Discipline kids in public (HELP)

**Karizma** · 18-07-2006 16:59

I have a 3yr old and a 4month old, and i cannot take my 3yr old anywhere, he is usually pretty good at home but runs off and carries on when were out, and my hubby works night shift too. I sent my 3 yr old to kindy once a week on my shopping day, and do everything in that one day. I tried everything and cant get him to behave, cause his dad doesnt spend so much time with him during the week, he spoils him on the weekend and now we realise that is the reason for him being obnoxious. So he has stopped, but it is to late he is aware that in public i cannot scold him to much so it plays on it. good luck!!! but yeah i would recommend maybe a daycare for a day or family day care places.

**ashika** · 18-07-2006 17:42

thanx ladies.....................

now i know i'm not the only one ......................... yeah he goes to creche evry thursday but hasn't gone for the last 4 weeks since he had the virus................this thursday he is defiantely going..............

**nicoleE** · 21-07-2006 13:26

Well him hitting little kiddo i will just let my friend deal with it................ me telling him off or having time out or a smack on the bum or naughty spots don't work........ He only smacks this kid because he sees his sister do it to him so he thinks its ok to do it............they have practically grown up together.............and i love these kids .............. i'm just gonna let my friend punish him when he hits kiddo again................ i am scared that if he doesn't stop then i am gonna be a nervous rack to leave bubs with him while i'm in the shower or even go to the toilet...............but i know i have never seen him hit any other kid then my friends........... his normally very well behaved with other kids and at creche his teachers say that his the best kid there so may be his just testing his boundries at home..................plus my Dh spoils him too much and lets him get away with everything.......................

I'm sorry but this is your child not your friends and they should not be left to disipline your children. If you think he is just testing the boundaries at home then show him the bounderies and stick to them! If DH is letting him get away with everything then you need to work out the new rules with DH and tackle the problem head on and agree that both of you are going to stick to your guns. Your little boy is smart enough to know you dont mean what you say to him because you have always given in in the past, you need to now show him enough times that from now on you mean it.
I personally dont think leaving him home when you shop is the best option because then you always have to reply on someone being able to look after him when you shop, and what happens when you need to go out unexpectedly?

If i see a child having a tantrum in a store I am not bothered, to be completely honest what bothers me is when the parents give in to the kids just to get them to shut up!

the_queen's advice was excellent

, i suggest follow it to a 't'.
You can use activites and rewards for your son while shopping. For instance a star chart type activity (you can use character stamps on his hand perhaps) where when he has been good for a time period, say 10 minutes, he gets a stam/star. If he has a certain amount (determined by you) by the time you finish shopping (or get to the checkout) he gets a treat. This way he still gets what he wants but by behaving, not by misbehaving. You can also (as someone else has suggested) make a shopping list he can help you with, but instead of writing words, that he is too young to read, you can print or draw a picture on the paper to represent the item instead.

Look for a good book to help you stay strong and set some bounderies. I quite like the Super Nanny book or there are others out there.

I dont mean to offend but you did ask for our opinions, I know it is hard and will get a bit harder when you stick to your guns but it WILL get easier after that and everyone will be so much happier, including your little boy.

**nicoleE** · 21-07-2006 13:33

Oh and i saw this good program on Foxtel called The House of Tiny Tearaways, where families come to stay for a few nights with their kids, who all have varying behavioural problems. There are people there to help them work out why the kids are bahaving this way and helps the parents to curb it.

One single mother had a child, about 4 i think that she could not take out anywhere because she constantly threw tantrums and ran away. They had them go on an outing and the little girl had a trolley bag and the mother had a bag of coloured balls. For every 15 minutes the girl was good (yes this is where i got my suggestion from!) she got to choose a ball to put in her bag. By the end of the outing if she got a certain amount (i think she got 8 out of 14 possible or something like that) she got a treat. She still played up but no where near as much and with persistance and other outings she would only improve. When the girl had a tantrum and/or wanted to run away the mother just grabbed her, dropped everything and held her close, not hurting her but restricting her. She held her still for 1 minute for every year of her age (similar to the Super Nannies naughty spot technique, but this is an adaptation for public). In the time she held her she did not make eye contact (the girl was facing away from her) and she did not talk to her. Of course LOTS of over the top praise when she was good.

Ok, Im sure people were watching her wondering what she was doing BUT if your kid is playing up at every outing they probably already are doing that and this way the times will get less and less.

**ashika** · 31-07-2006 17:16

hey everybody ,

thanx for your help......................well i didn't mean it as in i'll let my friend discpline Ajay fully .................. I just wanted her to say No to him just once and i knew it was going to work............. we tried it and since then Ajay has been really nice to little kiddo.................. and i have been trying to teach him to share heaps with him as well................................

Shopping has been fun lately.................... Ajay has been back to himself now and listens to what i say.................. he has always been a really good boy but i think having Ds2 kinda set him off a bit . Now he is used to everything and loves his little brother and behaves well as well. Me and Dh sat and had a talk with him and asked him about how he was feeling and behaving badly and he told us that he was lonely cause baby got all the attention..................... it was my mums fault........... she came to visit us after Aaryan's birth and hardly spent any time with Ajay and this made him feel sad but i always made sure that he got full attention from me ............... I guess my attention didn't matter to him................... he wanted his grandma's attention and he never got it apart from stop doing that Ajay and don't be naughty Ajay.................... My poor baby............