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  1. #111
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    Walhalla and wise enough..
    I understand the need for healthy parents for the child and i understand there comes rules and regulations with these things but they shouldnt discriminate us against becoming parents.
    We have been making the steps for a long time to become parents and our doctor can show this to them. And we are committed to becoming parents and will continue to lose weight to become parents.

    At the end of the day no one can predict the future and say that a healthy thin person wont have issues with health or could in fact pass away. I think at the end of the day they need to consider our health checks and say that well walhalla and randeazza are healthy and have made considerable changes to become parents.

    I guess im just a little hurt

  2. #112
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    Sorry I haven't been on for a while.

    Well we finally received confirmation that we have been registered and put on the wait list for an infant adoption information session


    Wallhala- I hope they have finally sorted out your referee letters.


    Randezza- after doing a bit of reading and how personally intrusive this process is (ie I have read that they ask you about your sex life etc), I had wondered what else might pop up and if they had limits on BMI
    It would seem nothing is off limits.
    I have let my weight get away from me after quite a few years of fertility treatments. I have had good intentions to rectify this but I must admit I had decided to let myself just be for a few months and just enjoy not TTC. Ah well, looks like I will be hitting the gym sooner rather than later. Probably the motivation I need to get back on track. Thank you for posting this information. Hopefully I can lose the weight before we get into the training which I expect will be a long way off. I can understand how this can be so upsetting for some and I do agree that it sounds a little discriminatory and that BMI is not always a good indicator of health. I do feel quite sorry for those who may have just had there hopes completely squashed. It is probably just another way for them to reduce the number of applicants. I would love to hear any other interesting things you have learnt and good luck in reaching your goal.

    BB

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    Mybuby  (30-01-2014)

  4. #113
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    They are very inruisve billy bob.

    Alot of our family and friends have said that in all realisticness that wether your BMI is 25 or 50, either person could end up with diabetes, heart disease and or stroke.
    It really shouldnt effect your parenting skills and right to adopt a child as when you conceive naturally any of these things can happen and doctors really do not tell you that you cannot fall pregnant. So it really puts 90% of couples in a pickle.

    A few other things they mention are:

    Access for 50 % of the infants is necessary, access with the birth family must be done 4 times a year.
    They ask for in great detail your financial background.
    You are not allowed to adopt or try IVF again for 2 years and even after that 2 year mark they advice it isnt a great idea as this child needs alot of attention care and love which i totally understand.
    You are not allowed to move interstate or overseas in the future due to access and if you do go on holidays you must make sure you are back for access.
    It is a very open adoption.

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    Mybuby  (30-01-2014)

  6. #114
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    Hi Randeazza.

    I had heard about adoption being quite open and that sits okay with me, not sure about DH, he seemed a little taken aback. But after some reading it made sense to me as to why this is best for the child.

    I asked about the BMI cut off on another forum and they were all of the opinion that is just a guideline. One of the couples who had recently adopted in Vic said that they had a higher BMI than 25 and that their social workers were happy with the fact that there overall health was good and they just had to show that they were making efforts towards a healthier lifestyle. So perhaps it is not as strict as they made out??? Who knows.

    How are you going with it all. Are you going to take the next step and go to the training days??

  7. #115
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    Hi All,
    I too, haven't posted in a while. Just a quick up date our son is doing really well. He's been with us for 5 months now and he turns 1 in a couple of weeks.

    Just a little tip it pays to do your research on adoption issues and be open minded about the birth mother and her feelings. After having gone through a long overseas adoption process prior to switching over to the local program we realise how lucky we are in Australia to have information about the child and be able to meet the birth mother (as we just did).

    Also, I'm really sorry to hear about the BMI, this was never mentioned at our info sessions either. I don't think there is a rule/cut off with it as such but please remember that the birth mother chooses us. When she sits down with three similar profiles based on what she has asked for (eg. Non smoker, non catholic) it maybe something as silly as a BMI to compare you to the next applicant. The birth mother does not see photos at this point but she will see information about health, height, weight etc.

