Mummy wars

[lambjam]

Given the current perception that some Bub Hubbers could ease up a little on the judgmental opinions, I thought this article hit the nail on the head:

http://www.babble.com.au/2009/09/04/the-mummy-wars/

I liked the writer's acknowledgment of the astonishing pace with which "scientific findings" change and are doled out as the gospel truth, as well his insistence that we as mothers can know what's best for us and our children without resorting to statistics.

The book he mentions ("The Slap" by Christos Tsiolkas) was our last book club book, so I was particularly interested!

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I must say I found the article offensive.

firstly mothers arn't the only people who get upset when it comes to criticism of their children or parenting. Men do too. So I felt it was very short sighted of the author.

Moreover what is wrong with being pasionate about your child, and your parenting acheivments. if someone criticised angry dad's acheivements he would probably have words with them about why his acheivements were important too.

I don't feel that I am involved in a mummy war with anyone. I do feel parents have a right to choose within the law and as long as they respect the right of their children to bodily autonomy.

However I'm sure that we all feel we can have an opinion about just about anything, including parenting and just about anything else, we can also disagree and at the end of the day that is fine.

Back to breastfeeding. In the fifties it was essential to breastfeed. In the high times of 1970’s feminism the bottle was king. Now we’ve swung back to the breast. I’m not saying that there isn’t important and objective work being done on this. But it’s so clouded by moral crusades and ideology that we, as parents, are prevented from having a decent discussion about it. And somehow, one way or the other, women get hemmed in by it all.

Blaming feminism for the rise is bottle feeding is one of the most ludicrous things I have ever heard.

I'm just not that keen on reading misogynistic ramblings of a man who doesn't even have the guts to stand by his wife.

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I have heard 1,000 times the bickering between men on whose footy team will win than I hear between women on parenting.

I found the article irritating and easily disregarded.

[~Temet Nosce~]

I liked it, thanks for sharing.

Had to laugh at

I remember sitting our first born in front of Baby Einstein videos in the wild hope that he would become a baby Einstein or at the very least develop the brainpower of that wheel chair dude. He looked interested, then bored, and finally, tried to eat his foot.

[missie_mack]

Blaming feminism for the rise is bottle feeding is one of the most ludicrous things I have ever heard.

I agree. Where did he get that data?? Formula feeding statistically increased during and after WWII where women were forced into the workplace but still needed to feed their babies and the biggest decrease in breastfeeding occured before 1970 (statistically speaking) If we wanted to blame a movement for the increased production of formula perhaps we should be looking more to the likes of Hitler

[javalava]

I have heard 1,000 times the bickering between men on whose footy team will win than I hear between women on parenting.

I found the article irritating and easily disregarded.

And whats worse, we bicker, they fight! Over things as small as that.... here in town a few weeks back (in the yucky part of town) one brother in law stabbed the other and killed the fella while watching the footy!!

Mate i choose female bickering any day!

[MrJones&Me]

Well i thought it was funny & well needed light entertainment on here!

[UmmInayah]

What a load. There is nothing wrong with exchanging ideas. If you truly believe what you do as a parent is the right thing, you won't care what other mothers think.

If you want to bottle feed your baby, don't go feeling guilty about it, because it was either your choice, or something that was out of your control.

If you choose to control cry your baby, this is not forced upon you. You choose to do it. Others feel very passionate about their children's mental health, and won't have a bar of allowing their children to cry themselves to "work it out for themselves" how to "self-settle".

I am sick of mother's feeling guilty about choices they make.

You reap what you sow. You make the bed you lie in etc.

And you know what? It is in our nature to judge. It is something we can tell ourselves "Oh, I won't want to do that with my child.." or "Oh, I like the idea of doing that." Just because you like something someone does doesn't mean you aren't judging

[Boobycino]

I agree with the idea.

I think the article went about it all wrong.

I put this comment on the page.

Rachel says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.

September 20, 2009 at 4:00 PM
You know what though… I think I agree with the heart of this article, but the example given is a bad one in my mind. As an ‘extended breast feeder’ any person, woman or not, who says that extended breast feeding is ‘revolting’ is going to cop it from me. Maybe not a quote from the WHO – but a stern “what I do in the best interest of my son isn’t for you to comment on” or something to that effect. I dont intend on convincing anyone, but anyone who wants to tell me something I do with my son is ‘revolting’ is going to upset me. It may not be ideal, I could possibly summond the strength from the air to be calm, cool and collected and just let the resentment that someone accused me of being revolting fester inside – or I can let them know I really didn’t appreciate that comment. A friends husband was at my house at my birthday party recently and when I casually pulled down my shirt to feed my 9 month old son he exclaimed “OMG you cant be serious!” disgust dripping in his voice. I was utterly appauled at his lack of respect and self control in my home. I didn’t say anything. He will never be welcome in my home again though. End of story.
Also remember mothers are over worked, utterly exhausted, sleep deprived and getting screamed at by our own children day in day out – so SOMEONE has to cop all that pebnt up frustration and unfortunately its whoever wants to disagree with us!
I totally agree woman need to stand together, stop bickering, stop comparing, stop critising, stop quoting the magical ‘they’ who know everything about everything (you know “they say more than 1hr a day of television will increase your childs likelihood of developing ADHD by 10%” was the pearl of wisdom I was given today…. thanks for that random stranger…)because we’re all in highly reactive states of mind. Make a judgement or offer ‘unwanted advice’ and we’re gonna get our backs up.
I’m very careful when talking to other mothers not to offer advice unless specifically asked for it, because its rarely helpful.

[~Temet Nosce~]

What a load. There is nothing wrong with exchanging ideas. If you truly believe what you do as a parent is the right thing, you won't care what other mothers think.

If you want to bottle feed your baby, don't go feeling guilty about it, because it was either your choice, or something that was out of your control.

If you choose to control cry your baby, this is not forced upon you. You choose to do it. Others feel very passionate about their children's mental health, and won't have a bar of allowing their children to cry themselves to "work it out for themselves" how to "self-settle".

I am sick of mother's feeling guilty about choices they make.

You reap what you sow. You make the bed you lie in etc.

And you know what? It is in our nature to judge. It is something we can tell ourselves "Oh, I won't want to do that with my child.." or "Oh, I like the idea of doing that." Just because you like something someone does doesn't mean you aren't judging

I got the impression that that was the whole point of the article. The last bit made it pretty obvious

So please. Stop all the bickering. You can do it in your own way. You and your baby know what’s best. You really, really do.