We always imagined trying for a family as a twosome. But after four years of trying, we find ourselves thinking of a threesome or foursome. In another forum that could be mistaken for something obscene. But in this amazing space it's understood as the simple reality for couples like us ... and it actual feels great to share our experience with understanding people.
After five unsuccessful IVF cycles (+ a miscarriage), and going through the early stages of inter-country adoption – something we hope to return to after having our own baby – we ended up at an expensive restaurant with two of our closest friends, discussing egg donorship. Our friends have three children and had offered to consider donating eggs. Perhaps naively we had imagined creating with them a kind of 'super family' with a child that would grow up in an 'open' environment – family outings, birthdays, picnics; a unique and loving extended family.
That was two months ago. We haven't heard from our friends since and we're coming to the realisation, once again, that the idealism of all those adoption classes and egg donor books does not quite match the reality. We are as determined as ever to have a child but we now understand that neither 'open' nor 'closed' egg donor/adoption is necessarily 'right'. Our child is out there waiting for us and we will happily and gladly bring him or her up according to the situation into which he or she is born – including, of course, the wishes of the donor.
We have been together for 10 years, we are 36 (him) and 40 (her), we met through a love of music. We have great jobs and live in the inner west of Sydney.
We have a big extended family with five nieces and two nephews between us. We would love to be able to bring our own child to our family get-togethers.
We are best friends and spend a lot of time together sharing interests in travel, music, tennis, cooking, books. We have a small circle of close friends. We have told some of them about our infertility situation and they have been very supportive.
Having a family has always been our priority, we have persevered and never let these issues get us down. The thing that has sustained us throughout this journey has been our relationship. It has never felt quite right for us to be in this loving partnership and not to bring children into it.
We realise that donating eggs is an enormous undertaking and in all honesty, we wouldn't believe our luck if we were to find someone kind enough to do that for us. If you are considering being a donor, we would welcome hearing from you. We would be more than happy to answer any questions and go into detail about ourselves, this is only a brief snapshot. We are happy to consider an open or closed relationship with you - or any variation.
Love Tracy and David