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  1. #141
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    Hi all

    Well yet again I got Hardly any sleep last night because I just want to know what the outcome is going to be for me & dh next week

    I'm trying to stay positive but it's so dam hard cause every time we have been to an app it has always been bad news . I keep telling myself that next app it won't be but I don't think this helps as if it's not then I'm setting myself up for a big fall ... Arrghh

    Anyway 8 days to go untill we find out our future I guess

    Kdsd - I wish you & your dh all the best for The 15th & I hope it's good news for u

    I will def let you all know how dh & I get on next Thursday

    Untill then I'll keep counting down & try to keep myself busy

    Off to bed for me to try & get some sleep

    Ciao

  2. #142
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    Hi all

    Just thought I would update everyone

    Well dh & I are devastated . The biopsy & tese found no sperm

    Dh & I have been balling our eyes out since we found out only a couple of hours ago

    My head is so messed up with thoughts right now :-(

    If anyone has any suggestions on what to do next that would help

  3. #143
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    Hi Bubbadreams - I'm so sorry to hear that. I understand totally; this was us last year too. I was so sure some sperm would be found in the TESE/biopsy & it was a shock when none was ... and yet still the finality of it didn't hit me until after we got back the results and diagnosis from the biopsy. It left us with not much hope. But you never know, you may have more promising news from your biopsy reults than we did.

    For us, at that time, we dealt with it & discussed what to do - we were both agreed to proceed with donor sperm. My DH felt very strongly that he would much prefer us to have a child that was at least genetically part of me than neither of us, but he also feels very strongly that he wants an anonymous donor, not a relative or friend, as he wants to be 100% the father. I think it would be a good idea for you guys to discuss that and think about all the pros and cons of it. We came to that decision, and then a bit later (after we'd already come to terms with it & thought it was final) we were referred to a different doctor. Are you based in Sydney? The doctor we went to is a real specialist in this area - if there's any sperm to be found, he will find it.

    He gave us a 50/50 chance of finding sperm in my DH - which was much better than the 5% we were previously told after the biopsy. With those odds DH definitely wanted to go ahead with the microdissection, so we wouldn't always wonder if we could have done more. Unfortunately we fell into the unlucky 50% and there wasn't a single sperm to be found in my DH. They have no idea why in his case. I sincerely hope you have better luck. However, we are so comfortable with our decision to go with donor sperm & know that when we are blessed with a baby, it won't make a shred of difference. My DH will be the most amazing father to any child, sperm or no sperm ... I'm sure your DH is the same.

  4. #144
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    Hi Bubbadreams
    Ditto to what peonies has said (we have similar stories regarding MFI).

    Grieve and start discussing options now, but hold on to some hope until after microdissection. We also used Dr David Golovsky (brilliant man, despite the result), and also failed to get sperm at microdissection, and subsequently asked a couple of relatives to consider being donors before we moved on to anonymous sperm.
    We didn't have alternative sperm lined up on microdissection day, so froze unfertilised eggs for 14 months until we did have some sperm available. Peonies was more prepared, and was able to use donor with fresh eggs on the same day that the microdissection failed to get sperm. Because the microdissection sperm would have been too precious to put through a freeze-thaw we did a stim cycle to coincide with the attempt at sperm collection.

    DH and I were warned at counselling that the grief may resurface when/if we conceived using donor, but that didn't happen, it's been happiness all the way.

  5. #145
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    Hey ladies

    Thank you for your kind words & advice

    It a really difficult situation we are in right now & dh doesn't even want to talk about alternative options ATM . I guess I just have to give him time

    What makes things even harder is I am the result of donor sperm so it pulls on the heart strings a little bit as I know personally how hard it was to deal with . I actually only found out a couple of years ago & my dad who passed away 2 years ago never knew I was not his real daughter so it complicates our situation now a little but I know that I won't let things go the same way if we have a child using donor sperm .

    I'm curious to know how the whole donor thing works . Can anyone tell me pls

    Thanks

  6. #146
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    Donor sperm processes may vary from clinic to clinic, eg. some will not do anonymous donor. Peonies and I went through IVFA, and they have a booklet about receiving donor sperm that you can find through the links on their website.

    The timing of things will vary depending on whether you go known or anonymous. But essentially, the donor and his partner undergo counselling sessions. The donor has a blood test for infectious and genetic conditions prior to donating. The sperm is then quarantined for 6 months and then the donor has another blood test for infectious conditions (checking that he didn't catch something right around the time he was donating). After passing the blood tests the sperm is available for use. The sperm belongs to the donor at all times, and they are permitted to change their mind about donating. Embryos made using the sperm belong to you and your partner, and the donor has no say about them.

    The recipient and his partner (I view sperm donation for a hetero relationship as being to the man, and then the sperm becomes his to use with his partner) undergo counselling sessions to try to make sure they've considered emotional and practical aspects of using donor sperm. Then you do an ART cycle. Depending on the sperm you choose it might be IUI, IVF or ICSI. The sperm we used was for ICSI only. I think that was because they were stretching it out to meet as many cycles as possible so then numbers were to low for IVF or IUI.

