Surrogacy question...

[mummykitty]

hi there.. i have been reading about in america how it is all paid and was talking to a friend about it and they had made the suggestion of 'gifting' something to the mother as a 'labour/ birth-day' present...seems this isnt uncommon over in US either... i was not quite sure on it and was wondering what other people thought about it?

im looking for any input about it really just trying to see where i sit with it all i guess and needing a larger group of people to bounce things off of

so i guess what im asking is...

Do you think surrogates should be paid?

Do you think a 'gift' (large item) is appropriate or something that should happen?

Do you believe it should remain altruistic in all aspects?

just looking for ideas on where people are at with it im still lost lol.. look forward to hearing what you all think soon!! xox

[Peajae]

Wow that is a really interesting question. I hadn't really given it much thought until a good friend of mine who is having a lot of trouble conceiving with IVF mentioned that her and her DH have discussed surrogacy.

My first instinct is that it should remain altruistic, in the same way that egg donors aren't paid in Australia. I think if you are deciding to help someone in such a unique and selfless way that payment wouldn't factor into the decision. My concern with women being paid as surrogates would be whether they would be more worried about the money or the health of the baby.

Having said that, obviously I understand that surrogacy is a much bigger and more intimate commitment to make, and carries far greater risks for the surrogate than being an egg donor does. I don't know much about it but i'm assuming at the moment that all medical bills etc relating to the pregnancy, delivery and postnatal recovery are paid for. So as long as this encompasses all scenarios including any long term issues for the surrogate (i'm thinking PND, birth trauma etc), then no additional payment should be mandatory outside of that.

As far as gifts go, I think that would be an individual decision in each situation, and would depend on the relationship between the biological parents and the surrogate. I don't think there should be any obligation to provide a large gift, but it should be up to those involved.

I'd be interested to hear others' thoughts on the topic. As I said I've only recently given thought to the subject, and I hope I haven't said anything to offend anyone!

[kim36]

I believe that surrogacy is such a precious gift that gifts or monetary rewards should not come into the equation.

I am researching the whole surrogacy issue at the moment because my step brother and his wife are not able to have their own child and I would love to give them that gift.

My belief is that whatever expenses you would normally incur as a pregnant women should be covered by the intended parents.

[sweetseven]

My first few thoughts are:

I see nothing wrong with a completely voluntary gift after the fact. However:

* care would need to be taken that it didn't appear as payment in any form and thus invalidate the surrogacy aggreement.

* wouldn't the money to buy the gift be better spent raising the child?

[Sunshine Coast Doula]

I think the question of gifts is a good one.

I believe it is entirely up to the surrogate and the intended parents.
Many husbands buy their wife a gift after the birth - as a sort of thank you for going through labour - but it isnt a payment and most women wouldn't 'expect' a gift.
I think it comes down to whether the Surrogate expected something. Which would not be a healthy attitude to have if you wanted a beautiful experience.
I think many parents would be so overjoyed with the gift they were taking home they would want to leave the surrogate with a little something to remember the experience by (other than stretch marks and incontinence lol). That said a gift that has sentimental value does not need to cost a lot. A thoughtfull gift might be a letter written on beautiful paper from the parents expressing their gratitude and all the amazing moments they have had with the surrogate. And maybe a photo frame with a picture of the surrogate and baby????

Thats said, if the intended parents did have money and the surrogate needed something to make her life easier in some way then would it be so wrong to give an expensive gift that was not part of the initial agreement?
Most people needing a surrogate have probably spent ALOT of money on the journey to get to the point of needing one so would not be able to afford a gift to begin with?

I am actually interested in what is considered reasonable costs?
Does maternity wear count (within reason)?
I dont get regular massages usually but when pregnant they were the only way i could sleep in the last trimester due to achy hips etc. Would that count?
I also eat a lot better when I am pregnant and that does add up at the cash register.

Or is it expected that the surrogate would cover some of the costs?

Thoughts on what everyone would consider reasonable costs are very welcome. Would love to hear from ppl who have been through it or are in the process!

Take care everyone!
SCD

[sophie11]

I really like Australias Aulterisic laws.
I personally am quite uncomfortable in the monetry issue of surrogacy in other countries. I think for a few (not all of course) it is like a paid 'job'
A small personal gift to say thank you, (homemade, not expensive, a heartfelt momento such a scrapbook or somthing) I think would be very special. JMO.

As I have already given a child to a childless couple (adoption many years ago) to see the heartfelt thanks and tears of happiness just blow me away and are worth far more to me then money.

[Shellen]

I think that a thoughtful pesonal gift to say thank you is acceptable but not nesesary or expected (I wouldn't any way)

As for expences I would think medical including chrio or massage if that was something done in own pregnancies as I know my chrio was the only thing keeping me standing (but then after typing that only the extra ones as I would go anyway), contrubution towards maternaty clothes (not all of it) and somthing towards loss of income if sick pay didn't cover time taken.

Carrying a child for someone is a gift. IMO you are an oven to cook a bub that his or her mum can't cook. I really want to help someone one day.

[MissWinter]

I don't think that it should be expected, but if the family want to give the surrogate mum a gift, then let them