Going insane. Please help

**mum2bubba** · 21-06-2010 20:32

I will admit I am finding it really hard to cope with her (Skye, 3 years) lately. I am with her all day long and she doesn't have naps anymore and even refuses quiet time and then she doesn't get to sleep til late at night despite being put to bed at 7:30. I am glad she goes to occasional care two days (for three hours each) a week otherwise I would go insane.

I get next to no help from Grant either. All he does is say 'if she's naughty, just put her in her bedroom and close the door' that's his answer to everything. And I tell him she can't just stay in her room all day. Seriously, if I am really stressed and at the point of yelling/crying/screaming he still won't help unless I ask. He's such a dumbar$e at times. Anyway this thread is about how I need help with coping with my three year old before I do something wrong.

I don't know what to do.

**mummajugs** · 21-06-2010 20:44

have you tried contacting a help line. like tresillian to help you with her sleeping/behaviour. etc. there are lots of places to get you help. it doesnt hurt to just ask?

fingers crossed something works soon

**sandramm1** · 21-06-2010 20:46

Does she go to daycare or a play group.

If you can get out of the house for an hour or so each day- go to the park and let her run herself ragged, then quiet time will be easier at home- pop on a dvd and then hopefully you can have some time to yourself

**MrsMiggins** · 21-06-2010 20:56

My 3 year old boy is a huge handful as well. He is such a contrast to my daughter, that I don't quite know what to do with him half the time!! She certainly has her challenging moments, but DS is challenging almost all the time. And yes, my DH doesn't cope too well with it either, which makes it all the more difficult & stressful.

As someone previously suggested, praising the good behaviour might help (while I have found it may not necessarily help directly with his own behaviour, it does help me to see his behaviour in a different light - ie: he has done something wonderful - he's not naughty ALL the time, and yes, I do love him and he is loveable) and also the HUGE one here - get out of the house!! Take a walk, go to playgroup, grandma's house, the shop, bike ride, a park, a friend's place, the library - anything at all. DS still has very challenging behaviour at times when we're out (some places worse than others) but it's not only less frequent, but sooooo much easier to deal with because I am less stressed when we're out.

And if it really gets to the point where you are not coping, there are literally dozens of programs available - many free - to help you. Ask at your DD's care centre, as I know my DD's kindy has lots of this kind of info.

Best of luck, I know how demoralising and difficult it can be.

**squish09** · 21-06-2010 20:45

sorry no advice here but just wanted to give you lots and lots of hugs!!! when she does finally go to sleep tonight have a glass of wine and some chocolate and i BIG cry!! i find wen i am at breaking point i have a HUGE cry and i can cope for a few more days! cry in the shower if you dont want grant to hear you or cry in his face so he can see there is something really wrong and he needs to be more help then 'shove her in her room'. Perhaps try more postive encouragement like ummm 'look how good DS has gone to sleep tonight isnt he a great boy, do you think you could do i good job like him? and praise her for everything she does 'right' 'good work skye for staying in your bed' . just a thought! hears hoping tonight is a better night for you!

**jacstar31** · 21-06-2010 20:49

one thing my 3 yo loves is going to op shops and finding a 'special' toy, means he is occupied and you get a bit of a break. also find some books/pictures/magazines she likes and do read, do some cutting and pasting and make up stories..just a few ideas we have tried...

**Sheer Bliss** · 21-06-2010 20:54

Originally Posted by mum2bubba

I will admit I am finding it really hard to cope with her (Skye, 3 years) lately. I am with her all day long and she doesn't have naps anymore and even refuses quiet time and then she doesn't get to sleep til late at night despite being put to bed at 7:30. I am glad she goes to occasional care two days (for three hours each) a week otherwise I would go insane.

I get next to no help from Grant either. All he does is say 'if she's naughty, just put her in her bedroom and close the door' that's his answer to everything. And I tell him she can't just stay in her room all day. Seriously, if I am really stressed and at the point of yelling/crying/screaming he still won't help unless I ask. He's such a dumbar$e at times. Anyway this thread is about how I need help with coping with my three year old before I do something wrong.

I don't know what to do.

I know how you feel - I could have written that! My DH helps, but has NO idea on ideas of what to do. DS has just turned 3 and is WILD!

Originally Posted by mummajugs

have you tried contacting a help line. like tresillian to help you with her sleeping/behaviour. etc. there are lots of places to get you help. it doesnt hurt to just ask?

fingers crossed something works soon

Funny you say that....I just started a post asking if they do tresillian for 3yo! I am thinking that a visit to our CHN for a referral to family care cottage (our local starting point before tresilian) is in order.

**Benji** · 21-06-2010 20:49

Ask Grant to help, honestly. Actually, no, TELL him he is now in charge of getting Skye to bed while you get Nathan and Hayley to bed. Skye would probably love it and it will make for a much more peaceful house. C'mon Grant - help out.

**mum2bubba** · 21-06-2010 21:47

Originally Posted by Benji

Ask Grant to help, honestly. Actually, no, TELL him he is now in charge of getting Skye to bed while you get Nathan and Hayley to bed. Skye would probably love it and it will make for a much more peaceful house. C'mon Grant - help out.

That's the thing, I feel bad to ask for help. Not just with Grant and housework or kids but with anything. Like if my car needs fixing I have a few friends and family that can fix things and I do ask but I feel really bad, like it's a huge burden. I asked Grant to do the dishes the other day while I went to the shops and I felt guilty for asking (he did them which is good).

And as for him being in charge of her bedtimes, all he does is just put her in her room and close the door and she screams. She really only goes to me for things also unless I'm not here.

**brogeybear** · 21-06-2010 21:59

Im sorry you have such a hard time sweetie! Once again I keep coming back to the main issue being Grant. You are both the parents of your wonderful kids. You need to co parent them! That means you need to be on the same page and he needs to support you in your methods. You need to be willing to listen to him as well (if he actually has anything worthwile to say), but his "solution" is outrageous and a total cop out!

Sending you some big hugs sweetie and some virtual chocolate too! It will get better, 3/4 I have noticed (though havent dealt with it myself yet) can be a difficult age, and very full on. She needs to be able to give you some quiet time once a day though, it is good for her development to be doing an activity on her own, such as colouring, painting, playing dolls, whatever takes her fancy.

Half an hour can be a godsend for you to just have some quiet, and isnt unreasonable to ask of a 3 y/o either. It is also not unreasonable to expect Grant to actually PARENT his kids!

xox