Do you feel your kids miss out?

**faroutbrusselsprout** · 31-12-2009 10:34

Another thread I started about having a big family made me realise that alot of people really didn't enjoy being one of 4 or 5 or 6..
People felt they missed out on time with their parents, experiences etc
Ideally I would love 4 kids but I am now starting to wonder if that may be somewhat selfish?
Financially we could do it, and we have a great family network.
If I just stick with the two I have now though, I could provide them with so much; travel, education, holidays, one on one time etc, yet I would always have the yearning for another baby (or two!)
Do you feel that your kids, as part of a large family, miss out on anything?
Is the love of a big family enough, or do you need the finances and resources to back it up?

**anewme** · 31-12-2009 10:50

No I don't feel my kids miss out. Yes they don't have every new fancy toy but even if I was a millionaire They still wouldn't.

They get one on one time every month on their mummy/daddy date. There is more than enough love from everyone.
I had a only child for six years and I know my kids are much better off with lots of brother and sisters.

I hope this helps.

**bgbgbb** · 31-12-2009 10:57

DH and I often say that if we had stopped at 2 our lives would be much easier. We could afford to go back to visit his family in Europe more often (even if we could afford it now, the thought of taking 4-6 kids on a 24 hour flight terrifies me!) We could afford to eat out more often. People (including my family) would have us over more often because we're not as crazy noisy. We could go on holiday every year & take advantage of the specials that never seem on offer for families with more than 3 kids. And our house would not be too small in a couple of years, necessitating a great outlay of cash to either move or extend.

But when I hear the 4 of them playing hide and seek in the house, or playing involved games in our back-yard, I am happy that we have a large family. True, I mightn't have as much time to spend with them than if I had 2 kids, but they also learn to entertain themselves more, rather than come to me for entertainment. When I see my eldest practising his reading by reading a book to his 3 younger siblings, it brings a proud smile to my face. They are not shy and they interact well socially as they are used to living in a social environment.

I was 1 of 2 and my sister and I dont get on. My mother was always playing us off against one another, and made it quite obvious that I was not her favourite. I haven't the time to have a favourite. They are all my favourite, so there are no jealous streaks.

I'll never regret my decision to have a large family as for me, the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives.

**Ffrenchknickers** · 31-12-2009 11:01

I definitely have to always be aware of everyone's needs and spending one on one time with all four of mine. It is something I have to conciously think about EVERYDAY

I definitely don't think I could do it if I was to work, I have made raising them my fulltime thing and that works for us.

We plan to have one more which will make 5

Boygirlboygirl.....I was just watching my 4 playing hide and seek this morning

It was lovely, my eldest (9 was carrying the 1 year old around so he could play to. It is moments like that that make me LOVE having a bigger family.

**anewme** · 31-12-2009 11:08

Originally Posted by Ffrenchstar

I definitely don't think I could do it if I was to work, I have made raising them my fulltime thing and that works for us.

There wouldn't be enough hours in the day if I had to work full time too.

**sweetseven** · 31-12-2009 11:17

My kids dont miss out being part of a large family. They've only missed out when external concerns caused problems, such as continuously having to move house.

I felt that I missed out as a child, through lack of siblings. I loved it when my cousins were close and we would play together. However, when it was just us, I only had my brother who was 4 years older and didn't want to play with his annoying little sister. (Sometimes he would take me to the park, or play a boardgame with me, but for the most part, he had other things to do.)

**kezzaskids** · 31-12-2009 11:19

My 5 get everything they need and want! And they live in a ready made support network and ''village'' . I wish we could have more children !

**Ffrenchknickers** · 31-12-2009 11:21

I'm like you Sweetseven, i feel like I missed out only having one sister growing up.....and we weren't close AT ALL - I don't feel our parents really fostered that closeness in us....also, I haven't got a single cousin

I think that is part of the reason having more kids appeals to me.

**Sheer Bliss** · 31-12-2009 11:30

I was one of 4 growing up and LOVED always having someone to play with. Even now as an adult it's great to be able to call on either sister or even my brother when I need someone to talk to or some help. The only thing I remember being a bit annoyed about as a kid was that we didn't have all the brand name school bags/shoes etc. But we always went on family holidays and did fun stuff, so now in hindsight I can see that mum and dad didn't give us the brand stuff so we could have time away together, and it has helped me grow as a person to understand the importance of things.

My 2 big kids miss out on me ALOT at the moment, but having twins isn't really a choice of a large family! LOL. They LOVE having each other though, and when one is at daycare the other constantly asks when we are going to get them. So despite the opportunity to spend more time with mum, they still want each other alot. They love having a a baby each to cuddle, they love being helpers and told what great big brothers and sisters they are.

IMHO they miss out on some things, but gain others that would be hard to get if they were in a smaller family. And I will always remember christmas....oir family of 4 kids, 3 each for both my aunty and uncle - kids and toys everywhere!! A separate kids table for lunch/dinner and so much fun! So much noise and excitement - it was the best! And now with one sister having 4kids, the other with 2 - its shaping up the same for our kids and they are loving it.

**ChelsLuke** · 31-12-2009 17:51

Nope. My kids get everything and all get time, like the others if i worked ft i wouldnt be able too. But they all get us time in different areas. All get listened to when they speak all get spooken to, loved fed, cuddled. I lovethe sound of them playing and squealing. All i hear is they want more brothers and sisters. No regrests with 3 cant wait to have more and give them that gift