Stuck for help! interfering grandparents. please help need advice!

**New Mama** · 22-12-2009 10:35

im so glad there is a forum thread for this kind of thing on here ive just about had enough of my life right now.

me and DP live with my mum and i am pregnant with our first baby he works nights he has his own business trawling so we thought it would be a good idea to stay with mum til after the baby is born i suffer from depression and anxiety and have just come off my medication for bub. the house is very small and we will have to have the baby in our room.

the big problem is my mums parents come around every day MY NANNA IS WORSE THAN MARIE FROM EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!and my pa is so nasty they both come here at 7 in the morning and ring though the day they live 5 minutes down the road in our faces all the time they even treat my mum like shes 5 and shes 50!

i cannot stay here anymore i have had enough they are so bossy controlling and they know they **** me off but they dont keep away and i should have to deal with this stress being pregnant. i can only imagine things will get worse when i have the baby i am already struggling with my mental health and dont want stress for me baby and partner. he is always at work when they come over and when he isnt they are a pain in the ****! agh!

im so angry but i cant help argue with them then my heart races and i feel aweful and i need to get out and i want to find a place of our own but we havent rented before and hes the only worker so i dont see how we can afford it. i dont know who to ask for help or what to do.

any advice is welcome or anyone who wants to share a similiar story?

**WorkingClassMum** · 22-12-2009 10:41

Congrat's on the pregnancy

Hun - can you go somewhere during the day - the library, a friends house or even your ilaws? Even just one or two days pw?

Could you even go to a different room and just stay away? What about shoving a IPod in your ears (even if it's not switched on) and pretending you can't see them?

Maybe take your mum to the Dr's with you and get the DR o tell her how bad the stress is for you and the bubs?

I know you shouldn't have to run and hide in your own home, but short of facing up to them or shifting out I can't immediately see another answer

**RoarsomeMum** · 22-12-2009 10:41

How long has it been since you stopped the Meds? - I know I got beyond worse with depression and anxiety before I got better during preg.. Are you seeing some-one profesionally to help with transition?

With the family thing..

It totally sucks.. and I get your frustration.. but in the long run, will you cope better after moving out? (or is there a chance you could get stuck in an episode an it not be picked up or there be no support?) I think that is what you need to weigh up right now.. would it Benefit your mental health to move out.. and if so, yes, do it! - but make sure you have a network (even if lifeline is it) to fall back on if you start to struggle.

Your doing AWESOME addressing this stuff instead of burying your head in the sand about it.. Your bubba will benefit so much.

Oh, and a boxing bag helped me HEAPS in getting out some stuff I could not say to peoples faces!!!!!!

**HowCrazyCool** · 22-12-2009 10:46

i think that you just need to pull down the blinds turn the tv off, lock the door, read a book and park your car around the corner. Cause i know these sorts of people. Even when your horribly sick they would still insist on coming around and Pis*ing you off.

**New Mama** · 22-12-2009 11:11

yes workingclassmum i am seriously thinking about getting an ipod for that an labour!

and i might get an appointment with the social worker at the hospital my midwives reccommended i talk to them cause im so scared about postnatal depression hitting me ive been off my medication for about a month and its so hard to cope.

it would be easier if it was my house but its my mums house and she lets them get away with coming over whenever and saying what they want and i think its because they lend her money all the time to pay her house off.

going out by myself isnt an option i cant go shops or driving by myslef thats how bad my anxiety is. i just really want to move out but it could take months! i have really bad debts and im only only centrelink as my partner doesnt make quite enough and i have my dog and i wont go anywhere without her im not leaving her here.

there is so much to explain but im getting so worn out just thinking about it all! its really nice to talk on here to you guys i lost all my friends when i had a breakdown last year and wouldnt go out. so thankyou for listening to me bang on!

**HowCrazyCool** · 22-12-2009 11:35

hey there, this is going to be long and a bit boring, but it might help, it helped me.

when i was in year 11 i had a break down about going to high school i would hide in the Fernery in the local park and come out at the end of school. then it got into not leaving the house.

I think that in my case i just had to set a goal each day. go get the mail. go get the mail do that a couple of days a week. the next week i took the dog for a walk. Some weeks though i would have a bad week and have to go back to getting the mail again. this went on for nearlly a year. yes i went out of the house to do somethings. but it was SSOOOo stressful i would get pains in my belly. i think these were ulcers,

finally i went back to school for kids that can not do main stream schooling for some reason or another. and i was no way near the worst there. It's called Netschool in bendigo. saved my life.

I had a councilor there and the best thing she taught me was about my breathing.

she made me think back to when i get stressed and what was happening with my breathing.

2 things.
either i was breathing so fast i would hyperventilate.
OR
i was holding my breath.

she got me to EVERY time i was getting stressed go to the toilet ( yes it's a bit strange) but even if your having a panic attack or your arguing with someone you can always go to the toilet by yourself.

She said count to ten SLOWLY then back again. keep doing it untill your feeling better or till someone comes and looks for you. which ever happens first,

and it does happen. you do your breathing then you just end up day dreaming.

in the end i got sick of the counting. i was watching Finding Nemo. and the Just keep swimming swimming what do we do? we swim swim swim. over and over again. so needless to say Dory is my hero

I hope that helps a little and if not it lets you know that there are heaps of people out there who have the same things going on. your not alone,
i still have panic attacks but the last one was over 7 months ago and i knew it was coming.

Good luck,

**InSaneOne** · 22-12-2009 11:57

i would definately be hiding out in my room. get a small tv and dvd player and watch dvd's in your room. (you can rent tv's and dvd players from radio rentals really cheap if you can't afford to buy one - thats what we did until we could afford to buy one.) you don't need to buy dvd's just borrow them from the video store or join one of those online borrowing ones where they send them out and you send them back when you have watched them and then get the next lot a few days later. also lots of puzzle books and novels and just stay in your room. if they come into your room and annoy you then you can say that you are tired and need to rest. if they don't respect that and your privacy then i would be saying a few firm words to them and to your mother.

probably a better idea to stay with your mum and try to save up as much money as you can until after bubs is born.

**Stretchmark Diva** · 23-12-2009 21:44

If your room is big enough, can you fit a TV, DVD player and a little bar fridge? Then you can hide in comfort.

Also you seriously need to have a conversation with your Mum about being the gatekeeper for you. While it isn't your home, your Mum should be made aware of how much the constant drop ins are affecting you and see if she can't at least have 2 visit-free days a week, where she meets her parents for coffee or at the shops and you get some space and privacy.

**BabelFish** · 24-12-2009 00:02

This is a bit off-topic but may I ask why you have come off your medication? That will not be helping at ALL and there is NO need for you to be unmedicated during pregnancy. In fact it could do far more harm than good.

I have bipolar disorder and have remained on my medication as normal through two pregnancies and breastfeeding with no adverse effects whatsoever.

Please revisit your decision to come off your meds - you need them for your condition and you should not be medication-free during pregnancy if you have a psych condition.

Sorry for the side-step but that concerned me as soon as I read it.