    Feel free to ask any questions about the process and good luck x

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    Mybuby  (30-01-2014)

  9. #116
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    Hi CJ123,

    So lovely to hear from you! I have been wondering how you are going with your precious new bub and it's good to know that all is well.

    I found it surprising when you mentioned that birth mothers first gain basic information about couples such as whether they are non smokers and non Catholic. I assumed that they were given a few profiles to read immediately after they described their selection criteria, including photographs. Do you know which stage of the process the birth mothers receive the profiles to read? It's not a pressing question, just curious.

    Kind regards,

    Bubbles

  10. #117
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    Hi Bubbles

    Sorry my message probably wasn't clear. The process is birth mothers let their social workers know what their selection criteria is as a first step (eg they may want non smoker etc). Our information as applicants, is put onto the national database when we are approved after panel. It is up to the social workers to pick three potential matches/couples from the database according to birth mother's wishes. Birth mother is then given these three pro lies to choose from. Once she chooses a couple, it is not until us, the applicant couple accepts the match/baby then the birth mother will see our photos. Does that make sense?

  11. #118
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    Hi CJ123,

    Thank you for your quick response. That made perfect sense. I think I was looking into it too much!

    Enjoy your little one's first birthday and your first Christmas together!

    Bubbles

  12. #119
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    Good Morning Everyone!
    little update from us...
    About a month ago my husband and I received a call about a baby with complex medical conditions. Our social worker couldn't give us any details as it was too early on in the adoption process for the baby and the birth mum, however she wanted to know how those medical conditions sat with us.

    2 weeks later we were given some more details and asked if we wanted to be shortlisted which we agreed to. After a long wait and many phone calls and emails back and forth between us and our social worker another two weeks later we got the call to say we weren't selected for the baby.

    : ( we spent a long month bonding with the idea of this baby and experienced a wide range of emotions. The baby felt so close and it was so exciting for us! but then there was the medical side which couldn't be ignored and needed serious consideration. We both found the waiting period long and stressful and for a moment I thought we were back in IVF!

    After we got the call to say we weren't selected we spent a few days feeling down in the dumps but both feel much better now knowing that we weren't the right match for each other after all...

    Our social worker was extremely sorry for the situation but said in situations like that its unavoidable getting the shortlisted adoptive parents involved before selection.

    Not the best month we've had but it wasn't meant to be so that sits ok with me : )

    Hope everyone else is moving along in their processes. Anyone else got any updates??

    Hopefully 2014 brings lots of good news stories!

    Have a safe and Merry Chrissy
    xo

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    Mybuby  (30-01-2014)

  14. #120
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    Hi gusandmeg,

    I just wanted to send a quick reply to say that we feel
    for you and understand how heart breaking it is.
    We went through the same situation in march.
    Almost identical, a little bub with medical conditions etc
    We invested every thing we had in the possibility, went
    to our GP to discuss the condition and management of it.
    We agreed to have our file put forward and then on the
    day of the board meeting we waited all day for " the call"
    we finally had it at 4pm saying we weren't chosen.
    it was so difficult to process. But then like yourself over
    time we felt that it wasn't meant to be and this little bub
    was in the home that was meant for them.

    I just wanted to give you some very strong hope as
    6 weeks after that we got "the call" and were allocated
    our daughter. She had been with us 7 months now.
    I head this story time and time again, and once you are
    put forward once then it is so often the case you are matched
    soon after. Everyone I have met over the years in the
    program said to me that it was a very good sighn being
    put forward and that it meant we would be matched soon.
    We were too down to believe it for a while and then settled back
    into the wait and then got the biggest suprise.

    Our social worker actually told us quite recently quite candidly that
    it is often the case that they out a family forward to
    get them known out there and then a match follows soon
    once your file has been seen around the offices.

    I think this is very very good progress and I am sure
    we will hear good news from you in the near future.

    Have a goid Christmas break with the knowledge
    that you are just that bit closer

    Sam

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    Mybuby  (30-01-2014)


 

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