This is the story of the loss of my beautiful little man Blake Michael.
My partner and I had tried for ages to get pregnant. When i first saw that positive pregnancy test i was over the moon. It had taken so long and i was so happy that i finally was now pregnant.
My pregnancy was pretty much smooth sailing. No complications and levels were good. At 19 weeks pregnant i found out we were having a little boy. I was so exstatic.
However, on Monday 23rd November 2009, i was 26 weeks pregnant. I woke up feeling fine and spent the day on the computer. At lunch time i had a small bleed about the size of half a pinky finger nail. I kept wiping to see if there was anymore and there was nothing so i figure as i had been straining to go to toilet for number two's it had been that.
I went to sleep at about 3pm as i was tired but i was in no pain and hadnt seen anymore blood. I had an awful dream that baby was born at 26weeks pregnant but he was alive.
I woke up about an hour later and had a bit of back pain. I went and bought a cake for my nephews birthday. By 7.30pm the back pain and slight cramping was worrying me and i hadnt felt baby move so i went off to my local hospital Swan Districts.
The put me straight into the maternity room and tried to find his heartbeat but couldnt. As i drove myself, i rang my partner and my sister to come down. Before they arrived i was taken for an ultrasound and was told that my baby boy had died. Everything went to pieces after that. I was transferred to KEMH ( Major womens and babies hospital in Perth) and had another scan done which again said that he had died.
The obstetrician adviced that i had a full placental abruption and had a bleed behind the placenta.
I was given tablets vaginally to soften and thin my cervix. I had an epidural to control the pain but it only worked on my left leg. I had alot of bloods taken and was told my infection levels were through the roof so was put on antibiotics straight away.
At 5.16pm on Tuesday 24th November 2009, Blake Michael was born weighing 725 grams with a length of 32cm's and head circumference of 22cms. He was the most beautiful, perfect little boy i have ever seen... no matter how small he was.
Blake had his autopsy done two days later. As i had a bad infection, lost quite a bit of blood and because of my medical condition they kept me in hospital until today.
I wont find out exactly what went wrong for another 6 weeks when i get back all my tests and Blakes autopsy results. I am now busy making funeral arrangements to bury my beautiful son.
As you can imagine i am torn in two. All i ask myself is Why???? Why me?? What did i do wrong to deserve this? Could i have done something earlier and therefore saved him??
Saying goodbye to Blake this morning and leaving the hospital with empty arms was the most hardest thing i have even had to go through. I sit at home, not knowing what to do with myself and just cry. The next hardest thing will be burying my son. I never thought in my wildest dreams id have to bury my son.
So now, i sit here wondering what to do and why i had to go through this. Im not sure if ill even be able to have a healthy pregnancy again or whether or not it is worth trying again until i get all the results back.
All i know is that i miss you and love you so very much my beautiful boy Blake.
You have taken my heart with you to heaven. Ill never forget you.
R.I.P My little Man
"Fly Free Our Little Angel"