Doulas using Doulas?

**annsam** · 08-07-2006 14:51

Hi

If you are a doula and pregnant, would you use a doula for your birth or would you 'train' a friend or just have DH do his best?

I know its a way off yet but Im mulling this over for my birth and am undecided.......actually, Im undecided about pretty much everything including locality and care givers LOL.

EDITED : SEE BELOW FOR FURTHER EXPLANATION OF SITUATION

**Sarie** · 08-07-2006 15:18

On behalf of your DH, give him a go. That's what he's there for. I only had my DH in my two previous births and his support is all I need. He will be the only one there again this time. But that's how we prefer it, a special family moment between the two of us. He knows my needs and wants and is quite capable of expressing that should I not be able to.

**WeThree** · 08-07-2006 15:24

What does it say for the doula profession if a doula isnt sure she should have one?

Its like someone refusing to eat at the restaurant they work at.....

**ZubDub** · 09-07-2006 01:21

I'm amazed that you are asking this? How long have you been a Doula for and how many births have you attended? Or are you just asking this as a 'conversation opener' but really know what you are going to do?

My Doula is currently looking after two pregnant doulas - which I think is lovely because it reinforces how she is seendwithin her community. Mind you , before she was a doula she did have one birth where her DH was the only attendant - they were too far from any hb mw so had to fb by themselves. But she thought long and hard about that of course - or do you mean you DH attending with you in a hospital? And is there any reason you would not have him as WELL as a doula? I know I needed both of mine to achieve a natural birth.

**annsam** · 09-07-2006 13:10

Ok, I can see by my post above how I haven't explained myself but I didn't really feel I needed to considering I was asking other doulas what they have done for support.

Heres the situation which may clarify.

I have a good friend who wants to study to be a doula and she has asked me if I would like her to support me in my birth but she doesn't plan to start studying for about another year so she will not have started training so I would need to train her in what I would like. I see this friend regularly and she has researched birth through her Uni studies in psychology and for her own two births so would be pretty much at the level as a trainee doula which I have no issue using in theory.

I do not know any other doulas in my area that are fully qualified - I do know trainees but as I only predominantly need the birth support - I wouldn't be much use to their training which consists of prenatal and postnatal education and support which I dont need so Im wondering if I would be better off showing my friend what I would like done and giving her the introduction to her doula career supporting my birth and I was wondering what other doulas who have had friends keen to be their support person have done/would do. Do they go with the friend who will do their very best or do they go for the professional? As a doula, deciding on birth support is a very big decision when torn between two excellent options.

As for DH being my sole support person. He doesn't want to be and I dont want him to be. Of course he will play a major role as he did last time but we both want the additional support from someone who has been through it whether that be doula or friend. That was purely out of interest as I am interested in what other doulas choose for their own births.

So, its not that Im not sure I should have one - of course I will, I have supported enough births to show me how brilliant good support is but Im trying to decide between someone I dont know who is trained or a friend I have supported who is keen to support me who is untrained. I have information on qualified doulas around my area (of which there are very few) which I will be researching over the coming months.

Does that make more sense?

**Tracie** · 09-07-2006 13:42

Fair question Anna...tricky decision!

I guess it depends on how much time you might have to bring your friend up to speed so that you can feel comfortable in the knowledge that she'll give you rock-solid support? Having said that if she is thinking of becoming a doula and you have supported her at her birth, then you are obviously fairly like-minded in your birth-thinking? So might not be much to do at all!

(Don't know if she would be able to use your birth as one of her certificate births though - I think you usually have to have started studying to be able to count them?)

As for me....Yep, I would definitely use a Doula at my next birth and really wish I had had one at my last. Love my friends to bits and my mum and sister obviously, but they don't necessarily hold the same beliefs about birth as I do, plus we have that whole emotional attachment which can sometimes make things a bit trickier.

Having someone with you who has a clear head, has been to plenty of births and understands the natural processes as well as the ins and outs of the various procedures and interventions really appeals to me.

Depending on where we give birth next time (hopefully at home if the QLD situation improves!) we may well have family/friends there too but more likely their role will extend to looking after the needs of my other bubbas.

All the best with your decision!

**kadownie** · 09-07-2006 14:41

If you really trust your friend and feel comfy with her- than go for it!! Isn't that our role as doula's anyway- to provide a safe and comfy atmosphere (as well as all the other things of course)

**Funkychicken** · 09-07-2006 15:24

I think who you choose to take into the birth with you is based on trust, friendship, strength and the knowledge that the person you are taking will meet your needs. I had only my DH at the birth of our firstborn and it was a wondeful experience, but-and DH is the first to admit it-he felt pretty useless a lot of the time and could not grasp what I was going through. At the birth of our DD, I took a dear friend whom I completely trusted and also happened to be a Reiki therapist and massage therapist. She spent the entire 6 hr labour following me around, applying reiki throughout each contraction. She then stayed on one side of me while DH was on the other whilst I delivered DD on all fours. She has no children of her own but I didn't feel this was an issue at all.
Last year, I had another trusted friend attend the birth of DS#2 and she was amazing. A mother of three herself, she was able to 'read' me when I couldn't express myself properly. As in, when I started groaning "never, ever again, she turned to the midwife and said, "I think we are nearly there now." She got into the shower with me and held the handjet over my belly for over an hour talking me through, helping me keep focused. DH was also there but spent this time behind me, massaging my shoulders (apparently, I don't recall it!)
I feel so blessed to have had friends there that I knew in my heart would provide what I needed when I didn't.

**ZubDub** · 10-07-2006 00:55

Well, most women who use Doulas don't know them personally and use them for their professional training. And that is the option I'd take. It seems that you are deningrating your job even considering not using a trained doula. If you want your friend there - can't you have her there too. In fact, if you are going to have your other child there - why can't she take on the role of being with your other child. Then she gets to experience your labour and be useful at the same time.

**annsam** · 10-07-2006 06:47

ZubDub, Thank you for your input but I dont appreciate your judgements about how you feel my decision reflects on my job. I love my job heart and soul but a qualified doula is not the only person capable of being excellent birth support FOR ME and thats really what it comes down to. If you have ever read any research or books on doulas you will find that most authors advocate good birth support as providing the benefits a doula provides - not necessarily trained birth support and I am very fortunate to have such a close friend with similar beliefs who is very keen and who I trust implicitly.

As it is, DH and I discussed this in length last night and I will be looking for a doula. I realised I will be inhibited by my friend knowing this would be her first supported birth whereas I really want the support without the worry. Plus I agree with Traci in having someone who is distant from the situation.

Thank you to the ladies who provided the constructive feedback I was asking for.