How do I have a positive c/s birth?

[wildflowers]

Hi guys,

I'm 35 weeks now and my baby is still breech. I have been and will continue to do everything I can to turn him but as time goes on I'm worried he is not going to move. Where I live a vaginal breech birth is not allowed and I will have to have a c/s if he doesn't move down. The midwife told me that due to a flawed study which has now been heavily disputed all the drs lost their skills at delivering a breech normally. This is the thing that kills me, my baby and I are perfectly healthy and they want to cut into me.

I was somewhat prepared for an emergency c/s but the devestation and loss I feel over never even being allowed to labour with my child, to feel his readiness to come and to feel the transition to motherhood that goes along with the working to bring him out is heartbreaking.

I know that as well as trying to turn my baby I need to come to terms with having a c/s if that's what happens. I was hoping there might be some suggestions out there about how to still take control and be active in the birth. I know the drs will have the way they do things but what can I do? What can I ask to be done? I'm frightened that I will be laying there with a sheet covering my view. I will be in a sterile surgical environment, I won't be able to feel or help my baby be born, see him being born. It is like at some point I'll be pregnant and the next someone will hand me my baby with no in between and I'm terrified that it will effect me in my feelings of self worth and in bonding with my baby and feeling like he actually came out of me. I know that sounds aweful and I love my baby more than life itself and just want him to be healthy but I'm still scared.

Sorry this is a bit long but any suggestions on how to stay active in a c/s birth would be so much appreciated.

[BabelFish]

Awww hun

I understand totally how you feel - my baby was `taken' from me via a forceps delivery after my labour went all wrong, and I feel totally robbed of the experience. Now, with my second bub, I'm being told that because of what happened last time, I may have to consider a c-section. Which, to me, sounds like them asking me to be robbed again of another birthing experience, which will possibly be my last.

No way.

So I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to give you a hug and say I hope someone comes along soon with something positive to say - because I'd like to hear it, too!

[gizmo]

Wildflowers, I could have written your post myself a few months ago.

I needed a c/sec because of breech, and I was surprised at how upset this made me. In fact, I was reduced to tears almost daily for a week or so as it wasn't the birth I had 'planned'.

But, I started to accept the fact that this was the way it was going to be and by the time the c/sec happened I was fine with it. Baby's are born by c/sec every day and it doesn't make the day less special, or make you love your bub any less .

In relation to the c/sec experience, the only time I had second thoughts was when I walked into the theatre room, and saw just how many people it took to help with a c/sec. I wasn't expecting that! But once I was on the table and it started happening, I felt better about it. My dr talked my through what he was doing, and they lowered the sheet so I could see him being born. He was taken to a table just near me in my sight, my DH cut the cord and then he was put directly on my chest. We had a few cuddles as they started sewing, then he and DH went and had cuddles until I came out and we bf in recovery.

All up it wasn't the birth I thought I would have, but it was still really special and I don't regret it.

If there are things that you specifically want to happen, then perhaps do a birth plan and talk about your requests with your obst. My main request was that I wanted skin to skin and to bf ASAP and they were great in helping me do that.

Anyway, good luck and PM me if you need to chat.

[TEAM+1]

Big Hugs
Let me just say you are not alone, what you’re feeling is perfectly normal and in no way have you failed.

You have carried your child for 9 months and cared for them and will care from them for the rest of their life, weather you have a c-s or "natural" birth you are the one and only mother this child will have.

I know because I was in your situation my daughter was born via c-s and I felt everything you felt how much I failed, how everyone else did more than me during her birth; My OB said to me " they are helping deliver your baby" and that's exactly what they are doing I was under the impression that when they gave you a spinal you could not feel anything but that's not the case you can still feel them touching your tummy and bub coming out it's a very strange sensation.

You can still be involved you have carried them for this long that’s all part of it I promise you when they place a happy and healthy baby in your arms for the first time you will be so overcome with emotions you will forget about "how" they got there.
You will go home and think about it from time to time and yes you will feel guilty but I can honestly say if it wasn't felling guilty about how they where born it would be about something else its just what mummy's do.

You never know next time around you may be able to have a "natural" delivery I did and it went beautifully I can say that I look at my girls now and don’t feel any different towards them I bonded with them both instantly.
How you can be involved ask for a mirror so you can see(if you can handle it) ask to be the first one to identify the gender ask for a cuddle, watch them check ob's all of these things you would do in a normal delivery you can do in an operating theater the doc and nursed still do the same check and you will still be the best mum your baby could hope for.
I wish you all the best and it is hard to get your head around but use this time to really understand at the end of the day whatever is best for bub is the best thing for you.

You will be great and don't let anyone tell you other wise.

[MinkeyMoo]

I too had a c/s for my first, breech baby. I had 2 weeks to come to terms with the fact that it would happen. Just try to think that the actual birth is a drop in the ocean in terms of your relationship woth your baby. we focus so much on the birth of our babies that we do not take into account, or even think about in a lot of cases, taking care of that newborn/toddler/child. You do need to go into it with a positive mindset. My c/s was olovely. Yes there were a cast of thousands in the theatre, yes I didnt feel a thing, yes I was (unluckily) seperated from my baby straight agter birth. But I never had a bonding issue, BF problems and her birth is remembered fondly. I have a beautiful photo of her before she has taken her first breath, still attached to me by the cord. It is the most serene, beautiful, touching photo I had/have ever seen.

