Need Doula Advice

**Theophania** · 20-11-2009 10:37

Hi Everyone

I actually just wanted to ask any doula's out there or women who have had a doula a few questions.

I have a wonderful lady who in the last 2 weeks has become my doula. I am 15 weeks pregnant and due to my last pregnancy I am struggling everyday with fears etc.

My question is, how often is it 'ok' to call your doula to talk about silly little questions you have? I suppose maybe I should write them all down then when I have enough call her? I don't want to scare her off or make her think I am too needy... I have never had a doula before so I don't really know what etiquitte is involved.

Just as an examply at the moment I want to find out the best way to learn calm birthing and when I should start?

I am sure she is a very busy woman so maybe she doesn't need me calling her constantly this early in my pregnancy hassling her with my troubles lol

(there is only so much I can find out from Google

).

Anyways any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you all

**demeter** · 20-11-2009 11:20

Ask her

The relationship between doula and mother is unique to each pair.

Your needs are legitimate. Your concerns are valid. Your doula respects that and will want to listen and support you as best as she can. Please don't tell yoruself that you are "too needy". And remember those needs are your baby's needs too, so if you struggle to accept support for you, do it for bub.

As for calmbirth you can do that at any stage. Probably the earlier the better because you have more weeks to listen tot he CD and get it to really sink in (I left mine a bit late and the CD didn't do much for me when the time came).

Good luck

**Jami80** · 20-11-2009 12:57

Being a doula it would not bother me at all if my client was asking me alot of questions. Thats apart of a doula's role is to support the mum and her family.
I have just been asked by a friend to be her doula. She isnt pregnant yet but has been asking me alot of pre pregnancy questions. Im more than happy to try to answer them for her to put her mind at ease.

**MamaBleech** · 22-11-2009 07:22

I spoke to my Doula fairly regularly and asked a lot of questions...not always about pregnancy either. She was FANTASTIC!

I agree that every relationship between Doula and Mother is probably different. In my case I felt very isolated from my family and friends during my pregnancy. C knew this and (I think) tailored her services appropriately.

If she understands what your needs are I think most Doulas would be only too happy to support you as best they can. I would share your concerns with her though.

**elleandsam** · 22-11-2009 07:56

I had a lot of questions for my doula when I was pregnant, and so I would usually just send her a text with the question. That way I was still asking, but if she was either at work or attending another birth, I wasn't disturbing anything she was doing. All I could imagine is my wonderful doula standing in front of her boss and then her phone ringing with me having a question about what to pack in my hospital bag or whether or not she'd be happy taking photos or something

**QTB** · 22-11-2009 09:43

As everyone above has said, she shouldnt mind at all!

I know that i dont mind when clients call with questions/concerns etc.

if you feel a bit funny about calling - you could email either with the question or concern, or ask her to call you when its a good time for her?

**Betcha** · 23-11-2009 02:54

As others have said... it's definitely something to ask her and chance are she won't be bothered at all.

I do most of my contact with my Doula through email. It's not always convenient for me to talk when I think of a question, so I just pop it in an email and then she can reply when she gets a chance.
Once I am a bit further along (I am nearly 19 weeks), I'm sure I'll want answers a bit faster and she's more than happy for me to call as necessary.

**BreithCuidiu** · 23-11-2009 07:00

As a Doula, I prefer a text as I'm often attending a birth, caring for my children or out on prenatal/postnatal visits. I will always respond to urgent texts immediately, whereas non urgent questions or topics might take a bit longer for me to respond.

I always welcome questions and encourage my clients to write them all down in a "birth book" and we will discuss each topic one by one at pur next meeting. This book also serves as a keepsake after the birth.