results: Would you continue your pregnancy if...?

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  • yes

    74 37.95%
  • no

    85 43.59%
  • other

    36 18.46%
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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by EquineMum View Post
    This exact question is very close to home for me. My brother is severely intellectually handicapped, has dextrocardia (his heart is back to front and on the wrong sides) and has a list of congenital 'defects' as long as your arm. He also has a special type of epilepsy - and his fits are generally stress triggered.

    My parents have been spoon feeding and changing nappies for 26 years now. They rarely (almost never) have a break, or time out or a night off - I was their chief babysitter and due to DH being in the Forces, we are regularly posted interstate away from my family, so it's just not an option anymore

    Both my parents drink and smoke exhorbitant amounts - they are always telling me this is their only outlet considering they have no social life - and who am I to argue? I grew up ridiculously fast as a child - and spent every day after school looking after my brother and every day on the school holidays babysitting because my parents simply couldn't afford a carer with the high skills and training required to look after him. The impact and effect my brother has had on my family is immense. Don't get me wrong, we all love him dearly - and should anything happen to my parents, he will come and live with us - but that's a whole other story.

    Every time my brother goes into hospital for any kind of treatment or surgery (which is quite often - any time he needs even something simple like dental work, it's a general anaesthetic), my parents have to sign the dreaded DNR form (Do Not Resuscitate) and come to an agreement that should something happen to him whilst under anaesthetic (very likely due to his heart issues) - do they Drs try and resuscitate him or not? My Dad says yes, he's his only son, my Mum says no - she is exhausted and if it's his time to go, then it's his time to go. This argument has torn my family apart on more occasions than I can count. We have all cried more tears over this one topic than anyone should in a lifetime.

    My parents are regularly covered in bruises and marks where my brother has lashed out. He has the intellectual abilities of a 2yo, but trapped inside the body of a 26 yo and he is so incredibly strong. Puberty was hell for all of us - I still have scars.

    When I fell PG with DS1, DH and I discussed what we would do if we found out our child had disabilities such as my brother's - and we both agreed, without question, we would terminate. When I fell pregnant with our current bump (21wks) - same thing.

    I'm not saying it's a decision we made lightly - termination is final. You can't take it back. I love my brother but I would not wish my family's situation on my worst enemy sometimes, let alone the people I love most in the world.

    Sorry this took so long to get out - but I felt I couldn't just say 'no, I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy' without some form of justification (even to myself) as to why.

  2. #52
    EquineMum's Avatar
    EquineMum is offline <---- Me, Him and The Bump 37wks
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    Nawww, thanks Brussels! I'll gratefully take any hugs I'm offered....although my...*ahem* bump gets in the way for hugs atm!!

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by EquineMum View Post
    This exact question is very close to home for me. My brother is severely intellectually handicapped, has dextrocardia (his heart is back to front and on the wrong sides) and has a list of congenital 'defects' as long as your arm. He also has a special type of epilepsy - and his fits are generally stress triggered.

    My parents have been spoon feeding and changing nappies for 26 years now. They rarely (almost never) have a break, or time out or a night off - I was their chief babysitter and due to DH being in the Forces, we are regularly posted interstate away from my family, so it's just not an option anymore

    Both my parents drink and smoke exhorbitant amounts - they are always telling me this is their only outlet considering they have no social life - and who am I to argue? I grew up ridiculously fast as a child - and spent every day after school looking after my brother and every day on the school holidays babysitting because my parents simply couldn't afford a carer with the high skills and training required to look after him. The impact and effect my brother has had on my family is immense. Don't get me wrong, we all love him dearly - and should anything happen to my parents, he will come and live with us - but that's a whole other story.

    Every time my brother goes into hospital for any kind of treatment or surgery (which is quite often - any time he needs even something simple like dental work, it's a general anaesthetic), my parents have to sign the dreaded DNR form (Do Not Resuscitate) and come to an agreement that should something happen to him whilst under anaesthetic (very likely due to his heart issues) - do they Drs try and resuscitate him or not? My Dad says yes, he's his only son, my Mum says no - she is exhausted and if it's his time to go, then it's his time to go. This argument has torn my family apart on more occasions than I can count. We have all cried more tears over this one topic than anyone should in a lifetime.

    My parents are regularly covered in bruises and marks where my brother has lashed out. He has the intellectual abilities of a 2yo, but trapped inside the body of a 26 yo and he is so incredibly strong. Puberty was hell for all of us - I still have scars.

    When I fell PG with DS1, DH and I discussed what we would do if we found out our child had disabilities such as my brother's - and we both agreed, without question, we would terminate. When I fell pregnant with our current bump (21wks) - same thing.

    I'm not saying it's a decision we made lightly - termination is final. You can't take it back. I love my brother but I would not wish my family's situation on my worst enemy sometimes, let alone the people I love most in the world.

    Sorry this took so long to get out - but I felt I couldn't just say 'no, I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy' without some form of justification (even to myself) as to why.
    to you and your parents and your brother

  4. #54
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    Absolutely beyond all measure I WOULD NEVER abort a child.

