Anyone elses mum driving them crazy?

**Clannad** · 22-09-2009 13:06

Hey there,

Well I'm just interested if anyone else is in the same boat. My mum is driving me crazy while I am pregnant. I told her the other day that DH and I were keeping our baby's name a secret until she is born. Mum flipped out and demanded she know. When I told her we are doing this because we don't want to hear about everyone's criticisms, she bluntly said everyone will give them anyway when the baby is born. Now she is trying to remember what names I said I have liked and saying don't name the baby that.

She hasn't really shown an interest in me being pregnant and isn't particularly interested in how I am going, but is obsessed by when my baby is going to arrive and nursery items. I sorta feel hurt by that, I dunno if that makes sense??? I read about how parents are great support systems during pregnancy and after but I don't get that.

Anyway just wondering if anyone else has difficult mums out there? I know a lot of people have great ones, but I can't really relate too much to that.

**Jinglejangles** · 22-09-2009 13:58

My mum hasn't shown much interest in my pregnancy either. She did with the first, but since my last miscarriage at 10.5 weeks she doesn't bring up my current pregnancy or ask me how I'm feeling etc. I'm sure she thinks I'm going to miscarry again. Makes me feel a bit sad.

We didn't tell anyone the names we had chosen for our first baby. A few people kept asking and tried to guess but we didn't budge. (Occasionally we would throw out stupid or geeky names as a joke because we got sick of the questioning!)

If you don't want to tell them, don't. They might criticise your choices before the baby is born, but most people won't give their criticisms after the baby is born as it would be so rude. If they don't like the name, they will most likely keep quiet. Who cares if they don't like it anyway... it's YOUR baby. As long as you and your partner love the name, that's all that matters.

**Cicho** · 22-09-2009 14:07

I have a PITA mother too

I would be telling her that this is YOUR baby, not hers. Your kid, your rules

I know this might sound harsh but what is it going to be like for you once the baby is here?

I would be keeping bubby's name a surprise. There are not many surprises in life, and that is what you want.

Good Luck

**meggie09** · 22-09-2009 14:08

My mother did this to me when i was pregnant with ds. It drove me nuts, she never cared about me. Anyway since then we havent spoken for 2 years so when dd was born it was heaven not to have her around and it will be the same with the twins. My mother has issues and by all means dont take this as advice to do the same. Good luck

**Californication** · 22-09-2009 14:26

Difficult mum? Check.

My mum and I don't really get on. She's not the most supportive or affectionate person and we have a "surface" relationship (in that I don't really tell her much about my life as then i don't get criticised about it!).

There is 8 and 10 years between my sisters and I and so mum and dad already have 6 grandkids. They didn't seem that interested in my pregnancy either (rang maybe once a month for 3 minutes), and when I joked they'd better get ready for baby-sitting duty when I was 3 weeks off my due date, I got told "we've had enough of that" and basically got fobbed off! Mum wasn't even going to come and see William the day after he was born! She did in the end (I think my Aunty made her, but I can't say for sure), but that really hurt me. Then she says she will come and stay when I get home from hospital. I was a bit stunned at that and blurted out "thanks, but I think we would end up fighting" (I know what she is like - she would just tell me everything I am doing wrong rather than supporting and helping me, and I would end up telling her to get out of my house!) then recovered and said that DH was taking time off and that I wanted a couple of weeks at home alone to bond etc but that didn't go down well. I think she only offered as found out my sister was coming for a few days and the inlaws were coming for 2 weeks and did it for show. That's what she is like - it's all about appearing to have a happy family that get along. The reality is very different as I love my middle sister to death but neither of us have much to do with our eldest sister.

So to answer your question, yes, there are others who have mums that get on their nerves! Other mums who aren't interested in our pregnancies and all we can do it not repeat the pattern with our own kids!

We kept our names a secret too. We had a shortlist, but nothing confirmed until he was born. The inlaws and my sister were desperate to know, but we held firm. They didn't hassle that much, but we just used to laugh and say they will find out when he is born as we didn't know either!

