Need Some Encouragement

**millersmum** · 28-07-2006 19:49

Hi guys,
To cut a very long story short I became a christian nearly 3 yrs ago after a very traumatic time of being ex-communicated from my mum's church ( or should I say cult). Being ex-communicate meant that my mum and my sisters would no longer talk to me even though they wanted to because it is against their faith. At this time I was going through a divorce also and bring up an 18 month old so it was very traumatic. I eventually married again and we both became christians and it is only with the support of God and the church that I have coped through the pain . I now have two more children but since the birth of my last child 4 months ago I feel like I have lost my trust in God. My first son to my second marriage never slept and screamed constantly, has numerous allergies as well as ceoliac disease (gluten intolerance). This has been verying trying as I have no family support. having my 3rd child was where I handed it all over to God and prayed for a settled healthy baby that would be able to fit into our family. I do not cope well staying at home and was planning to take bub to work with me at our church as I have been working as the pastors PA as well as studying counselling. Bub was born in April and after two great weeks we have not had one days rest. He has severe allergies, is on a prescription formula, still has extreme colic and reflux after 4 and a half months and he needs constant attention. I love him to death but with no help and two other children to care for who are not coping with the constant screaming I have constantly cried out to God for help. I have no hope of going to work at the church or study as bubs is unable to travel happily in the car let alone sleep in a normal routine. Why has God let me go through so much. I feel like I was just starting to trust him and now I don't know where he is. Why can't I be allowed to enjoy motherhood? I guess I just need some encouragement after 4 and a half long months of hoping things would get easier..........

**Funkychicken** · 28-07-2006 19:57

to you. It sounds like you are doing it tough right now. I don't have any advice except to say that I believe God never gives us any more than we can handle. If he believes you can do this, then you can.
All the best

.

**Hokey Pokey** · 28-07-2006 20:21

Just want to send you some

I can't answer your q's but I know how you feel, I have asked myself the same q's. But I do know that what we conquer makes us stronger and better.

**Saraswati** · 28-07-2006 21:17

This kind of stress will send the best of us totally insane. Try to take it moment by moment - just get through each day the best way you can and if thinking about your faith is making you feel worse then maybe put it to one side for now and focus only on the stuff you can actually deal with in a practical sense.
My first baby had terrible reflux and basically screamed non stop for 12 weeks solid. It nearly killed me. The only thing worse was my second baby who had colic (never thought anything could be worse than reflux but I reckon colic is!!) and we averaged about 2 hours sleep a night for 2 months. Life gets fuzzy and nothing seems good anymore when you're under that much stress.

Just remember there are people out there who've been through it or are going through it and totally understand your pain. And most importantly keep reminding yourself that IT WILL GET BETTER. Just focus on one day at a time and the clouds will start lifting.

Lots of hugs to you.

**kymmy** · 29-07-2006 13:49

Originally Posted by pippy

This kind of stress will send the best of us totally insane. Try to take it moment by moment - just get through each day the best way you can and if thinking about your faith is making you feel worse then maybe put it to one side for now and focus only on the stuff you can actually deal with in a practical sense.
. Life gets fuzzy and nothing seems good anymore when you're under that much stress.

Just remember there are people out there who've been through it or are going through it and totally understand your pain. And most importantly keep reminding yourself that IT WILL GET BETTER. Just focus on one day at a time and the clouds will start lifting.

Lots of hugs to you.

This is true. We all go through our trials and I think its normal your faith has been tested. This is how I am feeling in a way. I feel unloved and confused. It is hard to think when you have so much stress. As Pippy has said take one day at a time, its all you can do.
I feel saddened that you are unable to enjoy motherhood. As mothers we are expected to just keep at it for the sake of the family. But the truth is if mum isn't happy then the family isn't happy. My plan is to take a few moments each day to just do nothing - no noise, no distractions, no stress. It may be only be a small thing but I believe out of small things great things happen.

**Saraswati** · 29-07-2006 16:27

Originally Posted by kymmy

But the truth is if mum isn't happy then the family isn't happy. My plan is to take a few moments each day to just do nothing - no noise, no distractions, no stress. It may be only be a small thing but I believe out of small things great things happen.

Totally agree. On the days I manage to discipline myself to do this, I find it invaluable. Even just 10 minutes helps. No doing, just BEING.

**Loving_mumma** · 29-07-2006 16:28

My heart goes out to you my dear friend. It's not easy.
But Heavenly Father loves you so much! He hears you even when it feels like he's not.
I honestly don't know what to say except hang in there! I wish that I could take your pain away.
I take comfort in this little statement, "A child will never cry itself to death!" (Although sometimes it seems your baby will)
if you feel overwhelmed sometimes, maybe you could just stand still and focus on your breathing for a few seconds and think of a time when you were really happy. Try to block out all the sounds and think of calm thoughts...Or what ever works for you. I know it's easy for me to sit here and give advice.
Just remember...Never doubt your Heavenly Father. He knows every thought and pain you suffer. I believe that everything we go through is to help us grow, these long nights will make you stronger and maybe better enable you to help another.

I send all my love your way! Stand tall! Always remember you are a special, strong daughter of God!

**millersmum** · 30-07-2006 19:31

Thanks guys for your kinds words and thoughts. I think I know deep down that God really cares about my pain but I am only just surviving through each day and I haven't got enough brain space to understand why God is allowing me to go through so much. Miller's crying has been getting worse so I trialed him on some Mylanta today and it helped so I guess we need to keep trying to treat his acid reflux ( if only it were that easy).

I will try and make some time for me and just be. "Being" is not my best attribute I have to work on it I'm much more a doer. I recently read a book called "Captivating" which emphasised the importance of 'being". I really learnt from it that I try and earn appreciation, love and acceptance which is so wrong, and I need to allow God to love me for who I am not what I do.

Well, I'm off to have some me time. Will keep you posted.

**Funkychicken** · 30-07-2006 19:41

Hi again Millersmum. I'm glad you are making some headway with your bub's reflux. Hopefully that will help you a bit.
I know this may sound hard, but you don't need to know or understand why God is allowing you to go through this. Only that he trusts that you will be able to get through it. Also, god makes each and every one of us perfect in his eyes-you are already that person, you do not need to earn this acceptance. If you doubt that you are already perfect you are doubting him. I find this helps me when I am doubting myself. If I hand it over it is no longer something that I can be stuck on.

to you. Hang in there.

**millersmum** · 02-08-2006 17:19

Started Miller on a drug called Losec yesterday as he has been getting worse. I desperately hope it takes his pain away. Had a visit from the Pastor's wife today and am feeling like I am being told I am focusing on the negative and that lots of people have got it far worse than me. I am not disputing that and I know I have been blessed in so many areas of my life, I just want to take my little boys pain away and some sleep wouldn't go astray. Hubby stayed home from work today as we were holding Miller from 9pm to 6am straight. I am totally stuffed. Things will get better I know.