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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pippi Longstocking View Post
    This is a spin-off, I thought it'd be best to start a new thread rather than derail the existing one.

    As a child, I was raised with the expectation that I'd be heterosexual. My family were not really homophobic, but the assumption was that we would all be heterosexual, so homosexuality was still "othered" and perceived as not the norm, deviant etc.

    I think if I had have been raised differently, without the assumption that I would grow up to be heterosexual, things would have been different. I am heterosexual currently, as I am in a monogamous, committed relationship with a person of the opposite sex. But I'm not sure that I would have defined myself as rigidly heterosexual had I been allowed the opportunity, knowledge and space to define for myself my own preferences.

    How do others feel? Were you raised with assumed heterosexuality? Do you think this impacted/currently impacts on your relationship choices? Do you think you would have made different choices if you were given more space to define your own sexuality?
    I've saved myself some typing by just quoting your OP... it pretty much mirrors my parents attitude- very much NOT homophobic in any way- but I don't think it every crossed their mind that any of us could be Gay... it was something that happened to other people.

    We did grow up in a small country town though- where NO one was Gay... so it was very much not the norm.

    I am very consciously raising my children differently.

  2. #32
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    Yes we were pretty much assumed that'd we'd be heterosexual. We were raised with homosexual family friends so we were always knew that homosexuality existed iykwim. But dad was not really open to the idea that his children would be anything but heterosexual
    However I was always curious of expended sexuality growing up. I know that I'm only in a hetrosexual relationship because dh came along first before I was honest with myself. So I don't identify as completly heterosexual and say im bi sexual and that has nothing to do with my upbringing
    Last edited by Little-Pink-Hen; 27-06-2010 at 20:43.

  3. #33
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    I'm not really sure anymore [god i feel so old, i can't remember back that far].

    i guess they would usually say 'when you grow up and get married', but at the same time, by year 3 i knew i was bi, and was aware of the term bisexual (i have a vivid memory of telling one of my classmates during the brief period of time she was nice to me).

    we have several very close family friends who are all clearly gay, and it just never occured to me that they were living with someone of the same sex cause they were gay so i do believe that my parents 'sheltered' me from that in a way, because they were always referred to as 'her friend' - but i'm not sure if thats just because my parents assumed i was smarter than i am, or because they were hiding it?

    in any case, i try to be very conscious of when i'm talking to anyones child, to say 'when you grow up and meet a wonderful person' versus 'insert member of opposite sex'. - its hard though. i actually really struggle with it, which is weird, cause i'm not definitely gonna end up with a guy, so i think thats where society sets our mindsets, even where our parents have really tried to normalise something

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    Yes I was.

    My parents were mortified by 3 of their daughters first boyfriends being effeminate though

  5. #35
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    Yes I was, although I don't think it was a deliberate attempt to stop us being gay, it just never really occurred to them that we would be anything other than straight.

    They were not really comfortable with me living with DH before we got married (he was the first man I had lived with) and so homosexuality would have been hard for them to accept I think .

    I try not to do the same to DS and I feel fine with the idea of him being gay or straight but I struggle a lot with DH...

    ETA I mean I struggle to get DH to be comfortable with the idea of homosexuality.

  6. #36
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    yeah i was.

    I am not doing this with my sons though.

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    Yes I suppose we were, dunno haven't really thought of it tbh.

    But at the same time reading a lot of pp people have said they were asked about whether you like a boy at school etc & that never happened in my house

    None of that was ever asked or spoken of, it just wasn't a priority. As in it was never assumed any of us 3 girls needed a 'boy' in our lives. My father was very old fashioned in many ways but in others he was very feminist in that he made sure his girls were taught they could acheieve anything they wanted & do anything just as well as any other male counterpart.

    I never even 'pondered' about liking a boy in 'that' way LOL until I was around 14yrs & thought " weelllll maybe I do like boys, all my friends seem to !!! " LOL !!! I mean I had crushes on pop/ rock stars etc but had never thought about partnering up iykwim.

    Maybe also because my sisters were the same & didn't date until a lot older ... My eldest sister didn't have a boyfriend until she was almost 18yrs & my other sister was 17yrs .... My eldest sister had 2 'serious' relationships before she left to live overseas at 27yrs where she came out of the closet 10yrs ago at 33yrs. My other sister went on to marry the guy she dated at 17yrs a few years later ( divorced 13yrs ago lol ).

    So yeah I guess it was 'assumed' but never forced or commented upon us.

  8. #38
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    we (me and my sister) were very much raised with assumed heterosexuality.

    my dad is a homophobe, not in a nasty way but in a prudish, i was brought up in the 50s kind of way, if that makes sense, so the very idea that we would be gay/bi was just crazy.
    i don't actually remember when i found out that you could be romantically with a person of the same sex, and for that reason i know it didn't shock me, so by that time i had learnt that what dad said wasn't always 'right', my mother's influence

    dad can be a bit funny, like he will not call someone gay, they are always homosexual, to the point that the word gay is crossed out in the newspaper (along with partner)

    Quote Originally Posted by Boombox View Post
    I like people, not genders.
    that pretty much sums me up, but i don't actually see gender, it's a bit hard to explain but even with DS i know in my brain he's a boy but sometimes i need to remind myself in a way cause to me, he's just my baby.

    i was in love with a girl once. too bad she was straight..

  9. #39
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    I'd say I was raised with the assumption... certainly had the "do you like any boys" comments etc.
    We are conscious of talking about different families, two mums, 2 dads, all of that, we don't want to do the same with our kids. They have a gay cousin, and have seen him with a few BFs over the years, and we have mentioned that some ladies marry ladies etc.
    BUT...
    we are clearly not doing a good enough job, as tonight's dinner conversation went like this:

    me to 9 year old DD: "you and your sister and (female) cousin are all having a sleep over at your aunt's house and you can all share a bed".
    DD: "No we can't cause that's gay".
    me: "What do you mean? sharing a bed doesn't mean someone is gay, that is more for adults who have girlfriends and so on, it's really about adults who want to do S.E.X... and ladies who like ladies are lesbians...and,ummm"
    at this point DH left the room, it was all too much for him and I was just rambling on and on with no real idea of what I was saying.
    DD: "But its not NORMAL!"
    me: "But of course it is, people are born one way or the other, it's just like being born a girl or boy, its totally normal, and you knwo your cousin is gay, he has a boyfriend, and also Uncle N, he is too, and its totally normal" (ramble, flounder, ramble)
    DD: "But its not normal to have 2 heads is it!"
    DH re-enters just in time for this and is totally bewildered as to how we have moved on to 2 headed people...By this point I was totally out of my depth, and had lost the total thread of what was going on, but at least now I know what is being discussed at school, and also thtat DDs knowledge of S.E.X.ual matters needs a bit of refining!

  10. #40
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    Would you separate sexes at sleep overs?

    would you allow your daughter who has only male friend to have them over for sleep overs?

    my son has only female friends. About 13 of them. He is never allowed at their homes for the sleep over parties. What do you all think of that?


 

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