I have since went on to have two vaginal births, one with epi and forcepts delivery and one with no intervention and entirely drug free. There was good and bad in each of my birthing experiences but they were all very special, precious events.

[Lissbee]

Hi Wildflowers - it is so great that you are thinking about how to make this a positive experience.

I would like to firstly direct you to a Positive Caesarean Birth Plan that is on the Caesarean Awareness Network Australia (CANA). It was created and used by a woman who had a traumatic first caesarean, so she had very specific ideas, plus experience and research, on how to make it a better birth next time. And it was

Also, it can be helpful to read positive stories, so check out Birthtalk's newsletter, specifically the story about Gregg and Kathryn's planned caesarean for transverse lie, with their first baby. www.birthtalk.org/PDFs/BTnews.pdf

And you are very welcome to contact CANA's National Support Contact, a wonderful midwife called Debby Gould, on (07) 3878 7915, for some IRL support

Hope that helps,
Melissa
birthtalk.org

[KiahsMum]

Hi Wildflowers

I have one suggestion firstly and that is ask whether they will let you go into labour and then give you an emergency C/S. Some doctors are fine with that and some are not. If you are wanting bub to come when he/she is ready then can't hurt to ask?

I have had 2 unwanted C/S due to breech. My bubs just don't know which way is down hehehe. I strongly recommend looking at the birth plan Lissbee recommends. I used this to make a C/S birth plan for my second bub. I wanted things like skin to skin contact, bub to stay with me at all times in theatre and recovery, assistance to breastfeed asap. I wish I had thought to ask to have the sheet dropped to watch her being born and I think that is a fantastic idea! I would have your birth plan ready and give it to your doctor at least a week beforehand to be discussed between you to make sure they understand what it is you are looking for in a birth experience. My birth plan also stated that an medical issues with bub would override the plan so no one thought I was more interested in my plan than bub's health. I also sent a copy of the plan to the head of nursing/maternity at the hospital so they were aware of what I wanted and why. If you can find out which paediatrician will be attending make sure they have it beforehand as a lot of the calls about bub after they arrive are up to the paed such as skin to skin, staying with you, weighing being delayed, going to the nursery etc.

I had an empowering experience with my second C/S because I decided I had a right to a great birth experience despite my loss of a natural birth. As long as bub was ok I wanted to be able to walk away and say I had experienced the best C/S birth I could given I wasn't really given another choice. I wish you all the best with your birth! If you would like to see a copy of my birth plan just let me know *huge hugs*

[Cordelia]

I agree with the above post - just decide to love it!! research great positive stories and be proactive about enjoyin every second.

worked for me...

[melannh]

I had an emergency c/s with my DD. I was toying with the idea of elective, but my OB said to give natural a try>
Looking back on the trauma of the emergency< and also having an epidural then gen>anaesthetic _ i would now choose to have a caesar

not my desired choice _ but i concentrate on the positives of it all

i understand your feelings of not feeling like you are involved in the birth - but just be positive about the caesar. say to yourself all of the good parts of it - the mind is a powerful thing, and you deserve to enjoy the moment of the birth, however it is done.

I hope this concern doesn't consume you - as c/s aren't a BAD THING in many circumstances - and a healthy bub and mum are what's most important.

take care and hope you have a wonderful experience - and once you meet your little baby, it'll all hopefully come together.

[mrsgilchrist]

Hi there!

I just wanted to say that MINKEYMOO... you are so right in saying that too much focus is on how our babies are delivered the birth and the whole thing and not enough on caring for what comes out of it a newborn, infant, toddler...

There is so much talk out there weather c section is right or wrong, I've now had 2 c sections, and Im pregnant with no.3 and it will be my 3rd c section. I had pleasent experiences both times few hiccups at the beginning but once the drugs started working and I relaxed it all went so so well! The hardest part Im not going to deny it is the recovery afterwards, But you tend to forget abot the pain knowing that you have your little baby with you.

I am not even going to opt for a vaginal birth for this one either, because I know I cant have my babies normally, The doctors and the nurses I had were so very helpful, holding my hand when they were doing the spinal, until my hubby was allowed in they truly were so supportive, and this is what helped to make it a positive birthing experience.

My hubby got to cut the cord still, I would advise asking if you can check or make sure if you already know the sex of the baby rather than the OB telling you as he/she pulls bubby out. I will probably ask for that this time its such a fantastic idea!

And let me tell you now! We are not going through anything less of vaginal birth! We may not labour, we may not go through the pain of our babies head crowning, but we go through alot.. a spinal... sometimes feeling sick and unpleasent from the drugs during the birth, and at the end of it you will tell yourself... Didn't I do a dam good job! With all of the pain we have to face recovering, and what we go through in surgery, many mothers who go through vaginal birth would never know, as they would say we dont know the pain of vaginal birth but to have that natural right taken away from you for the safe birth of your baby, I think thats why we all feel so much mental anguish over this we didnt have the choice.

So all I can say to you is dont feel guilty, dont feel like your missing out on anything, you are going through alot to get your baby and at the end I bet you tell yoursel Boy! I did a good job!

xxxx
Danielle

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and you ar eholding your beautiful little baby in no time

And dont let it be a negative birthing experience... its yur birth you make it what you want it.