what are my rights?

**faroutbrusselsprout** · 12-09-2009 11:41

I have found out through very deceptive and dishonest means that FOB is taking drugs, namely smoking pot and lines of coke (cocaine)
He lives interstate and DS sees him around 2-4 times a year.
He flies over and picks DS up and flies back with him.
So DS is a 4 hour plane flight away from me, it's horrible and I count down every minute.
I feel even worse now knowing that FOB is still using drugs (he has previously told me that he had stopped). I have no idea if he uses them whilst DS is in his care, but I hate the thought of DS being so far away from me with someone that could be under the influence of any number of substances.
We have no formal parenting plan in order. I'm in the middle of getting one organised because HE requested it.
I can't confront him because the way I found all this out is a breach of his privacy...

Any thoughts or advice?

**CrackleNPop** · 12-09-2009 11:50

You poor thing. A shudder ran through me while reading this. How old is your DS?

**faroutbrusselsprout** · 12-09-2009 12:07

He's 5 and is quite reluctant to go there each holidays but seems to have an OK time once he gets through a teary first few days.
FOB has also told someone he's taking DS to Bali over Christmas which is just a complete lie and makes me think he's unstable.
There is no way I would ever let him take DS out of the country.
He's not going over these school holidays as FOB can't afford the air fares, can't say we are disappointed...

Hmmm I feel a bit exposed writing all of this on here.

**NonnyMouse** · 12-09-2009 12:09

I would telling FOB that you been lead to believe that he is using again, and until he can prove otherwise by submitting to a drug test you're keeping your son close.

I would hurry up with the custody agreement, and have a clause built in that he needs to submit to random drug testing.

**Tam-I-Am** · 12-09-2009 12:15

See your lawyer, ASAP. Go through everything with the solicitor. The fact that you have no parenting orders works in your favour in this instance - you're under no obligation to send your son to him whilst they're not in place. DO NOT SEND YOUR SON THERE until you have parenting orders in place - he's under no obligation to send him back.

Please, see your solicitor, like, yesterday

**Myztik** · 12-09-2009 12:19

Yep what Tam-I-Am said

Being his main care giver you have the right to refuse contact. Get those orders in place asap!

**Just Add Water** · 12-09-2009 12:26

If there is a history of drug use (because you don't want to admit that you know about the current use) then you can request that in the court orders that drug tests may be performed at any time.

We have in ours:

******** ********* may be required to submit to a drug test at any time if requested by the police or a suitably positioned person (ie a chemist, doctor) at any time 1 week prior to having the children. Said person is also to refrain from any drug and / or alcohol use in the 24 hour period prior to having the children and while the children are in their care. Any drug paraphernalia is to be locked away and out of reach and sight from the children and no discussion of drugs is to be entered into with the children without prior consent from the custodial parent (ie if children are learning about drugs at school and want to talk about it with that parent).

******

Like the others have said you are at an advantage by not having orders and if he wants them then you can make sure that you get what you want in them.

**delirium** · 12-09-2009 12:27

Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am

See your lawyer, ASAP. Go through everything with the solicitor. The fact that you have no parenting orders works in your favour in this instance - you're under no obligation to send your son to him whilst they're not in place. DO NOT SEND YOUR SON THERE until you have parenting orders in place - he's under no obligation to send him back.

Please, see your solicitor, like, yesterday

ITA

**garfield13** · 12-09-2009 12:49

Originally Posted by ANonnyMouse

I would telling FOB that you been lead to believe that he is using again, and until he can prove otherwise by submitting to a drug test you're keeping your son close.

I would hurry up with the custody agreement, and have a clause built in that he needs to submit to random drug testing.

He has previously used, so that is good enough reason to add in a clause without even knowing about his current use

**kar** · 12-09-2009 13:34

Like others have said, it is actually an advantage to have no formal orders in place. I wouldn't be worrying too much about how you came across this info provided you are fairly confident it is accurate. However, you will need to be able to provide some evidence of what you assert if FOB denies it. You would need to show a reasonable basis for your belief re drug use. Historical use would certainly support your contention, but would need to consider how long ago, how extensive etc.

You have no obligation to send him to see his dad, it will be up to his dad to seek orders providing for time spent. BUT unreasonably denying contact is not a good look - however the situation you describe certainly sound reasonable again provided the basis of the information you have is reasonably reliable.

HOWEVER it is almost always considered to be in a child's best interests to spend time with both parents - as it should be - provided it is safe. As Nomadic said, this could be ensured with drug screen provisions or perhaps through supervision of the time spent.

If I were you I would be talking to your solicitor or getting one quick smart and would not be sending DS until these issues are addressed through formal orders. If money is an issue your local community legal service should be able to provide some assistance and the Family Court of Aus website has some good info about seeking court orders, mediation etc.

Good luck.