Martina, I know it's hard. The doc is an idiot. Try and focus on getting through each, minute, hour, day anyway you can. Try and chase those bad thoughts out of your head, and think of some nice distracting things that you can do to get you through each minute, hour, day. I find cooking, sudoku, and dvd's helps me. Unfortunately we can't change whatever fate has chosen for us, just try and get through it any way we can. I hope this helps, we're here for you.