Been talking to someone very close to me about how her husband has been raping her in her sleep...and possibly drugging her as well.
I want to support her in any way I can. And it needs to be led by her. I'm having a very hard time though...and I'm torn between two very valid opinions.
Obviously I'm putting the idea of reporting the rapes forward to her. It's not been taken very well though (which is ok) but I need help in understanding her mind set.
She says she doesn't want to report it because of the trauma it would cause her and her family (understandable). And she feels that it's unfair because she will continue to be punished for this man's actions no matter what she does. If she reports it, she loses. If she doesn't, she still loses anyway, because she's already been violated.
Another reason for her hesitation is that she cares enough about her husband (not love) to not want him to go to prison. She doesn't feel that it would be a good place for him and it wouldn't do any good anyway...would just destroy his life.
When I mention the freedom he will have now, to hurt other women he might hook up with, she shakes her head and says she can't think about some imaginary woman that may or maynot exist in the future, and that her only thoughts are for her own mental health and her family's well being.
I'm having a hard time with this because I can see both sides. She's right! The turmoil that will be caused by a long drawn out case, if she reports it....how her life will be pulled apart and hung up for the world to see...her shame...her children's shame etc But I know I'm right too in that he could hurt other women he feels he has 'possession' of.
So my question is....is reporting things like rape and abuse etc really that theaputic for the victim in the long run? What do they gain from this apart from the shame and humiliation? And does justice really help in the grand scheme of things? (for the victim)