(sorry this turned into such a me post - I'm still annoyed about things!)

**moozle** · 22-09-2009 14:41

Yup, always.. not just when I was pregnant. She's just always got something to say about what I'm doing wrong or what I need to do... drives me up the wall.

**sharonnscotty** · 22-09-2009 14:56

Yep same story... love her dearly,,,, cant stand to be in the same room for more than 15 mins !! Not telling names, NOPE NO WAY !! have thrown a few around. She is very well meaning and helpful, just she drives me mad. I have really nicely laid down the rules and all is well (as this is her first grandchild she is super excited). Luckily my younger sister announced her pregnancy - so yippeee no more focus on me !!! But you know what, I would nt know what to do whithout her, and someone to moan to!! Kinda wierd but I guess I am trying to say I understand where you are coming from. At least I dont have inlaw problems - they live almost 3hrs away!

**Misschief** · 22-09-2009 15:59

Hahahahahahahaha, yes I have a difficult mum.

But she's different to yours. She's WAY too worried and concerned about me and my pregnancy. Sure I've had my ups and downs, but sheesh! Im pregnant, not disabled! LOL.

I am not allowed to do anything while she's around and it's getting on my nerve. She means well, but oh boy! The worst part is, she's going with me to my antenatal classes, starting tomorrow. She's got such an outspoken opinion about how things are done these days. Im quite scared she's going to make me look like an idiot. If she acts up tomorrow, she will not be allowed to be there with the birth. She reckons that's blackmail and said: "NO that's just common sense".

Oh and good thing you're not telling her the names you've chosen. Stick to your guns!

I have mentioned a few names to my mum and she's hated pretty much every single one of them. So from now on, I will not mention any names to her until I have signed the birth certificate. Until then, I'll just tell her that I still haven't made up my mind. Even the first few days after bub is born

**Laurens 1st** · 22-09-2009 18:14

My mum was enitially excited when I told her that shes going to be a grandmother for the 1st time. Since then, she has not shown any interest in the pregnancy. Its really upset me. But then, everything she does and says upsets me so I dont know why I thought she'd be any different!

Im already sick of people asking what my mum thinks of the pregnancy, or is my mother going to help me out.. haha.. yeah right. The only support Im getting is from my partner, and even he is just learning. I always thought the mother would be the support. Perhaps thats another fairytale fantasy!
Mum did strangely turn up at my first ultrasound (at 6 weeks) when I wasnt expecting her.
I wouldnt know what its like for her to finally see her child go through pregnancy and have a family of their own. I would imagine it would be an emotional time for her as well. I tend to try and empathize with people. But on this occasion, I just dont get why she cant even ask me a question about how Im going or how my unborn child is going. I dont get why she ignores me!
You know, becomming a parent for the 1st time is exciting and you just want to share your excitment with everyone around you to the point where you actually think your annoying everyone with your excitment. Yeah I think Im at that point where I really gotta stop talking about being pregnant and baby plans. Well, I cannot share any excitement or news with my mother. Not when she blatently ignores me and changes subjects. I feel like Im talking to a brick wall!
I believe my mother is the most difficult mother on the planet.

Oh and she couldnt understand why I would want to know the sex of my baby? She says Im ruining the surprise? She said she never knew for any of us. We really are from different worlds, mum and I!

**Misschief** · 22-09-2009 19:55

Originally Posted by Laurens 1st

Oh and she couldnt understand why I would want to know the sex of my baby? She says Im ruining the surprise? She said she never knew for any of us. We really are from different worlds, mum and I!

Tell her that in THOSE days it wasn't possible to find out the sex before bubs was born. If it was possible, she might have thought differently about it.

You dont have a mum to share your excitement with and I dont have a partner to share with

I had a very very tough first 10 weeks on my own. That's when I found BubHub. I reckon it is a great place to post your updates and news. Most people here do care about your pregnancy, that's what BubHub is for. I have also been able to make some real life friends via BubHub too.

So if you ever need to vent or share some exciting news, do it with your partner, friends or BubHub