ill be thinking of you in this time.
ill be thinking of you in this time.
Thanks Krystal. DH and I had a good chat last night about things. He is the type of person that keeps things very close to his chest and it is hard to get things out of him, but last night he opened up and told me everything.
Thats great so glad to hear, it must be a big relief for you im sure, i hope you have a wonderful day today and things turn out to be postive.
well i'm back here after a long absence due not being fudged typing lol. Meh i feel like **** today! I dunno whats what anymore. I'm tired of searching for answers and i'm really tired of the battle. I don't know if anyone can relate to that feeling where years of trying to be a better person doesnt seem to be working? Writing songs, poetry, goals, feelings, mental health plans stopped working years ago. I feel resigned to the fact that i cant change anything at all. I am now days becomming pshsically ill from all the anger i feel all the time. I used to love and feel compassion, all i've felt for so long now is anger, resentment, neglect and lonliness. I used to hope and have faith that i could get better, i haven't felt hopeful in a very long time. I struggle to find a single soul who understands who can provide answers. I'm lost in a lost system, i live regionally, i can't seem to find anyone who knows how to help me and i cannot seem to help myself. I feel like a freak living in a tiny unheard of minority group who cannot speak the language of everyone else. I open my mouth to ask for support and all i get are looks of confussion and comments like 'it'll pass, 'your taking on too much' (i don't do anything). It's been 10 years and my situation has not improved, i'm more isolated than ever, i have felt like a tortured prisoner for too long. This is not the sort of typical depression i'm used to. I think this is the long term affects of social isolation and feeling misunderstood. I have so much to be thankful for in my life but i always feel empty. Isolation is torture i make contact with the community but never more than chit chat. Once i was friendly, funny, spontanious and compassionate, how have i become so angry, awkward, unhopefull? What do you do when your not even sure what your fighting for anymore?
Last edited by JJJRain-crew; 05-05-2011 at 13:37.
JJJRain - I often have the same feelings as you where the trying doesn't seem to be working, and I often think why do I bother trying if nothing is going to work. The last time I felt hopeful is when I had my son, but that was short lived when my husband cheated on me only 8 weeks later. I hope to one day feel hopeful again.
Hello *waves* I also suffer from depression (ever since I can remember including my childhood) anxiety (since my teen years) and some medical professionals yet not to others mild bo polar. Though that goes back right through my family history so who knows.
In 20 years I have only come across 1 phsycologist that came even close to being able to make headway, but she was a student so it only lasted for 4 weeks, then the last of my medicare funded appointments ran dry. Medication, meh, it keeps me stable but far from happy, it just stops the temper that is constantly brewing (and makes it manifest to tears when push comes to shove making me seems like I am weak or a pushover)
Why am I here? Well, the internet is about the only place you can ever seem to find someone that has even a remote idea of what you feel. And typing things out are much easier to trying to verbalise them.
Anyways, I am feeling very low tonight, but thought I would drop into here and say hi.
Hi Keerah Typing is therapeutic for me too. I find that when I try to vocalize how I am feeling people don't really get it and tend to shut off. I grew up in a pretty depressed/ anxious/ melancholy household so I'd probably say that I kind of just adapted the best I could as a kid. Unfortunately alot of the traits stuck and I spend alot of my adult life trying to break free of them and be a slightly better version of my parents who are still very stuck. The mental health system leaves alot to be desired doesn't it? Sometimes I think (for me personally) they do more harm than good but I guess that with the uniqueness of each individual you almost need a completely different system, what works for one person will hinder another. Anywho, I'm having alot of brain farts so I'm going to stop typing for now!
Double post. Mods please delete
Last edited by Kimnus; 23-09-2012 at 22:19.
Hi allI really don't know if people are still checking this area, but I am just looking to chat to someone. My dd is almost 3 weeks old and emotionally and mentally I feel like crap. I know this isn't PND as I have suffered with depression for awhile (12 years). I just feel really down and my head is so cloudy and I feel like I can't see through it
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