    Choosing known sperm. Your clinic may have suggestions.
    When you are comfortable with the idea of asking somebody to consider being a donor then ask them. At first there was only 1 person we were comfortable asking - one of DH's cousins. We told him and his wife to take their time because we knew it was a big decision. After about 4 months they decided they could not donate - they could not emotionally detach themselves from the sperm. By that time we had grown comfortable with the idea of asking DH's father, whereas earlier that had seemed really odd and a bit icky. Even though FIL had to go through surgical sperm extraction (prior vasectomy), he (and MIL) agreed readily and went through the donor processes above. With known donor there is also a counselling session with both donor and recipient parties together.

    Choosing anonymous (de-identified) sperm. Your clinic will give guidance (if they permit anonymous donor).
    Enter your clinic's waiting list. When at the top of the list receive profiles with as much info about the donor as they choose to provide - physical traits of donor and siblings and parents, education, hobbies, ancestral countries of origin, whether they consent to contact prior to the child being 18, and whether that contact could be direct or mediated via the clinic, that sort of stuff. Our profiles were handwritten (pdf scans of original) so we also saw handwriting, spelling and grammar. Choose one that feels like a match for you, or wait until another profile becomes available. Among our initial 4 profiles, there was one which was just so right for us. We are not "settling" for anything. I believe it was the same for peonies with the profiles they saw. Then make sure you've done the clinic requirements like all the counselling sessions. Obviously there is not any session with you and donor together. Donor has finished all their counselling. IVFA had a rule about only getting 3 tries with anonymous donor sperm before having to go back to the bottom of the waiting list. I don't know if that rule has changed now that they have arranged access to some US sperm. (Ours finally worked on the third try.)

    When the child is 18 they are entitled to go do the donor registry and get name, DOB and last known address of the donor. Therefore anonymous isn't really anonymous anymore, which is why the number of donors has declined in recent years.

    I'm pretty sure that if you want to import sperm it has to meet Australian rules about testing, disclosure of identifying info when child is 18, and not buying it (payment is only to reimburse costs, because of Australian laws about trade in human tissue). But I'm not certain about all that since we never looked down that path.

    We plan for our children to know from a young age how they were conceived. We're going to use a facts of life book called "So that's where I came from" by Gina Dawson, ISBN 9781742031019, to help. It touches on all sorts of family structures, eg. single parents, same sex parents, hetero parents, and also on all sorts of ways to become a child in the family eg. intercourse, ART, donor gametes, adoption, and also on different ways to give birth. It doesn't make any one way "correct", but just presents the options as the author saw them in a primary-age friendly manner. My sister uses the pictures and invents a simplified text to explain the book and IVF to her 4 y.o. son. That book, plus an IVFA booklet, meant that one day last year he explained to his dad the difference between IVF and ICSI.

    I'm happy to elaborate on any points or to answer more questions if I've left anything out.

  7. #147
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    Hey Bubbadreams, sending loads of hugs your way, I'm really sorry that yiu & DH are having to go through this. Give yourself a chance to grieve & be kind to yourself.

    I just wanted to thank Peonies & Felicita for all your info. Although sperm was found on TESE we may be having to use donor sperm if it ends up that DH has testicular cancer (we see the urologist again on tues for more results). The tumour is showing up on the his only descended testicle, which may mean that we end up with none to TESE if they remove the one with the tumour. I was just wondering how long the wait was for de-identified donor sperm was at IVFA. As at my age every month is crucial. We are at Genea, but they only use known donor so we would have to change clinics & Drs too.

    Thanks girls

  8. #148
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    Prior times to get to top of IVFA list:
    Entering list around New Year 2012 - approx 2 months. This is the new short wait time since they arranged for a site in the US to collect and ship complying sperm. A cycle with US sperm costs more than a cycle with Aus sperm, but its availability has shortened the waiting list.
    Compare with Entering list around Sep 2009 (only Aus sperm available) - approx 9 months, was told to expect approx 1 year.

  9. #149
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    Hey guys

    Well it's been a few days now since the news & dh & I have been contemplating getting a second opinion . I know we could be setting ourselves up for more bad news but I just wouldn't feel right if we didn't get a second opinion .

    I had read so many stories on here & People have had no sperm on first try but then on second try found some

    We are waiting on biopsy results from The lab still so who knows there may be some hope there still after-all

  10. #150
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    Hi ladies,
    My DH has had two semen analyses. First time his morphology was 97% and second time it was 93% abnormal. During the two analyses, my DH reduced his alcohol intake quite a bit. He has been taken Menevit for nearly a year.

    After the 1st results, we made plans to being our first IVF cycle, it was due to begin on 23 May. Now, after receiving the 2nd round of results, our FS has said he thinks we should keep trying naturally and see how we go. Even though I am glad things have improved, I feel a bit devastated because we were looking forward to being proactive about the situation. Anyway, we've cancelled out 1st cycle and are getting a second opinion in mid-June.

    My DH has cut down alcohol but I can't get him to stop drinking completely. He also won't budge on his daily coffee. It's hard because I sometimes wish I had the ability to take control of the situation.

    I feel a bit confused about it all. Should we wait? What are the odds of conceiving naturally with 93% abnormal sperm? Should I push my DH to cut out caffeine and alcohol completely?


 

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