Struggling a bit ... (a bit long, sorry)

**BabelFish** · 10-10-2009 18:26

... well, a lot actually, sometimes!

I am just starting my third trimester with my second pregnancy, and have a 14 month old daughter.

I am tired ALL the time.

I glowed like something out of a daggy video on pregnancy with DD, but this pregnancy has, mostly, been a struggle. I got pregnant when DD was nine months old, and was very sick for a lot of the first trimester. Not pregnancy-related, I had a terrible sinus infection and urinary tract infection and was, frankly, sicker than I can remember being in many, many years.

Secondly, this pregnancy has been difficult on our relationship, although things are fantastic again now.

Mostly, though, I'm just EXHAUSTED. I have a fair amount of pain and discomfort in my hips and groin, which makes it very hard for me to do much of anything physical for long. At 27 weeks I still feel like I am as tired as you usually are in the first trimester. I am quite big and ungainly already, and have been for a while.

Summer is coming up and I am dreading it. I hate summer, I can't bear the heat, and yet I'll have a newborn and a 17-month-old in the thick of it.

I'm starting to get a bit despondent and anxious about how I will cope over the next three months and then after our son arrives.

My daughter is extremely, EXTREMELY active. She has been since five months of age when she started crawling, and I always feel as though I'm behind the 8-ball.

I am incredibly fortunate to have a partner who is studying so he is home a lot. He is amazing around the house, does nearly everything and looks after our DD much of the time. My Mum helps out heaps as well. So every day I get a nap (or two) and every night I get a good night's sleep.

As a result of this, though, I'm starting to feel lazy, and guilty that I don't do much. And that is just making me feel even more anxious about the remainder of my pregnancy.

What I was wondering is, can anyone recommend what they did in terms of gentle exercise, to relieve the pressure off the hips and abdomen, and to stay even a little bit fit? I know that this will help with my tiredness and will also help immeasurable during labour and once bub is born. But I am quite unfit to start with, unfortunately, and the thought of doing anything makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide.

I'm thinking about doing some swimming, or even walking, at the pool a few times a week, and we have a Pilates reformer at home and my DP is a personal trainer, so he will be able to help me with that.

Does anyone else have any tips? I'm starting to feel a bit pointless and useless, to be honest, and like I'm a pretty hopeless wife and mother. It's not very nice at all.

**Mrs Nietzsche** · 10-10-2009 18:38

Chesby, I feel your pain.

I recommend swimming and get a fitball and sit on that instead of a chair at the computer.

I also would suggest - although I am pretty sure you won't go for it - having your daughter go to childcare a couple a days a week - I did this with DS, just for 3 hours a day once I hit 7 mths preg and it has been a lifesaver. DS is *extremely* active and social (walking since 9.5 mths) and I can't keep up with him on a daily basis - he needs more.

the fact is, this *is* hard, so finding practical solutions is really good.

**BabelFish** · 10-10-2009 18:42

Thank you

I would definitely do the daycare option a) if we could afford it and b) if she didn't already go to my Mum's one day a week and usually one night (on a different day) a week as well. Mum is as good as daycare - if not better, actually, because at Mum's DD has her own room, cot, clothes, toys and everything else. So in that sense I get a really good break and my Mum is a TOTAL legend.

BUT I didn't know they could go for such a short time - just three hours? That's awesome - was it expensive? I might do that once a week - mostly because I think she'd really love it. She's starting to notice other kids now and wants to interact with them much more than she did when she was younger.

We have a fitball and that was one of the other things I was thinking about - it came with a video and instruction booklet so I should really look into doing that as well.

**Mrs Nietzsche** · 10-10-2009 18:50

Chesby - I still have to pay for the day. But I am studying and we are low salary so it only costs $21 a day and hten you get half back. The three hours works because he goes in between naps - the difficult 10-2 sort of part of the day. You can find short daycare places though. I think when my daughter started family daycare I could book her in for 5 hour periods.

I was reluctant to embrace the fitball but I can't bear sitting on a normal chair now... just such a relief off that horrible squashed pressure feeling in the middle.

I think if you can exercise you *will* start feeling better really fast and it doesn't have to be anything drastic - maybe just plan to go and *get in* the local pool, don't commit yourself to anything more, and see how you feel after doing that.

I have an exercise bike and I was doing a little on that but it's too uncomfortable now with belly squash. I've been going for a walk each evening now but it is mostly motivated by overdue desperation (trying to bring on labour).

Unfortunately I think a lot of coping with 3rd trimester is mental? If you succumb to the discomfort it all escalates... I think if you can try and adapt a bit, just keep doing what you can and let go of what you can't... but don't let it all get too much for you or else those last months can be veryyyy very longgggg. Urgh.

**BabelFish** · 10-10-2009 18:52

That's great advice

The local daycare centre is $65 a day but my husband is a full time student and I am a full time Mum so we are low-income with concession etc - I wonder if that costs any less? I think I could cop out $21 a day before a rebate!

**Mrs Nietzsche** · 10-10-2009 18:56

It sounds like it would be about hte same for you then. I really don't know how I managed without it now... (especially due to studying).

My local centre is also $63 a day but then with childcare benefit it comes down to just over $20 a day, and then you get half that back quarterly with the rebate.

Good luck!

Will it ever enddddd

**BabelFish** · 10-10-2009 18:58

Haha - yes, indeed. I can't imagine how you feel, one week to go with your third. Jeepers!

**Mrs Nietzsche** · 10-10-2009 19:01

Chesby - it's not one week to go, it's one week overdue! The ticker can't handle how overdue I am!

**BabelFish** · 10-10-2009 19:13

OMG!!

I just looked at the date - October 1st! Well - fingers crossed and good luck!

**moozle** · 10-10-2009 19:14

Firstly, the fact that you're pregnant again is amazing! I know a lot of people have babies back to back but I honestly don't know how you do it. I was exhausted during my pregnancy and am still yet to have a good night's sleep after the birth and DS is 10 months! It's not always his fault, but usually.

As for the exercise, it will make you feel a lot better and as you said, give you more energy etc. Your DP is a personal trainer!!! Ask him to write you a programme! It would be good for you to talk to him about this stuff so he knows how you are feeling and he can help encourage you to get out and have some exercise time to yourself. I'm sure he knows the benefits and has his own work out time, so he'll understand.

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy. You will be fine. You will get through it all and wonder what you were worried about