*Mods feel free to move if this should be elsewhere*
Ok, just to let you know I am a regular BH member, but due to the nature of this thread I'd prefer anonymity.
A few years ago, DP's sister (we'll call her SIL), who is a heroin addict confided in my mum that she had been raped as a child. She claims that it happened at the hands of FIL. This admission came while she was in a drug affected state, and when mum left her to sleep it off, she left, taking with her mum's mobile phone and watch. We have had no contact with her since.
When I mentioned it to DP, he dropped a bombshell, saying that he had been raped as a 3 year old, by his mum's boyfriend at the time. DP's mum is also a drug addict and he's had no contact with her since childhood, he was raised by his grandparents while his dad lived downstairs.
SIL remained in the custody of their mother, and she is the one who introduced SIL to heroin, at around 13 years old. DP was also molested by his older half brother, who mostly lived with SIL, and their mother.
SIL had regular visits with their father. DP thinks that SIL must be confused about who assaulted her, or that she was making it up to get sympathy.
Now my concern is- Do I trust FIL around my 18 month old DD? He and his new wife have been pushing to babysit, and I don't know that I can trust him?
Another thing concerning me- DP last night said to me that he doesn't think he loves DD
He acknowledged that he is very messed up, and that he's aware that the reason he doesn't love her is because of his childhood, but he said he doesn't want to think about the real reason. I suggested we go through counselling, but he refuses.
Playing on the back of my mind is also the statistics in regards to abused becoming abusers- I sometimes wonder if DP is capable of such a thing.
If you've read through this, thanks. Even if nobody has any advice or thoughts, it feels good just typing it and getting it out of my mind and on paper!