playground again:)

**gotmilk** · 25-01-2010 22:18

Dear Ladies,
Just wondering when do people expect that baby understands that they have to take turns on swings and so on?

also if my bub took someone's toy do I just offer our toy to a child or try to reason my own bub to give it back (so far it is a bit hard)? I mean if other child does not cry or anything is it good enough to ask to use their toy and offer ours instead? or not really?
it is hard to explain to my little one anything

but I do not want to upset other little ones and their mums

**ManekiNeko** · 25-01-2010 22:51

I have always taught DD from an early age sharing is important. I make her hop of the swings for someone else to have a turn or I make her give the toy back if she doesn't I give it back myself even if tears are involved. I guess I think now at 3 and a half all the consistenc has paid off. She becomes better at sharing everyday and I believe you can't lame a child for not sharing if you don't teach them to share. Sometimes we still have a little bit of tears or protest but not as bad as before. I also like to distract her like oh why don't we try the slide instead or here you can have this toy and they have that one or even take turns.

**Cordelia** · 25-01-2010 22:55

Whilst your baby might be too young to understand, I guess you are responsible for being the "manners' and demonstrating polite behaviour.

Swings - I always make sure my kid ahs a decent go (a few minutes) and then we count down from 10 swings until they have to get off and I say all this out loud so the person waiting (or more their parent!) is also fully aware that I fully intend to give them a shot once my child has had a fair go.

Taking other's people's toys is snatching to me. Each to their own!! I would physically take it off my child and say "johnny was playign with his toy" and then use some kind of distraction (another toy or FOOD - that's naughty!!) to take the focus off them not getting their own way.

You don't have to explain anything - just a quick sentence. It's more like you are teaching and demonstrating appropriate social behaviour.

I just think everyone is more happy when normal polite behaviour is observed. And if that becomes a normal pattern of behaviour with your child then it will be easier when the toddler behaviour starts coming out of it's shell!!!!

**gotmilk** · 25-01-2010 23:21

Thank you

got it - never take other kids toys, always take it away from my bub once she takes it and give it back

with swings we would count

**guerin** · 27-01-2010 08:09

I personally think that there seems to be a trend of parents worrying too much when their children cry. Yes be concerned if they have fallen over or if someone has been mean to them, but if they snatch a toy and you take it off them for doing so. Let them cry, don't give in as the crying is just frustration. My DD would snatch toys of others and I would take it off her, give it back to the other child and tell her "No snatching, so and so was playing with that you can play with and point out her options".

I realised something with my DD and I wonder if others have. That is when I put her in time out or I remove something she shouldn't have if she starts to give the "anger cry" it is a good thing. This is when it is really starting to sink in, the lesson, and she is giving it the hard push to get what she wants. I used to worry about that thinking it is making it worse, until I realised the truth. Stick to your guns, this is the point it is sinking in and they realise your serious.
But basically if she snatches a toy then take it off her and give it to the child she snatched it from, offer her something else to play with but if she wishes to have a tanty - let her.

**lotti** · 27-01-2010 08:16

When you do these things. Like get off the swing or give a toy back or ANYTHING that your baby might not understand and get upset, use distraction...so just be ready to go to something else (go look at a dog, another piece of play equipment etc).

**Hootenanny** · 27-01-2010 08:25

Really depends on the age, for babies under about 18 months it really is about mum facilitating their play, with the swings noticing if others want a turn and counting down is a great idea and if they are upset at getting off, distract them with something else.
With toys at that age I usually take the lead of the other child/mum if they are upset or want the toy back I would distract my child with something else and give the toy back, but if they are fine I usually offer them something and make it more of a sharing experience. I also model the right words such as please and thankyou. As they get older you can begin to reason with them and explain that the toy belongs to someone else and they need to ask to share.
I try and avoid situations where a big deal is made over whose toy it is because then not only do they get upset over not having it but they also learn to be very protective of their own toys and the cycle continues.

**gotmilk** · 28-01-2010 00:55

Thank you All
yes, I am not very good at taking her cry
and she hardly cries unless she is hurting or very hungry so there is something wrong when she does...
if I take a toy away from her she starts to protest making unhappy, loud noise at me

(“give it to me” noise) and she can not get it now why I am doing so

...so I am using a distraction and I hope she would get it eventually

meanwhile I am trying to avoid the situation when she might take someone's else toy...
I thought it was acceptable to offer other child a replacement toy (if it is o’k with the child of course) but if not acceptable I just try to prevent it
I was thinking that we can bring a toy so she can play with other kids without taking their toys (like playing a ball) but it is hard for other kids as my DD does not walk yet so she still plays with me most of the time

...
When she sees toys laying around she just crawls to them and grabs them…so when I see toys I won’t let her near for now

It turned out not that hard so far because she is still easily fascinated by leaves, birds and so on…however for some reasons her own toys are not interesting for her

**Raising Leprechauns** · 29-01-2010 15:57

Originally Posted by gotmilk

When she sees toys laying around she just crawls to them and grabs them…so when I see toys I won’t let her near for now

I'm never bothered about other kids touching my kids toys (unless they are snatched out of their hands) especially if its a little baby. Teaches my kids to share their stuff too. Maybe just assess the situation (and the Mum) each time and use your own judgement!

**gotmilk** · 29-01-2010 23:24

Originally Posted by amanda71

I'm never bothered about other kids touching my kids toys (unless they are snatched out of their hands) especially if its a little baby. Teaches my kids to share their stuff too. Maybe just assess the situation (and the Mum) each time and use your own judgement!

same here
unless the toy was taken from my DD hands I won't mind at all
plus she is still little and when it happens she would start screaming so loud

so any parent would notice and return it back to her right away

without me even asking (it happened a couple of times in a pool as I take her ball there)
she does not cry but she is a very loud baby

but I think if someone gets upset over it (her playing with someone' else toy) I do not want to be rude...I mean in case they did not say anything to me but get annoyed with me/with my DD

so we just keep away