  5. #55
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    Mrs Molly Coddle is offline I've admitted in writing that veve is awesome - eeek she has proof!!!
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    I can't say for sure. It would depend on the complication.
    I only know for sure that we would terminate if the abnormality meant the baby wouldn't survive out of the womb. It would be very hard but I think that would be the least rocky path for us in that circumstance.

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    I would never terminate a baby regardless... I just couldn't do it

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    If the deformity/disability was not compatible with life, or meant my child would live a short, painful life, I would probably terminate.

    For Downs'? No. So, I voted other. Or, "It depends".

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    i think this is a really tough decision.

    though no test is 100% and people can be told that there is something wrong with their child, when there isn't.

    i would love to hear from parents who have had a very high risk of any sort of disability and continued with the pregnancy and had a "normal" child.

    i don't think technology is advanced enough for me to be able to say i trust it 100%.

    i also believe that if a child is so severely disabled, they will die in-utero, so nature would take its course anyway.

    but on another hand, i would hate for my child to grow up with a disability. depending on how bad it was, i would never really know how they really feel and what tehy are thinking, what tehy really want or need.. i mean are they trapped inside and just cannot come out, but are watching the world around them not able to escape and be "free?"

    i dunno, it's so hard a decision to make. i hate that they even have tests like this in a way, because it just makes it so much harder for some people.

  9. #59
    TrulyBlessed is offline Winner 2009 - Member you would most like to meet in Real Life
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    Quote Originally Posted by EquineMum View Post
    This exact question is very close to home for me. My brother is severely intellectually handicapped, has dextrocardia (his heart is back to front and on the wrong sides) and has a list of congenital 'defects' as long as your arm. He also has a special type of epilepsy - and his fits are generally stress triggered.

    My parents have been spoon feeding and changing nappies for 26 years now. They rarely (almost never) have a break, or time out or a night off - I was their chief babysitter and due to DH being in the Forces, we are regularly posted interstate away from my family, so it's just not an option anymore

    Both my parents drink and smoke exhorbitant amounts - they are always telling me this is their only outlet considering they have no social life - and who am I to argue? I grew up ridiculously fast as a child - and spent every day after school looking after my brother and every day on the school holidays babysitting because my parents simply couldn't afford a carer with the high skills and training required to look after him. The impact and effect my brother has had on my family is immense. Don't get me wrong, we all love him dearly - and should anything happen to my parents, he will come and live with us - but that's a whole other story.

    Every time my brother goes into hospital for any kind of treatment or surgery (which is quite often - any time he needs even something simple like dental work, it's a general anaesthetic), my parents have to sign the dreaded DNR form (Do Not Resuscitate) and come to an agreement that should something happen to him whilst under anaesthetic (very likely due to his heart issues) - do they Drs try and resuscitate him or not? My Dad says yes, he's his only son, my Mum says no - she is exhausted and if it's his time to go, then it's his time to go. This argument has torn my family apart on more occasions than I can count. We have all cried more tears over this one topic than anyone should in a lifetime.

    My parents are regularly covered in bruises and marks where my brother has lashed out. He has the intellectual abilities of a 2yo, but trapped inside the body of a 26 yo and he is so incredibly strong. Puberty was hell for all of us - I still have scars.

    When I fell PG with DS1, DH and I discussed what we would do if we found out our child had disabilities such as my brother's - and we both agreed, without question, we would terminate. When I fell pregnant with our current bump (21wks) - same thing.

    I'm not saying it's a decision we made lightly - termination is final. You can't take it back. I love my brother but I would not wish my family's situation on my worst enemy sometimes, let alone the people I love most in the world.

    Sorry this took so long to get out - but I felt I couldn't just say 'no, I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy' without some form of justification (even to myself) as to why.
    Oh Kayls. I never realised. I'm sure no one would ever judge esp considering what you guys have been through.

    It is such a personal decision that the only right answer ever is down to the couple involved.

    Everyone's lives are so different as are situations, emotional strengths & weaknesses. Also experiences people have been through.

    I'm lucky in a sense that J passed on his own. As my head told me if he had what they were saying was wrong there would most likely be no quality of life. But then my pesky heart was also at play saying to me how can you choose to let your own baby go. I was playing chess with my head & my heart & was at a stale mate.

    I'm so grateful my son took that decision away from me. As much as it hurts to say goodbye to your child at least I didn't have to live with the guilt I would of had if I had to make a decision (I tend to beat myself up over things). Its bad enough living with what I have to deal with now.

    Sorry for the ramble. Just really wanted to say there is no right or wrong answer in situations like this.

  10. #60
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    I choose other because it really depends on the situation and would vary for every possible condition. Hubby and I have talked about what we would do to just be aware of how we both feel.

    I am not for nor against abortion, my thoughts and feelings pre-baby are different to post-pregnancy.

    There are so many factors we would consider...and it is not about selfishness, its about being about to support our family financially as a physical disability would require one parent to not work and therefore play a role in affording to live on one income, already having a child and doing what is best for everyone, depends how far along I would be in the pregnancy,...if the defect is major or minor, physical or mental...so many factors would contribute to a decision which could only be made in that situation.

    I think in the end, I feel emotionally against terminating my own baby...I just hope I never have to be someone who experiences such an awful situation


 

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