Older Mum needs some advice

**FlowerPower** · 14-08-2005 17:28

Hi

My name is Wendy and I am mum to a DD 3yrs old. I am 36 yrs old and work part time. I am feeling a little lost - am I the only one who finds it hard to make new friends. Most of my friends do not have children and I have joined mothers groups etc. I always seem to be the oldest. Am I just feeling down on myself?

Sorry to ask such a zappy question.

Wendy

**draught** · 14-08-2005 19:02

Wendy
I am the same age with a two year old and a ten month old and also work part-time. I was very lucky in my mother's group in another state when DD1 was born - I was the middle of the age range of first time mums (at 34). There was no one under 30 - it was great! We moved to Qld when she was 6 months old and I have also been lucky in finding a handful of friends up here who are similar ages to me with kids the same age. Having said that though, I often feel quite isolated too and suspect it is not an age thing but is a having kids and working thing - it feels like there is never enough time to see people and it is always impossible to have a proper conversation with a toddler wanting to be part of everything and a baby wanting to climb everything!
I don't think you are down on yourself though - this forum is enough to highlight for me that there are a lot of people out there with babies who do consider us to be "older"parents even if we don't! I met people through swimming lessons and gym for tots classes - have you tried those sort of things to find people of similar ages?

And don't worry about a zappy question - this a great forum for finding people for support and to discuss life, the universe and babies!

**meshan** · 15-08-2005 13:12

Hi Wendy - no you are not the only one!!!! I am 36 and have a 2.8 year old and a 2 month old. I somtimes feel that I am socially inempt as I find it difficult to make new friends. I worked part-time until I had my second bub and it was hard to fit social activities around work, I had to give up mothers group and playgroup etc. I have just started back at those things and find it helps, just chatting to adults makes you feel better. Friendships take time to develope so you have keep going out and making the effort.

I feel having kids has dented my confidence in social situations a bit. I know it sounds silly but I feel I have less to talk about when all my life is housework, kids etc.

Anyway I would love to chat whenever you are feeling lonely!!!! You can PM me your email if you like.

**Chickadee** · 15-08-2005 13:59

Oh dear. I've just realised I must be an "older" mum at 34

I don't feel old, except when my knees creak after being down on them playing with dd for too long (horsey rides on vinyl floors are gonna kill me!!).

I tend to agree with other posts here. It seems to be a combination of being a bit older as well as working that can make us feel isolated from other mums. It's hard, on my days off, going to the park and watching other mums in pairs or 3's all chatting happily together because they're there nearly every day or in mother's groups together. But, at the same time, DD is going on 2 and just starting to get interested in playing around other kids (not with, just around) and so it's becoming easier to approach and chat with other parents at the park as our children interact.

All I can suggest is to keep trying other mother's groups until you find one you feel comfortable with. Hit the local parks and indoor playgyms, swimming lessons, toddler "dance" classes (often relatively cheap at community centres). And don't be afraid to strike up a conversation. I think there are alot of mums in the same situation, and if we all sit on the sidelines and no one makes the first move we're going to remain alone!

**starryangel** · 02-09-2005 23:00

I too am one of the older mums and am finding it hard to find people that want to interact with an older mum I am 43 and have a 8 month old daughter, I also have a very grown up 16 year old daughter. I live in Bracken Ridge so if there are any other mums that would like to chat that would be great

**kaydensmum** · 03-09-2005 12:00

Hi there starry angel, i am also 43 with a 10 mth old, my eldest being 23!! I would love to catch up with u and compare notes but unfortunately it wood b a bit to far to travel for a coffee as I live in Melbourne. Do you go to a mothers group??? My sister lives in Rockhampton & she had never heard of them. I guess ime one of the 'lucky' ones as i have quite a few friends in the 36 and over age group - me being the oldest by far!!!
Anyway, I would love to chat, you can pm me if you like or if you are interested, I can give you my messenger address!!!! Your so lucky - i bet the weather is glorious up there at the moment

Carole.

**razzle** · 03-09-2005 12:06

I'm 36 and haven't joined any mother's groups - they're all way too young where I live! They all seem to be teen mums and I have absolutely NOTHING in common with them!!

We're moving back to Melbourne next year (yay! civilisation!) so hopefully I'll be able to meet more mums my own age! Carole - perhaps we can catch up for coffee then? My in-laws live in Mt Waverley and we're looking around there for a house - not too far from you in Forest Hill...

**kaydensmum** · 03-09-2005 14:25

Sounds great! I am always up for a coffee and a chat and mt. waverley isn't that far away, we used to live in syndal - like i said i have been extremely fortunate with my mothers group. Initially i wasn't going to go (because of my age) but my mchn talked me into it

. I think the yougest mum is 30 - the rest in their 30's and we are all located very close to each other.

Carole.

**peterpan** · 03-09-2005 21:39

Originally Posted by FlowerPower

Hi

My name is Wendy and I am mum to a DD 3yrs old. I am 36 yrs old and work part time. I am feeling a little lost - am I the only one who finds it hard to make new friends. Most of my friends do not have children and I have joined mothers groups etc. I always seem to be the oldest. Am I just feeling down on myself?

Sorry to ask such a zappy question.

Wendy

Hi wendy, I'm 35 and a first time mother to peter who is 3mth and like you i find it hard to make friends i also live in brisbane you can e mail me if you like at amw70@dodo.com.au
Take care
Angela

**jasminesmum** · 14-09-2005 14:53

Hi everyone,
This is my first time on bub hub.I too am an older mum.My oldest son is 15,I have a 7yr old son and have just had a darling daughter in April.
We just moved 8 wks before I was due so havent made any friends where we are now.
I find it hard running older kids around and trying to fit in sleeps and feeds for baby.
Hope to make some friends and have adult conversation for a change.

Michelle