Could you live away from your kids?

**nothanksbye** · 07-01-2010 11:33

A friend of mine has just given custody over to her ex.

She has met a new man and he is from norway , so she is moving.
Her ex is a great dad and prepared to be sole carer. Her DD is 3.

I just cant even imagine how hard it would be.

But she says it will make her happy and therefore a better parent.

But what are the choices? what else could she do?

Just thought it was an interesting and difficult choice and wondered how others would feel or other pov's.

AM · 07-01-2010 11:36

I could NEVER do it. I cannot get my head around the fact that my ex is quite happy to only see his sons for a few hours a week...

I would die if I did not see my kids every day without fail.

**Nomsie** · 07-01-2010 11:36

Nope I couldn't.

The guy would have to come here, or I would just live without him.

I couldn't possibly live without my boys. But I suspect that is because I have been their sole carer since day dot- DP helps in his own way, but I feed, clothe, change, put to sleep, clean etc etc.

They are always with me... and I just couldn't live without them.

ETA: See sig? They are my life lol!

***Chels*** · 07-01-2010 11:43

No way!!I havent even spent a NIGHT away from my kids!!I am going away for a girls weekend for 2 whole nights in March,I am gonna miss them sooo much,and worried they will be Ok without me!!!
Of course,I trust my husband completely,and he is totally capable to look after them,but no way if we ever split up,I could move COUNTRIES without them!!!
No way,now way,no way!!!!

**Areca** · 07-01-2010 11:45

I couldn't do it personally but I do know people who have and they have still maintained a loving relationship with their child/ren.

**Annabella** · 07-01-2010 11:49

No could never ever live away from them, I think I would seriously struggle with 50/50 custody if we split up.

No offense to your friend, I'm sure she has her reasons for doing what she is doing and I don't want to judge her, but I don't get how its going to make her a batter parent if she's not actually there? Like its not as if she is going to have her on weekends or anything, the contact they have will be minimal being that far away.

One of my friends mum's left the dad and kids when we were about 15, she was the oldest of 3. The fact that her mum chose to leave her (as well as the dad) was SHATTERING for all the kids, I know they were older, and its a bit different, but it has taken years to rebuild their relationship, its still a work in progress 15 years later, especially with the girls.

I feel sorry for your friend coz I don't think she is aware of the long term effect being left by a parent can have on their relationship with the child.

**moozle** · 07-01-2010 11:51

There is NO WAY I could do it. I couldn't survive the night without my DS.

Is she a bad parent? I'm really confused? How could she even consider doing this? Of course she has options. Why can't this guy come over here and live with her? As far as I'm concened, when you are with somone who has children, it's part of your responsibility to take them on as well as the person you love. It's all part of the package. How on earth can it possibly make her a better parent?! Only if she was terrible to begin with as she wont be in the life of her daughter

Very sad and selfish in my opinion... unless her daughter truely is better off without her and if she can just walk out of her life like this, then maybe she is?

**nothanksbye** · 07-01-2010 11:54

he cant live here. He has over stayed his visa and now has a 3 year ban.

**TurnedBatty** · 07-01-2010 11:56

I have often said how I feel stuck living where we are now, like there is no freedom to move. SS is twenty minutes one way, BS is twenty minutes the other! So we are right between both their other houses.

However I know a time will come when BS will probably want to live with his Dad, especially if they do move to Canberra. Not for a while though! H ewould have to be a teenager!

I do believe though that it depends who is moving. I dont think its right to jump up and move and take the kid/s with you, leaving the other parent behind. I think the person who moves (far away obviously, not just one town away) should be the person who gives up custody. I think your friend is right in that instance, but I wouldnt move in the first place.....

**SassyMummy** · 07-01-2010 12:00

I don't see how it could make anyone a better parent. Moving overseas makes you an absent parent, not a better one.

I think it's a cop out tbh.

I say this as the mother of a child who has lost her father in a similar way - he's moved overseas to be with a girl, thus abandoning our daughter.