I think I may need to seek some help, just need a vent

**em1984** · 23-09-2009 09:53

Hi all

Will try and make a long story short. I have always suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. From when I was really really young. It first kind of reared its ugly head in a significant way when I was in year 5 and we had a family member living with us who was a heroin addict. I ended up not being able to go to school for a small amount of time as I would walk in the gates, freeze up and panic and run back out screaming...It ended up being a result of me feeling like I had a responsibility to protect my mum. She was being a massive support to my cousin and I think a part of me sensed or felt she had no real support herself. I felt like I had to protect our family unit. Theres a lot more to it, but I overcame it quite well.

Next significant time was in year 12 when I suffered panic attacks so bad it ended up escalating into depression and me physically being unable to get out of bed. I was medicated and this helped immensly, I stayed on the medication (aropax) for a couple of years before I weaned myself. I coped really really well coming off it and felt I finally had myself under control in terms of fending the attacks off as they began. Since then, I have become a qualified counsellor and found this course to be immensly helpful in terms of learning more about anxiety and depression and finding new strategies and techniques for dealing with it. Since then I have always felt really on top of it and in control so to speak.

I have never had long term therapy. I think mostly because I have a massive family history of anxiety/depression/addictions etc that my mum has always been the one I have gone too. She suffers herself, so understands exactly what it is like, along with other family members. So I have always had that support and people to talk to.

Well I'm starting to feel I'm losing it a little again. Ever since my son was born I've started having severe panic attacks again. They have just gradually crept up on me. At first I just put it down to severe sleep deprivation, and of course the challenges of being a new parent, but they are slowly getting worse. I've only been having them at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, but in the last week I have had a couple during the day which, to me, is big warning bells that I need to get on top of it fast.

Last night I didnt get to sleep until 3 (my son wakes at 7) so this morning I'm just thinking I really need to do something. They are just getting worse. I'm starting to feel physically ill.

At first it just started with the heart palpitations as I was falling asleep, and now its going into the full blown heart racing feeling like its going to burst out of my chest, that feeling like you convince yourself your having a stroke or a heart attack or something, tight feeling across my chest, shortness of breath etc etc I'm sure you all know what I mean. I'm constanly panicing about something happening to me, dp or my son, which could have something to do with it. I've almost convinced myself that this happiness could only be short lived and I'm petrified of not being here for my son. He is my life and my entire world.

I dont want to be medicated again, I'm definite about that, but I'm just feeling a little lost about what to do. I feel like I probably, finally, should really go and see someone about it. Anyway, I'm just writing this here really as a way to get it out and to get some advice/support. I've been really internalising it for a fair while now, my dp doesnt even know the severity of it, but its a bit hard for him to understand. i think its hard for anyone to understand who hasnt been through it.
I'm just petrified of it getting worse and worse, and I know this cant happen because I need to be functioning for my son.

Thanks for reading, if you've got this far, it feels good to get it out

**em1984** · 23-09-2009 16:31

hope I havent scared anyone off

Well I'm feeling much better after getting that off my chest. I've acknowledged it, so now I need to do something about it. I rang dp at work earlier and told him that I think I need to do something and that I'm just not feeling 'right' at the moment. I'm going to have a chat to my mum too. God I hate feeling like this, I hate that this affects me like it does, and I HATE not feeling in control. I am going on a holiday to qld in about 6ish weeks and I'm starting to panic about the flight. I'm not a good flyer at all. I have this intense fear that its going to take over to the point where I just refuse to get on a plane.

I read something earlier today about magnesium and fish oil deficiencies possibly causing anxiety and I'm quite interested to hear others thoughts on this? Or if anyone has some good links to any info? And does anyone know if you can take both these supplements while breastfeeding? I'm keen to try out something natural so any tips would be really appreciated!

**dsmum** · 27-09-2009 06:53

i don't know anything about those supplements but wanted to reply so you know that someone has listened...feeling irrationally panicky sucks - a few years ago out of nowhere i started having anxiety attacks and found that anti-deps worked well...whilst it has actually been a long time since suffering from an actual attack, unfortuanately my mind hasn't forgotten and i seem to constantly live waiting for it to return (not very fun or helpful) and now that i'm so close to having my first child my mind is working overtime and i'm getting nervous - i love this little person but am scared i'm not capable of being a parent...hope you've decided what your plan of attack will be!

**Lastcenturymum** · 27-09-2009 06:58

I don't know if those supplements help either, but you have certainly had a lot to deal with growing up and the fact you acknowledge you need help is an important step.

I would suggest you go to your doctor and explain all this. I really think counselling would help you deal with and move on from those past experiences.

(I couldn't get out of bed without being sick in grade 6 due to horrible teacher

)

Hopefully others who can relate will be able to post and encourage you from their experiences.

**Just Add Water** · 27-09-2009 07:06

If you are quite sure that you don't want to go back onto medication then I would be seeing your GP to ensure that you have avenues open to discuss things - you can access free counselling through the mental health program with medicare, please see your gp about this.

Other options that you might want to consider are:

Naturopath
Dietician
Kineseaology
Acupuncture
Chinese Medicine

There are a lot of alternatives out there to going on medication. However, if in the meantime you feel you need some help then maybe go onto medication while you're researching your other options. I am on anti depressants and hate being on them with a passion, but I know that I am a much more stable and balanced person while I take them and this in turn makes me a better mum.

I hope you find your answer, it is such a horrible feeling to be constantly worrying about things that might not even happen.

**em1984** · 27-09-2009 09:34

thanks so much girls for the replies

I'm trying to get in to see my mums gp this week, she's fairly busy so hopefully I wont have to wait longer. Its really helped that I have discussed things at length with my dp, he's being really great about it. I had never gone into great detail with him, so now he has more of an understanding I think it helps. Plus I found out his sister suffers from anxiety too, not that thats a good thing, but it means he is more open to understanding it iykwim. I also wrote down absolutely everything I have been feeling the other day and that helped tremendously! It almost releases it from eating at you from inside when you lay it all out. Funnily enough, my course was actually holistic counselling, so I have learnt a lot of natural therapies which help, its funny how you kind of know these things help but actually taking the step to doing it yourself is quite hard! I'd like to find a really good natural therapist, if anyone has any recommendations for someone in se melbourne i'd really appreciate it. I think it would be better to go with someone that is recommended rather than just finding anyone out of the yellow pages. I've still been having attacks most nights, but have found if I have the telly on and fall asleep with that it helps a little. Also reading others stories on here has been great as you realise that no, you arent dying, it is all very common panic symptoms, so telling myself this has been really good at preventing them getting to the bad hyperventilating stage.
I just want to be able to relax a bit more, I'm constantly tense which in turn is creating really bad back, jaw and neck pain and headaches. I can feel that my whole body is constantly tensed(sp?) up and its driving me insane. Anyway, feeling positive about doing something about it and that I wont allow it to get any worse.
Thanks again girls, its really really nice to be able to talk to people who know what its like xx

**kezzaskids** · 27-09-2009 09:53

I am breast feeding and also have panic attacks and depression. I started to get a cold and took a mix of zinc, vit c , iron and inner plus. The cold went away but a VERY surprising side effect so to speak was that my depression seems much more manageable and the panic attack symptoms are way less severe!!!
I dont know why or even if its a co incidence but for me, I will keep up with these supplements!!
HTH a little. xxx

Rescue remedy also helps.