Mummies with Multiples - Lets Chat #3

**TripleTime** · 24-09-2010 10:42

Take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is a new day. Do what ever you have to do to get things working for YOUR family.

There is no rules, what worked for us may not work for you. Make your own rules as you go.
Do you have a friend of sibling you can inlist help from? Anyone? Failing that tell you DH to man up, he needs to help you or he may find himself on his own with the boys. That's the gods honest truth. Multi parents have a 50% chance of separation & higher chance of PND.

**HunterzMummy** · 24-09-2010 11:20

Aww Jess i can empathize with you 110%..

Mine are 4 months now, and my Dh is hopeless, and does NOT do well on no sleep. He to took a few months off when they were born but honestly things run so much more smoother when he isnt here. atleast he is doing something (working) instead of being at home and me yelling at him for being useless lol. Throw silent reflux and a 3 yr old into the mix of that as well.

I BF the twins and they still get up about the same as urs lol little ratbags.

But it is very very hard. And talk about resentment hey. I do ALL baby care, kindy drop offs and pick ups, cooking, groceries, all cleaning, bill paying, mowing, looking after and working the horse. and the list goes on. I was so stressed through the pregnancy as i knew this would be the case and he assured me it wouldnt be pppfffttt

I can honestly say i do it alone. And hang out for saturdays when mum and dad come and visit. DH finds any and every excuse to get out of the house.. and thinks that saying im amazing and born to be a mother will fix everything

FAR FAR from it grrrr..

Sorry vent over ive had a hard night and morning

**jessicana** · 24-09-2010 13:43

Yeah i must admit im jealous of his freedom. He helps me with the feeds by getting bottle ready and burping them but then as soon as i have put them down to sleep he is off, either to the gym or take the dog out or to the shops or just the shed. Im still settling babies and trying to express and hour later and starving, with nothing to eat.
It got to 11 today and I still had not eaten since 7pm the night before and being up all night. I had to feed the boys, doing 2 loads of washing, having a shower, clean bottles and then clean the bathrooms and toilet as hubby had kindly invited people over for grand final bbq tomorrow! great like I have time to put on a bbq and entertain guests, the boys have only been home 5 days! And (sorry big vent here) to make it worse im fighting with my mum as she keeps telling people the boys are home and to go and visit us. I told her yesterday that we are NOT ready for visitors and dont tell them to come!

Seriously everyone comes either when were feeding or I need to express, I have no time in the day to nap - she just doesnt get it, she is the excited grandma who wants to show her grandsons off - I dont want to deal with visitors just yet.

ok vent over and feeling a bit better now

**PrimaDonnnaGirl** · 24-09-2010 19:46

Sam, some tips to get you through as I see it- cause its all well and good saying bugger off mum and DH when it comes to visitors - when they're already on their way!!
You have to ask for help when it is offered - I found with visitors, they always said "do u need any help?" so suck it up and say yes!!
Hang the washing, fold the washing, sweep the floor, bath a baby, make me a sandwich, hold a baby/babies while I shower, do the washing up (all jobs any female or self respecting male can handle!!) -let go of any job someone else can do - obviously your main priority is feeding, expressing, settling and EATING!! Yes, I am a clean freak too and would have to have my bathroom and toilets cleaned as well if I was having visitors (I totally get this) , so this comes 2nd to the feeding bit but everything else someone else can do! And honestly, when you have 2 babies, people understand!! These mates your DH is having - do they have partners? girlfriends? wives? - put them to work!! If they are offering to bring anything...YES! get them to bring something...you'll always eat it...I found with breastfeeding two, that pre-prepared food is the most helpful...Yes, do the washing...but someone else can hang, and fold!! You have to, to survive these times.
I know how you feel - I so couldn't ask for help in the beginning, but the more you do, the easier it becomes and honestly - most people are genuine when they are offering and you know the one's who aren't ...at least they won't come back!!
I had a group of friends who in the beginning were all offering help and as I (initially) had help from family and other friends that covered the first 2 - 3months...I knew that I would eventually need them and told them so at that time and guess what...at the 4 -5 month mark where your "help" begins to wane...I emailed all these friends and went "help!!" and they all kicked in and cooked me some meals and did day "nap-overs" where I could sleep for 1 -2 hours without worrying if the twins woke"
Honestly IMO, you can do one baby on your own, but, 2 or more... no way - especially if your DH continues on his merry way - going to his shed, gym whatever - its hard to change that behaviour and get them to understand what your going through because they are not "wired" to get it.!..less stress IMO if you get the help from those who are offering anyway....
Good luck Sam, your doing the very best you can for your boys and you will survive!!
One day we will sleep

...
And vent all you like....

**Abi&Beth** · 17-10-2010 07:19

Happy birthday to Nomsie's gorgeous little boys

**TripleTime** · 17-10-2010 09:08

Happy bug second birthday B & L.

Have an awesome day.

Noms- can't believe their 2!

**Sheer Bliss** · 17-10-2010 21:18

Awwww, 2 already?? WOW!!!

B

L

**Nomsie** · 18-10-2010 06:57

Thank you for the birthday wishes!!

I know, my gorgeous little babies are now big boys! B, I believe, has felt he is two for a long time now, if his tantrums are anything to go by!

If I survive this next year with two kids who can throw whoppers without getting grey hair, then I think the worst part of having twins will be behind me!

Thanks again!!

**WotWillBWillB** · 18-10-2010 13:52

Nomsie I haven't seen any pics in ages. Think I will have to add you to fb. Hope they had a great birthday. And well done to mummy too.

**Nomsie** · 18-10-2010 17:53

PM me your details or a link to your profile and I'll add you. Just putting up birthday pics now, but there's a lot of them so it's taking a long time