Teenage sex

**Phyllis Stein** · 20-02-2010 17:41

What do you think about it?

In light of another thread that mentioned how many parents are against teenage bf/ gf sleepovers, I'm wondering what people think about teenage sex, in general. Is it inherently harmful, or can it be made safe/r.

I'm also wondering, if you really wanted to have sex as a teen, was there anything anyone could do to stop you? And if you did have sex, was it ever in less than safe/ ideal places, such as in cars or strangers houses?

*The poll is multi-choice*

**MummaBear03** · 20-02-2010 17:46

I chose option 2

**Fuchsia!** · 20-02-2010 17:48

I think we have to give our children the tools to make the best possible decisions. Make sure they are aware of safe sex but most importantly that they have self respect and respect others.

As a mother of boys I will make sure my boys are taught to respect women. I hope that i will drum into them the importance of safe sex and the consequences of what sex involves.

I personally think that when they want to do it, they will do it. I remember being a teenager and noone could have stopped me, and if they tried i would have wanted it more and I will bear this in mind with my children.

I had a lot of respect for myself when i was a teenager and i was actually teased for being "friget" because I once told a boy that below my waist it was forbidden. I got teased really bad because the boy went and told everyone and everyone called me "Forbidden" And at the time I guess I was embarrassed because all my friends were losing their virginity but I also didn't care because I told myself that i would wait until i was 16yrs before i lost my virginity and I ended up waiting till i was almost 17yrs old.

I believe it was because my parents taught me to have self respect and to be confident in my decisions. They never pushed me and told me i couldn't do this or that but respected that i would be smart enough to make my own decisions.

So I thank them for that i hope i will be able to do this with my boys.

I think it can be harmful if they aren't prepared. If i found out my boys were having sex, i will make sure they are aware of safe sex and i would supply them with all the info they need and a huge box of condoms.

**WorkingClassMum** · 20-02-2010 17:48

I figure I can't stop my kids having sex before I am ready for it, so I better get ready.

My kids (6 & 8) know the very basics of human conception and sex and puberty.

I figure that by teaching and talking to them young, we'll open the lines of communication and therefore by the time puberty hits , I'm hoping I am ready.

I want them to know the facts, the pitfalls and about protection. I am also trying to teach them self respect and morals and respect for others.

I don't think sex is inherently bad, but there are minefields and pitfalls like STD's, unplanned pregnancy, reputations, respect and self-respect and personal safety that we can safely negotiate

**Phyllis Stein** · 20-02-2010 17:52

Thanks for the responses so far. I'm getting DS down, BBL to discuss.

**Crazyfamily** · 20-02-2010 17:57

i voted that no one could have stopped me having sex as a teenager. but in saying that it doesnt mean i willmake it easy for my teenagers either. I do have son who is 19 and he came and told me he was thinking about it with his gf of 9 months and then told me when he did. He also talks to me when there are any problems regarding sex. I dont think we can stop out kids but we can eduacte them and not "allow" it. I believe there needs to be some safety around it all. As i said in another thread my partners dd went away with a 17 yr old boy (she is 14) and no one knew his dad at all or what kind of morals, beliefs and rules he has. that in my opinion is just asking for trouble.

**delirium** · 20-02-2010 18:02

i don't think it's inherently harmful, but other factors make it so. Boys pressuring, the media that glamourises it, STD's, when one or both teens have self esteem issues and feel the need to have sex so someone 'loves' them

i voted that nothing anyone could have done would of changed me having sex. I was really young when i lost my virginity. I was pretty mature though and certainly wasn't pushed into it by any guy, I often was the instigator

.

But upon deeper reflection I do think something could of been done. For all my maturity, I was damaged goods, raised in a house of alcoholism and DV and a mother who was emotionally and physically abusive. I wanted to feel loved, special, grown up, I wanted to remove myself from my life.

My mother gave me the birds and the bees talk at about 6. She was open about the processes of sex and periods etc, but only in principle. If it involved ME and sex, she would turn crazy and I soon learned to not discuss anything with her.

Gee, that was long, sorry. I'm just writing as I'm thinking. I think parents have to 1)create a happy environment where the teen (especially girls) don't feel the need to gain affection elsewhere and 2)that they can talk about their own sexual experiences in a healthy way.

**MimiGrace** · 20-02-2010 18:05

i don't think its inherently wrong for teenagers to be having sex.

And while i'm sure that if i had decided i WAS going to have sex, nothing could have swayed my mind...i didn't, so i chose that there were things that they could do - simply because whatever my mother did to stop me having sex, clearly worked

That said, i think education is the key. I would rather have my teenage children having their sleepovers under my room, than 'somewhere random' *shudder* - because there isn't really much i could do to stop them once they have their minds set to it. I can just hope that ihave given them all the tools they need to make the right choices for themselves, and try to keep the lines of communication open so they feel comfortable telling me things

**Pippi Longstocking** · 20-02-2010 18:11

I think that we as parents need to be mindful about the issue from when our children are babies. We need to raise them in such a way as to equip them with the skills to make safe choices.
I have kept an open dialogue with my children about issues to do with sex. I have instilled in them the belief that they are valuable, worthy of respect and have autonomy over their bodies.
If teenagers respect themselves, their bodies and have a good clear understanding of how STDs are contracted and how to avoid them, and how reproduction works and how to avoid it, then no, consensual teen sex is not inherently harmful.

**RedPanda** · 20-02-2010 18:11

I don't think it's wrong. I was raised with a fair bit of strictness (almost shame) about sex. It didn't stop me doing it - all it did was create feelings of guilt and shame that took some time to shake off as an adult. If my children end up sleeping around as teenagers, I'd be concerned about safety obviously, but I'd also be worried about whether it was self-esteem issues that led to those decisions.

I plan to educate my children about safety precautions and not be naive and assume they're not having sex. I hope to give them the honesty about my teen choices that I wasn't given by my parents so they can avoid shame and guilt. However, I'll also be urging them to take sex seriously and not view it as a hobby or something to be entered into lightly.