HELP!!! I am really struggling!

**211109 mojo** · 10-01-2010 14:19

I am having difficulties with breastfeeding. From the beginning my breastfeeding experience has been a real challenge. I was in the ICU for the first 3 days of bubs life and then bub was in the special care nursery for a full week. Bub (now 6 weeks old) was very big and required alot of milk and as I was in the ICU i was unable to fully breastfeed so he was given formula. When we went home I exclusivley gave him breast milk and EBM. At his first checkup with the Paed's I was immediatly told that i had to start topping up with formula because he wasn't gaining enough weight. I basically spend all day everyday breastfeeding (he only cat naps) and then at night usually break and give him a bottle of either EBM or formula. I despratley want to breastfeed but he is never truely satisfied on Breastmilk from the breast. Bub also needs to be continuously stimulated to suck. I have been doing everything the books, magazines, lactation consultants and aba have told me to do but it just doesn't seem to be working for me. To make matters worse I feel like some of the ABA ladies (not everyone has been so judgemental) and lactation consultants have made me feel like a bad mother and a failure. I know Breast milk is best that why I am trying so bloody hard. I already feel guilty enough as it is with out the breast feeding nazi's making me feel worse. I am trying to do what is best for my baby is that wrong?

**miakat** · 10-01-2010 14:38

to you first of all.

Breastfeeding isn't easy for everyone - it hasn't been for me either. It is a relationship that takes 2 to make it work and in my case I was willing and able but DS had a weak suck and poor tone, wasn't gaining enough weight etc so for the first 3 months all I did was feed, express and top him up with EBM and spend the rest of the time doing oral/facial stimulation exercises. It really took its toll. But now he seems to have improved and it is better.

Why does your DS need to be stimulated to suck? Is he sleepy or jaundiced? How long does he usually feed for? Does it feel like he is draining the breast?

Sorry can't offer much help except to say maybe give it a bit longer to see if things improve - the first 6 weeks are usually the hardest and things generally improve. There are others who probably have better advice than me but just wanted to pop in and say I know how hard it can be.

**Lateralus** · 11-01-2010 09:06

Hi Mojo - firstly big hugs to you.... You are doing a great job!! Your Bub is luck to have such a committed mummy! Its such a shame that you feel like you have been judged by LCs & people from the ABA - they should know more than anyone how difficult it can be and how sensitive you will be to anything that has a hint of criticism!

as Miakat said - it does get easier! I had loads of problems with supply and a fussy baby and spent basically the 3 months of her life feeding & expressing every 2 hours! She is now 11 months old and we are enjoying a great BF relationship!

I don't know where abouts you live but I know a fantastic LC on the far north coast of NSW.. She may even do a phone consult for you....

Good luck hun xoxo

**chntlrose** · 12-01-2010 17:57

Hi There, just wanted to know I can sympathise with the constant feeding. My bub was feeding 2 hourly day and night & at 3 mths has just started pushing out his night feeds to 3 hourly but still feeds heaps during the day. It's hard and you want to enjoy the breastfeeding experience but when bub is never off the boob you can't enjoy it much. I have a toddler aswell so it really takes it's toll.

As other PPs have said, the first 6 weeks are the hardest and then it starts to get better - slowly. You've probably heard all this before since you have spoken to ABA and LCs but your breasts are never fully empty. Do you swap sides when he has finished one side? You can also put him back to the first side and his sucking will promote another let down. Also, while it seems he is more satisfied after a bottle, it's mainly because it's a lot easier for bub to get the milk from the bottle than the breast so they tend to drain bottled milk a lot quicker and easier.

Sorry I can't be of more help but just know you're not alone. You can also go to the ABA website. They have a forum of very understanding ladies. I've not seen them judge anyone yet and they are very helpful. They might have some more specific advice.

Good luck.

**3'llhavetodo** · 12-01-2010 18:03

I have no real advice other than to say just follow your instincts. If you are not happy with the advice from one GP/DR/MW/LC etc see another... and another... and another til you are.

Also ignore the judgemental so and so's you are doing the best for you and bubs

ETA: Have you tried making lactation cookies or other lactation boosting tricks.

**UmmInayah** · 12-01-2010 20:02

i agree.. keep changing lactation consultants until you find one you mesh with.

i was lucky and found one straight off the bat. she was extremely supportive of me and when the second bub came around and i called her she gave me free advice on the phone! she is absolutely gorgeous. i love my lc lol

but i have heard some horror stories from people who have requested assistance from an lc. some of them can be very judgemental and pushy and not understand your whole situation (like being a new mum etc..) so it's very important you find someone you know you can trust and lean on whenever you need it, rather than hesitate to call them because you're afraid they'll jump down your throat.

**SpottySocks** · 12-01-2010 21:06

Around 6 weeks bubs often have a growth spurt and they want to feed a lot - can feel like it's continuous when you are breastfeeding!

Also you say he isn't gaining enough weight - but is he gaining some? If so then try not to stress too much, my DD3 weighed 10lbs at birth and within the first week lost more than the nurses in hospital were happy with, but she was feeding and had plenty of wet and dirty nappies. Over the next 6 weeks her weight gain was slow, but she was gaining. Fortunately I had a very sensible CHN who reassured me that as long as she was feeding ok, and gaining some weight along with the wet and dirty nappies that all was ok.

Sending you lots of

The first 3 months are hard enough but when you've had a rocky start then it can all seem too hard. Do what is best for you and your baby, I am pro breastfeeding but if it isn't working and you'd be happier with bub on the bottle then you shouldn't carry any guilt because you have done the best you can.

goodluck!

**211109 mojo** · 13-01-2010 16:22

Hi Ladies. Thank you all so much for being so understanding. I feel better already just hearing/reading the lovely messages you have all spent the time to write. Unfortunatly i had to have my appendix out in emergency surgery on Monday so I'm now expressing full time until I come off antibiotics and pain medication so bub is having formula at the moment. Hopefully my supply will keep up and bub will back on the breast soon. I have come this far so I wont give up with out a fight. Thanks again.